More Fantastic Spank-worthy Posts From Dustindiamond.com!

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More Posts from the Real Dustin Diamond at Dustindiamond.com?

28th October 2004 - 08:42:31 AM
10637 : Dustin Diamond
Hey guys, just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed reading your posts here and on the STPK forum over the last few days (except for the child porn spamming motherfucker, who needs to die). Keep em cumming!

- Dusty

PS I'm gay


27th October 2004 - 07:22:57 PM
10623 : The REAL Dustin Diamond
You dirty motherfuckers! My band can't even have a message board without sick fags posting hot erotic gay messages! I'll sue every one of you faggots! You queens take your disgustingly arousing "Rim Jobs" and your deliciously sinful "Arabian Goggles" and go back to San Francisco! I don't want to hear another word about the wildy stimulating abomination of God that is the Dirty Sanchez. Or the ever boner-inducing Glass Bottom Boat. Not one word! And how can you be so cruel to a depressed little gothic girl? She just wants you to like her!

Fantastic Spank-worthy Posts From Dustindiamond.com!

05th January 2005 - 08:14:29 AM
11866 :
screech, whose nutsack felt better massaging your tonsils? was it maxwell nerdstrom, slater, zack, or mr. belding?


04th January 2005 - 09:39:31 PM
11862 : Steven Jerkoff
Hey if you're really Dustin Diamond we should hang out and have queer sex. I live in South Milwaukee.


03rd January 2005 - 08:03:48 PM
11848 :
screech, you are such a pathetic loser! This website was my first hit on google.com when I typed in "queer 'Cleveland steamer'"


04th January 2005 - 02:35:04 PM
11857 : Corey Haim
Blockbuster news! I am glad to see the fan who recently posted regarding Fart Patrol! It is going to be released nationwide on August 19th 2005! Dustin and I are very proud of our work and want to thank all of you in here that have stood by us along the way. Please get the word out that August 19th is going to be a day to remember. I am willing to bet that Dustin will be up for an Oscar in 2006!
Peace,
C. Haim


03rd January 2005 - 10:36:23 PM
11851 : Mr. Dewey
screech, i need you to stay after class tomorrow and lick my asshole while i jerk off.


03rd January 2005 - 02:54:27 PM
11843 : Creepy Father
Mr. Diamond, my son came crying to me after discovering your website. What is this crap, and why have you allowed people to write perverted things here? You should know that I pitched a tent when I started reading the messages and my tent has not gone away even though I've been reading messages for the past 2 hours. I do have a question for you that I can't get out of my head. Whose nuts felt better in your mouth - Mr. Belding's or Slater's?


03rd January 2005 - 10:01:48 AM
11839 : Creepy Uncle
Angry Mum, Dad & Grandfather, I was very turned on by your posts. Have you ever caught your children masturbating to the posts on this guestbook, or to other online pornography? Have you ever walked in on them handling their under-developed, pre-pubescent gentialia whilst looking at naughty things on the Internet? Do you ever punish them by forcing them to play with your genitals, or by inserting things into their puckered, ruby-red starfish?? If I was allowed to look after children, that's what I would do!!! Oh my!!!!!


02nd January 2005 - 12:09:09 PM
11833 : Angry mom
My son is a big fan of "Saved by the Bell" and was searching for "Dustin Diamond" and found this website. I am totally appauled at the entries in this website which my 9 year old son was reading and am completely disgusted with Mr.Diamond. It is obvious that Mr.Diamond is some kind of pervert and getting his kicks from this filth...I wont even let my son watch that show again. Goodbye and may god have mercy on your soul.


03rd January 2005 - 02:06:16 PM
11842 : Rocco
Hello everyone. I hope everyone had a good new years celebration and its good to see Gay Zack back. For New Years I went to a truck stop dressed as Belding with a gang of my queer friends. We took a shitload of fireworks with us and shot them at each others asses! I took a few bottle rockets right up the ass! Then I stuck a roman candle in my ass and fired it at a Screech. It caught his Jew Fro on fire and he ran around screaming while he burned up! The rest of us had a great laugh about that! After that we got down to serious business and had a circle jerk, all cumming at the stoke of midnight! True Orgazmic Delight!
ROCCO


03rd January 2005 - 10:39:18 AM
11840 : Gay Zack
I'm back after a 2 week long tour of rest stops and glory holes! I dressed up as Screech and engaged in the filthiest of sexual acts in truck stops, rest stops and glory holes all through out the country! Everywhere I went queers were more than willing to lube up my ass and shot their load in my jew fro wig. I wore the same pair of zubaz, and they are caked in anal juices and semen of mine and many countless other queers on the scene. My ass is really hurting, but I shall soon be back to my local dumpster scene to show off some new moves I learned.


30th December 2004 - 12:22:48 AM
11797 : gaylord perry
screech, i want your bunghole right now. cum to the hot tub in the teachers' lounge where mr. tuttle and i have gay orgies.


15th December 2004 - 06:05:43 PM
11671 : Sweet Molasses
Hey Dusty, it's me. Remember? The hot, studly negro stripper you picked up a few nights back at the Blue Oyster bar? Remember how we went to the VIP lounge and you got spit-roasted by me and my buddy Raoul? No? Oh well. I was really hoping you'd call me sometime, we had a lot of fun that night!

Anyway, I just wanted to get in touch to let you know that Raoul's test results came back negative. Isn't that a relief! I know you were so worried after you swallowed 3 consecutive loads of his jizz, and then let him piss and shit all over you.

Anyway, stop by again sometime, me and Raoul are looking forward to pulling another train with you! TOOT TOOOT!!!


11th November 2003 - 12:12:13 PM
5670 : Rowing machine episode
Remember When,

I do remember a "rowing machine" related episode.
However, my recollection is slightly different. I recall
Mr. Balding sitting on the floor in between Slater and Diamond. He then extended his arms and used their stiff members as oars! Man overboard!

-Loadboy

11th November 2003 - 11:56:55 AM
5669 : Leaky Ass Queer
Some great messages today from my fellow queers, thanks for posting as it really helps me to blow my load. Another sterling entry from the remember when guy too, very imaginative and of course horny as hell. I really hope that Diamond reads your posts, maybe we should email them directly to his agent now that Gwando so kindly posted his details?

I'm off now to trim my ass hair into a "Diamond" as I'm going to a gay bar tonight - I'll let all you queers know how I get on tomorrow.


27th September 2003 - 12:25:25 PM
5011 : Ham Span
Amanda Chachi's AID's is pretty far gone now, he can't post on this site anymore. He is spending his last few days giving as many blow jobs as he can.
Dustin Diamond is getting fat, and has stopped trimming his beard. It is becoming bushy and resembles pubic hair.
I am disapointed because i used to find slender Diamond with his sexy neatly trimmed beard very exciting to the groin. Now i am beginning to find myself less attracted to him.
Get it together Diamond!
Go on a diet and trim your beard please, or you wont get any love from me.


25th September 2003 - 06:06:44 PM
4993 : drewbear
Dusty why won't you all do us a favor.......kill your self. Your guest book sucks almost as much cock as you. I can smell the gay sex through my modem, you gay bitch. Your a fucking faggot and your gonna go to hell because you suck more dick than a drunk vietnamese prostitute named ming lee on buy-one-get-one-free day. And Mario Lopez can suck mikey's motha fuckin inch-high private eye.


25th September 2003 - 09:39:09 AM
4992 : Mr. Conholer
I've been hanging around in London with some of my homo-boys this week and we went along to see David Blaine doing his thing in a box. It was really dull. To spice it up we'd like to suggest that Dustin replaces David in the box, and instead of water being fed through the tube we think it'd be a good idea to have hot fresh nut butter going through there.

I for one would love to see such an endurance test, and I'm positive that Dustin could survive for 44 days on love custard alone. It'd be great if they had a little "milking" booth where all of London's queers could J/O into Diamond's supply whilst watching Saved By The Bell re-runs - and sooner or later there's bound to be a nice soupcon of "dirty" jism in there that will give Dusty a little extra to think about!

Dustin is definitely a gay icon here in London, a few of the guys are already sporting what they call "Diamond's"- a cute little goatee with a few drops of dried up man-fat dangling off the end!

AIM Instant Messaging Conversation With Salty the Pocketknife

Dustin Diamond was in the awful band, Salty the Pocketknife, several years ago. The leader of Salty the Pocketknife was a drummer in the band, Evan Stone. The following are conversations between someone from the band (probably either Dustin Diamond or Evan Stone) (using the login "Saltythepocket") and some random people who wanted to harass Diamond:

fates end k1d (5:27:55 AM): happy new year, you fuck!
fates end k1d (5:28:00 AM): happy new year, screech?
fates end k1d (5:28:04 AM): screech??
fates end k1d (5:28:07 AM): hello?
fates end k1d (5:28:10 AM): hello.....sreech??
fates end k1d (5:28:15 AM): hellllllllllloooooooooOooooooooOOoooooo?
fates end k1d (5:28:21 AM): anybody there?
fates end k1d (5:28:26 AM): hello!?
fates end k1d (5:28:28 AM): yoohoooooOOooooo, screech????
fates end k1d (5:28:30 AM): hmm....
fates end k1d (5:28:33 AM): where at you!?
Saltythepocket (5:28:35 AM): please stop
Saltythepocket signed off at 5:28:37 AM.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Metallica479: fuck you
SCREECH------->Saltythepocket: hmmm
Saltythepocket: no
MeTaLLiCa479: yeah
MeTaLLiCa479: you are fucking cool man
MeTaLLiCa479: your band rocks
MeTaLLiCa479: seriously
Saltythepocket: thanks
Saltythepocket: are you bi polar?
MeTaLLiCa479: no, i just say "fuck you" as hi
MeTaLLiCa479: its cool
MeTaLLiCa479: like your band, you guys are awesome
MeTaLLiCa479: buty screech is a fucking homo
MeTaLLiCa479: you should kick him out
MeTaLLiCa479: and get hitler
Saltythepocket: i bet you have alot of friends because of this lovely greeting
MeTaLLiCa479: yeah man
MeTaLLiCa479: we're freinds
MeTaLLiCa479: me and you and screech
MeTaLLiCa479: so happy together
Saltythepocket: not likely
Saltythepocket: i find you to be somewhat of an ass
MeTaLLiCa479: yeah man
MeTaLLiCa479: i like robots
Saltythepocket: im happy for you
MeTaLLiCa479: i built one to pull down girl's pants
MeTaLLiCa479: it's rad
Saltythepocket: rad?
MeTaLLiCa479: we can put it on saved by the bell
MeTaLLiCa479: slater would dig that shit
MeTaLLiCa479: is he in the band too
MeTaLLiCa479: yeah man
MeTaLLiCa479: your band is fucking great
MeTaLLiCa479: are you touring?
Saltythepocket: i think this conversation is over
MeTaLLiCa479: are you?
Saltythepocket: you have been more than disrespectful
MeTaLLiCa479: have i?
MeTaLLiCa479: look man, i need a freind
Saltythepocket: indeed
Saltythepocket: and spelling lessons
MeTaLLiCa479: i before e except c or your fucking gay band
MeTaLLiCa479: you guiysd suck
MeTaLLiCa479: i was just schmoozing you
Saltythepocket: as i expected... bipolar
MeTaLLiCa479: but you and your gay band are fucking shitty and should be wiped out
Saltythepocket: ok
Saltythepocket: thanks
MeTaLLiCa479: break up
Saltythepocket: bye
MeTaLLiCa479: i'm bi polar, and you are bi
MeTaLLiCa479: does your girlfreind know about you and screech
MeTaLLiCa479: fucking
MeTaLLiCa479: with mr. belding
MeTaLLiCa479: threesome
MeTaLLiCa479: wit belding
MeTaLLiCa479: rad
MeTaLLiCa479: you area ghoul, sir
MeTaLLiCa479: you fucking mermaid
MeTaLLiCa479: bitch
Saltythepocket signed off at 4:24:16 PM




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: fag
SCREECH------>Saltythepocket: gee thanks
Saltythepocket: i waited all day for that
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: good
Saltythepocket: do you know who i am?
Saltythepocket: i think you have me confused with someone
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: you're screech
Saltythepocket: uh sorry...no
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: you know screech then
Saltythepocket: this is a band account
Saltythepocket: and he doesnt use this screen name
Saltythepocket: i do
Saltythepocket: he is my bass player
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: yeah well tell him i said sup screech
Saltythepocket: how about fuck you and get a life
Saltythepocket: asshole
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: wow that's pretty hostile
Saltythepocket: learn how to talk to people nicely
Saltythepocket: see
Saltythepocket: how do you like it?
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: well that last sentence wasn't very nice
Saltythepocket: fag
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: wow
Saltythepocket: i dont give a shit
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: again with the hurtness
Saltythepocket: you are an asshole
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: oh my god
Saltythepocket: bye
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: my feelings are crushed
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: AAHhhhhhhhhhhhhh my goddamn heart!!
cm2o281Kqp6231Ap: fag
Saltythepocket signed off at 12:43:16 AM.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROBO FOX--->Draco114: hi
SCREECH ---> Saltythepocket: hi
Draco114: is this "the" dustin diamond
Saltythepocket: sorry...dustin is in NY
Draco114: who is this?
Saltythepocket: drummer
Saltythepocket: evan
Saltythepocket: and you are?
Draco114: what is dustin's screen name?
Saltythepocket: you really think i am going to give it to you?
Draco114: why not man, im a fan of the band
Draco114: you guys friggin rule
Saltythepocket: thank you
Saltythepocket: but thats private info
Saltythepocket: i am certain you understand
Draco114: no way man, he wont mind
Saltythepocket: ok...here it is
Saltythepocket: but dont tell anyone
Draco114: k
Saltythepocket: iamajackass.com
Draco114: thats his screename?
Draco114: cant have periods in a screen name dude
Saltythepocket: got to go
Draco114: bye
Draco114: hey i thought you were leavin man
Draco114: whats the deal with your bands name though
Draco114: i mean you guys throw down, but your name is a lil gay i think
Saltythepocket: im busy dude
Draco114: did i say gay?
Saltythepocket: i think you did
Draco114: yes i did
Draco114: and i meant it too
Draco114: gay as hell
Draco114: mind if i through a few suggestions?
Saltythepocket: yes
Draco114: k cool
Draco114: maybe something like
Draco114: Screech The Pocket
Saltythepocket: yes i mind
Draco114: or
Draco114: Saved by the Salty
Draco114: or
Saltythepocket: you are dumb arent you?
Draco114: Slater is the only person from saved by the bell with any chance at a real career
Draco114: that last one is good
Draco114: dumb enough to know how to speak the english language correctly, (arent you)
Draco114: thats like ...dumb are not you
Draco114: not even close dude
Draco114: thats gay as hell
Saltythepocket signed off at 9:43PM.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saltythepocket: we are in a band together
artificialZine: really
Saltythepocket: i dont work for him, no
artificialZine: is he a cool guy to hang out with
artificialZine: or is he in the band just to get some extra kids out to your shows
Saltythepocket: hes a funny guy
Saltythepocket: whos this?
Saltythepocket: and how did you hear about the band?
artificialZine: just a random kid who saw your mp3.com site
artificialZine: from vh1 i think
Saltythepocket: hi random kid
artificialZine: is this jack
Saltythepocket: no
Saltythepocket: how do you know jack?
artificialZine: i think one of my friends talked to him online before
artificialZine: so are you in this for fun to make it big or both
Saltythepocket: where do you live?
artificialZine: jersey
Saltythepocket: im in it for the chicks
Saltythepocket: jersey is a shit hole
artificialZine: has it worked
Saltythepocket: yea..i have 2 naked chicks in my room right now
artificialZine: nah, im from SOUTH jersey, its nice down here
artificialZine: liar
Saltythepocket: its all the same smelly hole...when i lives in NY i could smell it from there
Saltythepocket: jersey is a dump
artificialZine: have you ever even seen two chicks naked at the same time?
Saltythepocket: if you were smart you would move out
Saltythepocket: ive seen 4
artificialZine: yeah, but strip clubs dont count man
Saltythepocket: sorry pal...i live a good life
Saltythepocket: i dont need strip clubs
artificialZine: sure...
Saltythepocket signed off at 10:20PM.

My "Remember When..." Queer Fantasies - Part IV

Here are some of my "Remember When..." queer fantasies involving Diamond and the rest of the Saved By The Bell gang:

"Belding's Fart 'Gift' to Diamond" recap
Posted: Feb 3 2009, 09:27 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode of Saved By The Bell when you turned 18? Remember how all of your "friends" forgot about your birthday? Remember when your mom and Kevin the Robot also forgot? Remember how sad and neglected that made you feel? Remember when you ran like a little girl to Belding's office and he hugged you? Remember how Belding said he had a gift for you? Remember when he threw you onto his sofa and then dropped his pants and ripped a wet fart directly into your mouth? Remember when you coughed? Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when Belding said, "Diamond, how dare you waste my fart, you ZUBAZ-WEARING JEW COCKSUCKER!!! I intentionally ate at Taco Bell today to give you my thoughtful gift and you wasted it by coughing it out of your mouth and lungs. You should savor farts from the Big Bopper!!!" Remember when Belding kicked you in the junk and stomped on your head? Remember when he fired his HIV+ seed up your ass to teach you a lesson? You sure had a shitty birthday that time!!!



"Diamond Visits a Campground" recap
Posted: Feb 2 2009, 07:36 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode when you broke into that KOA campground and installed a hammock in the outhouse with the ends of the hammock tied up near the floor of the outhouse, but above the piss level? Remember how you did this so that you could listen and smell people going to the bathroom up close? Remember how you would jerk off while random dudes took dumps right in front of you? Remember when you tried to climb out one day and accidentally broke your hammock and fell into the 5-foot deep pool of piss and shit? Remember when you screamed for help and some Boy Scouts came running? Remember when you begged for help and they recognized you as Screech from Saved By The Bell? Remember when they told you that you sucked on that show and then peed down onto you? Remember when you yelled out, "Zoinks!!! Help me you little jerks!!!" Remember when the scouts grabbed some rocks and fired them down onto you? Remember when they threw a couple squirrels down onto you? Remember how the squirrels were rabid and quickly bit you? Remember when the scout master walked in and asked what the commotion was? Remember how the scout master was none other than JM J Bullock who had won a court case to be the first openly gay scout master? Remember how JM J Bullock only joined the scouts so that he could molest kids? Remember how JM J Bullock began jerking off and shot a wad of his HIV+ cum down onto you? Remember how his seed dripped down onto the open wounds caused by the squirrels? Remember when you contracted AIDS and everyone started laughing? Remember when you started yelling for help and JM J Bullock got mad and locked the outhouse door and put an "out of order" sign on the front door? Remember when you were only discovered a few days later by the KOA manager? Remember how you almost died? Remember when the KOA manager charged you rent for the days you stayed down in the outhouse? You really got screwed over that time!



"Diamond Learns About the Animal Kingdom" recap
Posted: Jan 21 2009, 08:54 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you broke into the Bayside science lab on a Saturday night to get to the class gerbils? Remember when you took the brown gerbil named "Petey" and stuck it up for ass for anal pleasure? Remember how Belding happened to be at Bayside that evening and heard you breaking in? Remember how he was at Bayside because he wanted to jerk off onto the singlets for the boys wrestling team? Remember when he saw what you did to Petey and slugged you in the gut, causing you to fart out Petey? Remember when he said, "Hey Diamond, so you want to stick animals up your ass? Well, let's kick it up a notch!" Remember when Belding drove you to your home and grabbed a sleepy Hound Dog and forcefully inserted Hound Dog into your ass and said, "How does that feel, FAGGOT?" Remember how uncomfortable it made you feel? Remember how Hound Dog got stuck up your ass and took a shit in there and also barfed? Remember how Hound Dog survived for several hours by eating the semen that had been deposited in your ass by several random dudes? Remember when Hound Dog eventually suffocated and died? Remember when you mom on the show, Mrs. Powers, found out that Hound Dog had died and blamed you? Remember how she was really upset because she had recently taught Hound Dog how to lick her pussy and was looking forward to receiving some pleasure from Hound Dog? Remember when Mrs. Powers bought a new dog and made you train it to lick her cooch and ass? Remember when you tried to trick the new dog into licking your cock, but the new dog got mad and bit off your cock? You sure learned not to mess with the animal kingdom in that episode!



"Diamond Learns About Belding's Fat Folds" recap
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 09:00 PM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you sucked off Belding and then he fell asleep on your couch? Remember how obese he was and he had many folds on fat in his gut? Remember how horny you were after servicing Belding's penis and ass needs for the previous two hours, while he refused to give any pleasure to your zoinker? Remember when you lifted Belding's skin-tight XXX-L shirt and inserted your cock in between a couple of his fat folds and then started thrusting back and forth? Remember when you felt and intense pain and then pulled out your zoinker and ran into the bathroom crying like a bitch? Remember how the pain was caused by getting battery acid in the hole and the end of your tiny cock? Remember how Belding had lost his TV remote in his fat folds weeks earlier and the batteries had been leaking the acid that burned your cock? Belding's obesity really got you good that time!



"Belding Teaches Diamond To Be A Good Bitch" recap
Posted: Jan 14 2009, 09:42 AM

Diamond, remember those long make-out sessions you used to have with Mr. Belding in the Bayside Principal's office after school? Remember when Belding would blow several loads of his diseased cum into your mouth, ass, and onto your jew-fro? Remember that time when he shot his third load and you asked him to touch your baby cock? Remember when Belding got mad and said that you were his "bitch," and that you should learn to control your urges around him? Remember when Belding broke his keyboard over your head for daring to ask him to give you sexual pleasure? Belding really gave you blue balls that time!



"Bayside Wins the State Championship" recap
Posted: Dec 30 2008, 07:01 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where Bayside was playing against Valley High in state title game of the California state football tournament? Remember how the star quarterback was AC Slater and the star running back was Ox? Remember how Rod Belding was the starting wide receiver because he forged his birth certificate? Remember when Slater threw two quick touchdowns to give Bayside a 14-7 lead in the first quarter? Remember when you jerked off Mr. Belding to give the team good luck? Remember when Valley scored a touchdown to even the score and it remained tied in the fourth quarter with mere seconds to play? Remember when Slater threw a last-second touchdown pass to Rod Belding to win the championship? Remember how everyone in the stands erupted in cheers? Remember when Zack Morris dumped a bucket of Gatorade over Coach Rizzo to celebrate the victory? Remember when Slater, Rod Belding, and Zack's dad came up behind you and dumped a Port-A-Potty filled with piss and shit right on top of your head? Remember how much piss and diarrhea your jew-fro absorbed? Remember when you looked up and saw an instant replay on the big scoreboard of the Port-A-Potty being dumped on you? Remember how everyone in the stands was laughing and masturbating at the scene of your humiliation? Remember when you saw the Kelly and your mom on the show were dyking out while walking you crying? Remember when you noticed that the goalpost was wobbling and looked over and saw that Tuttle was perched on top with his pants down around his ankles and he was masturbating vigorously? Remember when the goalpost completely tipped over and Tuttle landed on a chain-link fence surrounding the field? Remember when when Tuttle broke several ribs on the fence, yet continued to jerk off? Remember when Mr. Dewey and Mylo the janitor started sodomizing you and ass-raping you in front of the crowd? Remember when your anal tears from that attack were so bad that you had to wear a diaper for the next two months? You sure got screwed over that time!



"Belding Teaches Diamond About Respect" recap
Posted: Dec 17 2008, 10:09 AM

Diamond, do you remember the episode from the New Class where you were Belding's assistant and you asked him whatever happened to his niece, Penny Belding? Remember when Mr. Belding replied nonchalantly, "Oh, I made her up." Remember when you responded that she did exist and that you took her to a dance at the Max in a prior episode? Remember when Belding got really mad and yelled, "HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME, YOU HOOK-NOSED ZUBAZ-WEARING COCKSUCKING RIM GOBLIN!!!!!!" Remember when Belding pulled out the Rambo knife he kept in his desk and then stabbed you in the stomach, causing massive internal injuries? Remember when Belding inserted his cock in the wound and had sex with your punctured abdomen? Remember how his cock rubbed up against your liver? Remember when he shot a load of HIV+ cum into your lungs and stomach? You sure learned to respect your elders in that episode!



"Diamond Learns the Spirit of Thanksgiving" recap
Posted: Nov 26 2008, 10:05 AM

Diamond, remember that episode where Belding invited you over to his house for a Thanksgiving dinner with Slater, Zack, and Ox? Remember when you arrived at Belding's house and asked where Mrs. Belding was? Remember when Belding replied nonchalantly that he "made her up"? Remember how you had previously asked the same question in Dner's previous Thanksgiving episode, but apparently forgot about it? Remember when Belding started the meal with some salad because Belding said that the main course was still cooking? Remember how Belding served a house salad? Remember when you asked Belding to pass you some cottage cheese for your salad? Remember when Belding said he didn't have any? Remember when you started whining like a little bitch and said, "Zoinks! Mr. B, how am I supposed to eat my salad without cottage cheese??" Remember how mad you were making Mr. Belding? Remember when Belding stood up and said, "That's enough, Diamond! You want some cottage cheese? Here it comes, you HOOK-NOSED RIM GOBLIN!!" Remember when Belding dropped his polyester pants with the 54-inch waist, revealing his cellulite-ridden pasty and chunky legs? Remember when Belding said, "You little Jewish faggot, I have cottage cheese thighs and now you're gonna get some!" Remember when Slater grabbed you from behind and knocked you out of your chair and onto the floor? Remmeber when Belding sat on your face and farted in your mouth while Slater tore away your Zubaz and began ass-slamming you? Remember when Belding ripped several wet farts in your face and made you toss his salad? Remember when you experience horrible pain for the next several minutes until the timer in the kitchen dinged? Remember when Belding got up and said, "the main course is done!" and ran into the kitchen? Remember when he walked out with a cooked animal on a platter? Remember when you looked up and saw that instead of cooking a turkey, Belding had instead cooked your pet dog, Hound Dog, as Rocco previously mentioned? Remember when Belding force-fed Hound Dog's cooked hind legs to you? Remember how Hound Dog tasted like chicken? Remember when Slater picked up the platter and started cracking you over the head with it? Remember when a grandfather clock behind the dining room table started wobbling and you looked over and saw Mr. Tuttle perched on top of it with his pants down around his ankles? Remember how Tuttle was masturbating furiously? Remember when the grandfather clock tipped over and Tuttle took a header into the solid wood dining room table, smashing his chin and causing blood to gush everywhere? Remember how Tuttle kept jerking off until he blew his load and then immediately passed out from the blood loss? Remember when you spent the next few weeks in the hospital recovering from all of your Thanksgiving Day injuries? Remember when you arrived back at home and discovered that your mom had bought you a new dog, a Great Dane, to replace Hound Dog? Remember when you found out that the Great Dane was a horny and gay dog? Remember how the Great Dane would rape you every night when you were trying to sleep? You sure learned about the spirit of Thanksgiving in the episode!



"Bayside's Toilet Paper Shortage" episode recap
Posted: Nov 12 2008, 07:09 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where Belding stole Bayside's budget for bathroom supplies and spent it on Hostess Ding Dongs and HoHo's for himself? Remember when, as a result, Bayside ran out of toilet paper? Remember when Belding broke into your locker and everyone, after taking a shit, wiped their asses clean with the possessions in your locker? Remember when Slater wiped his ass clean with your Zubaz gym shorts? Remember when Kelly wiped her ass clean with your pink "Members-Only" jacket? Remember when Maxwell Nerdstrom wiped his ass with your Converse Hi-Tops and Jessie wiped her ass with your Trapper Keeper? Remember when Belding wiped his ass clean with your peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Remember when Zack wiped his ass clean with the Oreo cookies that you were going to eat for lunch that day? Remember when Mr. Dewey scraped shit off his asshole with your Hi-C fruit juice box? Remember when Mylo the janitor wiped his ass with the lock on your locker? The Bayside gang really "shit" on you that time!



"Diamond LEarns About the Insect Kingdom" recap
Posted: Oct 28 2008, 09:44 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where there was a fly in Belding's office that kept annoying him? Remember how Belding didn't have any bug spray, so he took a shit in the corner of his office to keep the fly off his desk? Remember how the fly immediately fly over to Belding's meaty turd and started walking on it and eating part of the turd? Remember when Belding grabbed the fly with a tissue and then stuffed it into a 16-oz bottle of Coke and then gave you the bottle of Coke to drink? Remember how you sucked down the Coke without even noticing the fly inside? Remember when you sucked down the last drop and then said, "Thanks, Chief. AAAHHHH! That really hit the spot! Zoinks!" Remember when Belding punched you in the gut and then sodomized you with the Coke bottle and then took a shit on your jew-fro? Remember when you developed a serious staph infection from all of the dangerous diseases that were on the fly you ingested? Belding sure taught you about the insect kingdom that time!



"Diamond Goes to Gym Class" episode recap
Posted: Oct 23 2008, 08:27 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where Belding was measuring everyone's cock in the Bayside showers before gym class? Remember how he need a yardstick to measure Slater's cock, but only needed a tiny ruler to measure your baby dick? Remember how everyone laughed at how small your cock was, including Mr. Dewey who was showering naked with everyone for some unknown reason? Remember how the second smallest cock in the class belonged to Maxwell Nerdstrom, and it was 9 inches long? Remember how you measured up at a mere 1/4 of an inch? Remember how everyone started laughing at you and calling you a fag and then pelted you with bars of soap in the shower? Remember when Mylo the Janitor rolled a cart full of towels into the showers and everyone started whipping you with wet towels? Remember when Ox whipped you right in your microscopic nuts with a wet towel, causing you to utter, "Zoinks!" Remember when Slater said he needed to drain his balls and then bent you over? Remember how his cock was much bigger than your tiny butthole? Remember when Slater rectified the problem by lubing you up with a bar of soap? Remember when he shoved the entire bar up your ass and then started raping you while hi-fiving Belding and Mylo? Remember how Zack's dad was also showering naked with your class for some reason and sprayed diarrhea on your bird chest? Remember when you saw that a cart in which dirty jock straps from football practice were stored was rocking back and forth? Remember when the cart tipped over and Mr. Tuttle rolled out and was masturbating vigorously while his pants were down around his ankles and a sweaty jock strap was stuck on his head? Remember when you kept yelling, "Zoinks!!! Zoinks!!!" over and over again throughout your ideal? Remember how mad that made Peter Engel, as you were breaking his concentration while he was trying to jerk off? Remember when Peter Engel walked over and started kicking you in the ribs with his wingtip dress shoes? Remember how everyone except for you was having a great time during this attack? Remember when everyone finally stopped beating and sodomizing you after 15 minutes? Remember when everyone got dressed and left you for dead in the showers? Remember when you caught "athlete's foot" from the dirty showers? The Bayside gang sure got you good that time!



"Diamond Plays Kickball" episode recap
Posted: Oct 15 2008, 10:11 PM

Diamond, remember that time when you and the gang were playing kickball during gym class? Remember how Slater was on your team? Remember how Slater wore bike shorts during gym class and would kick the ball really far? Remember how you would stare at the bulge in his shorts when he rounded the bases? Remember how much you sucked at kickball? Remember how you would clumsily knock the kickball with your knee, instead of your foot, and would often get thrown out? Remember when everyone call Slater the "spark plug" of the team and you the "butt plug" of the team? Remember when Coach Sonski got mad at you for sucking so badly at kickball and raped you in front of the entire class while the students in the class jerked off? Remember when you were on the ground being ass-slammed and you looked up and saw Mr. Tuttle swinging from the rope hanging from the ceiling? Remember how his pants were down around his ankles and he was masturbating vigorously? Remember how he was jerking off so intensely that he accidentally loosened his grip on the rope and went flying off into the electronic scoreboard? Remember when his morbidly obese body shattered various light bulbs on the scoreboard and then he collapsed 20 feet down onto the hardwood floor below onto a sea of glass shards? Remember how profusely he was bleeding? Remember how he kept jerking off until he blew his load and then passed out from massive blood loss? Remember when Coach Sonski rubbed you in Tuttle's blood puddle and you contracted many dangerous STDs, including HIV? The Bayside gang really got you good that time!

My "Remember When..." Queer Fantasies - Part III

Here are some of my "Remember When..." queer fantasies involving Diamond and the rest of the Saved By The Bell gang:

"Diamond Learns About Politics" episode recap
Posted: Oct 8 2008, 06:20 AM

Diamond, remember when Saved By The Bell: The New Class was canceled in the spring of 2000 and you decided to campaign for your beloved hero Al Gore? Remember how Al Gore was an extreme environmentalist and was trying to devise more efficient ways for fighting fires, as he thought that the use of fire hoses was a waste of water? Remember when he stayed up all night in his basement watching SBTB reruns, masturbating, and jotting downs notes? Remember when he emerged the next morning from his basement as though he were a mad scientist? Remember when he said that he would fight fires by spraying diarrhea, instead of water, directly on such fires to douse the flames? Remember when he convinced you that helping him perfect a diarrhea fire-fighting method would be environmentally safe and that it would be your patriotic duty to help him? Remember how you stayed with him all summer and he would perform experiments daily where he would light your jew-fro on fire and they spray diarrhea on you? Remember how his diarrhea sprays weren't very effective and often failed to douse the flames? Remember how you permanently damaged some of your hair follicles and had to grow your jew-fro long to hide the bald patches? Remember when he thanked you at the end of the summer and told you that he would thank you in one of the debates? Remember how Al Gore pulled a fast one on you and was never, in fact, testing an environmentally safe new diarrhea fire fighting method? Remember when you later found out that he was a pervert into scatplay and that his wife, Tipper, wasn't hip to the diarrhea scene? You sure learned about politics that time!



"Diamond Learns about Physics" episode recap
Posted: Oct 1 2008, 07:27 AM

Diamond, remember that time that Mr. Tuttle was jerking off extremely vigorously while Belding was ass-slamming you in the Teacher's Lounge at Bayside? Remember when a load flew into your eye from out of nowhere and you couldn't figure out where it came from, as Tuttle had not yet climaxed? Remember how he was moving his hand so rapidly that it looked like a blur? Remember how he was moving his hand faster than the speed of light and when he blew his load it exited his cock so quickly that it went back in time? Remember when you realized that Tuttle's load was what had landed in your eye minutes earlier? Remember when Belding finished ass-raping you and then you put on a diaper to absorb the cum and blood dripping from your gaping asshole? Remember when you headed over to the computer lab? Remember how Tuttle's semen had violated Einstein's Theory of Relativity and you typed up a paper to submit to the American Journal of Physics? Remember when you finished the paper and asked Belding to mail it? Remember when Belding revised your paper and replaced your name with his own to make it appear as though he was the author? Remember when Belding won the Nobel Prize for your paper? Remember hos mad that made you? Remember when Belding invited you over to his house because he said that he "wanted to share the Nobel Prize" with you? Remember when you showed up at his house and he punched you in the balls and then sodomized you with the Nobel Prize? Remember when he yelled out, "Hey Diamond, are you enjoying the Nobel Prize now, bitch!!!" You sure learned a lot about physics in that episode!



"Kevin Teaches Diamond About Oil Changes" recap
Posted: Sep 24 2008, 08:34 PM

Diamond, remember that episode where you decided to get a tan? Remember how you hoped that a bronze color would excite Mr. Belding, your experienced gay lover? Remember how on a hot summer day you laid out on a chair in your backyard? Remember how you were wearing a pink Speedo? Remember how you took off the pink Speedo because you didn't want to get any tan lines? Remember how you were lying naked? Remember how you tanned your tiny cock, in full view of the neighbors? Remember how you had told Kevin the Robot that you were going to change the oil in his gears that day? Remember how you forgot to change his oil while you were laying outside? Remember when Kevin the Robot rolled past a window in your room and saw you laying naked outside? Remember how mad that made Kevin that you had neglected his fresh oil needs? Remember when Kevin rolled down the stairs and then outside? Remember how you had fallen asleep while tanning on the chair? Remember when Kevin shot an oilly load onto your baby cock and then held a magnifying glass near it? Remember how the magnifying glass concentrated the hot rays of light from the sun, causing your zoinker to quickly become unbearably hot? Remember when the oil on your beanbag caught fire and smoke from your burning cock filled the air? Remember when you woke up and yelled, "Zoinks!!!" Remember when you tried to run over to the garden hose to spray water on your crotch? Remember when Kevin extended his robotic arm and clotheslined you, sending you sprawling onto the ground? Remember when Kevin grabbed your bony butt and inserted his robotic cock into your butthole? Remember when Kevin pounded away at your butthole for several minutes until blowing his oilly robotic load up your butt? Remember when Kevin rolled away and said, "BZZT!! Thanks for draining my oil, Diamond! BZZT!!" You sure learned about oil changes in that episode!



"Belding Makes Lunch for Diamond" episode recap
Posted: Sep 18 2008, 07:29 AM

Diamond, remember that time when you were in the Bayside library studying for your SAT exam? Remember when Mr. Belding walked in and gave you a tender hug and some encouragement? Remember when he asked you if you would like a "penis butter and jelly sandwich"? Remember how you thought he said "peanut butter and jelly" and you quickly agreed? Remember when Belding went into the Bayside kitchen and farted on a loaf of wheat bread and stuck his massive cock in a jar of jelly and then spread the jelly onto a piece of wheat bread? Remember when he opened a Bayside yearbook he had stolen from your locker and started jerking off to pictures of AC Slater in his wrestling singlet? Remember how Belding used the jelly as lubricant while tossing off? Remember when Belding climaxed and blew a huge load onto another piece of bread and then placed that piece on top of the piece with the jelly? Remember when Belding placed the sandwich on a plastic plate and brought it to the library? Remember when Belding handed the sandwich and you quickly gobbled it down? Remember when you said, "Zoinks, Mr. B, where was the peanut butter on that sandwich??" Remember when Belding replied, "Yeah." Remember when you dropped some crumbs onto the floor and Belding got mad and sent you to detention for littering? Remember when Belding and Mylo raped you in detention while Kelly and Jessie dyked out with each other while listening to your cries for help? The Bayside gang really got you good that time!



"Diamond Learns About Health Insurance" recap
Posted: Sep 15 2008, 07:53 PM

Diamond, remember that time you were getting your physical at Bayside during the beginning of your senior year? Remember when the doctor asked to stick out your tongue and say "aahhh"? Remember when you did this and the doctor was disgusted by your stank breath? Remember when the doctor said, "Damn! You have cum breath, you nasty hook nosed rim goblin!!!" Remember when the doctor failed you on your physical and wrote on your medical forms that you have "cum breath"? Remember when the doctor reported his findings to your mother's insurance company, causing her health insurance premiums to increase by 15%? Remember how mad that made your mom on the show? Remember when your mom invited Slater and Belding over to your house to teach you a lesson? Remember when they handcuffed you to your mom's bed and started ass fucking Mrs. Powers? Remember when they each pulled out of Mrs. Powers' ass and then blew their loads into your mouth, giving you and even worse case of cum breath? You sure learned about the importance of good health insurance in that episode!



"Belding Teaches Diamond About Respect" recap
Posted: Sep 10 2008, 05:42 AM

Diamond, do you remember that time you were in Belding's office eating lunch and he walked in and farted about a foot from your head? Remember when you yelled out, "Zoinks, Mr. B! That fart smells really bad!" Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when Belding yelled, "Dammit Diamond, my farts are an expression of my love for you. How dare you insult me, you HOOK-NOSED RIM GOLBIN!!!" Remember when Belding decided to teach you a lesson and picked up his school intercom microphone and smacking you in the face with it? Remember when Belding accidentally turned the microphone on, braodcasting your cries of pain through the entire school? Remember when Belding yanked off your Zubaz and started violently shoved the microphone in and out of your ass? Remember when someone knocked on Belding's door and you thought that whomever was at the door would help you and end your suffering? Remember when when you quickly realized that no help was coming when Zack Morris opened the door and you saw that he was masturbating while listening to your screams of pain? Remember how you also saw Ox, Mr. Dewey, Slater, Rod Belding, Maxwell Nerdstrom, Coach Sonski, and Coach Rizzo in the hallway? Remember how they were all jerking off? Remember when you heard a honking sound coming from the hallway and heard what sounded like a car accelerating? Remember when you thought that the police were coming to rescue you? Remember how dismayed you were when you realized that the sound was from Mr. Tuttle, who was in the Driver's Ed golf cart? Remember how his pants were down around his ankles and he was masturbating vigorously? Remember how his 54-inch waist polyester pants got tangled around the accelerator and the golf cart was accelerating through the hallway? Remember when the golf cart careened into the doorway to Belding's office and got stuck, causing a loud noise? Remember when Tuttle was ejected from the golf cart and flew ten feet across Belding's office? Remember when Tuttle landed on Belding's trophy case and was impaled on Belding's "Principal of the Year" trophy? Remember how blood was gushing from the hole in his abdomen where he landed on the trophy? Remember how, despite being in severe pain and suffering massive blood loss, Tuttle kept jerking off vigorously? Remember how Tuttle moved his hand so fast up and down his cock that all that was visible was a big blur? Remember when Tuttle shot a massive load and then passed out and died? You really learned to show Belding some respect in that episode!



"Diamond Learns a Lesson at the Arcade" recap
Posted: Sep 5 2008, 08:57 AM

Diamond, do you remember when you finished filming the "Dance Contest" episode and then everyone went over to eat at the Chucky Cheese near the NBC studios lot? Remember how the actors from "Too Close For Comfort" were having a pizza party reunion to celebrate Ted Knight's birthday? Remember when you tried to cut in front of JM J Bullock at the Donkey Kong Jr. arcade machine, making him really mad? Remember when JM J Bullock grabbed you by the Jew-fro and threw you into the men's room and raped you? Remember when you caught his deadly strain of HIV? Remember how Ted Knight and Mr. Tuttle were having a swordfight in one of the bathroom stalls when you and JM J Bullock entered the bathroom and then stopped and started jerking off when they heard your screams for help? You sure learned to wait your turn at the arcade games that time!



"Belding Cooks Dinner for Diamond" recap
Posted: Sep 3 2008, 06:58 AM

Diamond, remember that time when Belding invited you over for a chicken dinner? Remember when he only cooked the chicken for five minutes and fed it to you? Remember how it was still pink and rubbery on the inside? Remember when you immediately got sick and caught salmonella and immediately started throwing up and going diarrhea in your Zubaz? Remember how hard Belding was laughing and he said that he intentionally undercooked the chicken in order to give you the potentially deadly disease commonly contained in uncooked chicken carcasses? Remember how Belding started raping you and you went diarrhea on his cock? Remember how mad that made Belding and he made you lick your diarrhea off his herpes-encrusted cock? Remember when Belding said, "Dammit Diamond! You got diarrhea all over my floor, you HOOK-NOSED RIM GOBLIN!!!" Remember when Belding turned you upside down and mopped up your diarrhea with your poofy jew-fro? Belding really gave you a lesson about cooking in that episode!



"Diamond's Cocktail" episode recap
Posted: Aug 22 2008, 06:50 PM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you attended Zack's wedding to Kelly? Remember when you went up to the bar and Jessie Spano was ordering a cocktail? Remember how you started crying because you thought about the fact that the only cocktail you've ever had is the AIDS drug cocktail you have to take every day to fight off the onslaught of the HIV virus? Remember when Zack saw you crying and got mad at you for trying to ruin his wedding? Remember when Belding raped you and gave you a strain of super-AIDS in his tainted semen? You really got what you deserved that time!

My "Remember When..." Queer Fantasies - Part II

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My "Remember When..." Queer Fantasies - Part I

Here are some of my "Remember When..." queer fantasies involving Diamond and the rest of the Saved By The Bell gang:

"Diamond's holiday hand towels" recap
Posted: Jun 14 2008, 09:19 PM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where Mr. Belding snuck into your house to make passionate homosexual love to you at midnight during your senior year at Bayside? Remember how he did you in the ass several times and shot his loads up your brownpipe but refused to touch your tiny penis? Remember how you enjoyed being his bitch? Remember when he went into your bathroom to clean up? Remember how it was near the end of December and your mother had placed Hanukkah-themed towels in your bathroom? Remember how mad Belding got when he saw the Hanaukkah towels, because he hated jews? Remember when Belding grabbed the handtowel off the rack and put it in the toilet and flushed? Remember when it got stuck in the pipes and caused thousands of dollars of damage? Remmeber when you mom on the show, Mrs. Powers, assumed that you must have accidently knocked the handtowel into the toilet and blamed you for the damage? Remember when she made you work off the debt by tossing her salad and letting her do you in the ass when a strap-on dildo? Belding really taught you about religious tolerance that time!



"Diamond's Fetus Fear" recap
Posted: Jun 6 2008, 06:11 AM

Diamond, remember that time when you were a fetus growing in the womb of your mom on SBTB, Mrs. Powers? Remember how your dad on the show was a fag and liked to get it in the ass from Mr. Belding? Remember how Belding would pull out of your dad's ass and stick his massive shit-encrusted cock into Mrs. Powers' gaping used-up pussy? Remember how even though you were just a little fetus, you would see Belding's shit-covered cock rapidly moving in and out of Mrs. Powers and were afraid that Belding was trying to poke your eye out with his cock? Remember when you were a student at Bayside many years later and had a flashback and went to Belding's office to talk to him about it? Remember when Belding gave you a tender hug and held you tightly? Remember when you felt a massive bulge forming in Belding's pants? Remember how Belding wasn't wearing any underwear and his pre-cum was soaking through his 46-inch waist Sears polyesther pants? Remember when Belding pulled down his pants and said, "Hey Diamond, so you were afraid that I was going to poke your eye out with my cock when you were a fetus? Thank's for the idea, shithead!" Remember when Belding grabbed your jew-fro and slammed his cock against your right eyeball? Remember how Belding did this was such force that your right eye popped out of its socket and onto the ground? Remember when Belding started fucking your eye socket and and said, "Diamond, let me stop that annoying bleeding!" and then shot his load into your eye socket? Remember when his semen quickly crusted over? Remember when Slater saw your eyeball on the ground and kicked it out into the hallway? Remember when Maxwell Nerdstrom picked up your eyeball and played marbles with it against the other nerds? The Bayside gang got you good that time!



"Diamond Plays Foosball" recap
Posted: Jun 4 2008, 05:40 AM

Diamond, do you remember that time when you went over to Belding's house to play foosball? Remember how you thought that you were a great foosball player? Remember how Belding scored the first goal and you yelled "Zoinks!" really loudly and started to piss off Belding? Remember how you kept spinning your rows of foosball men, in violation of foosball rules? Remember when you scored a goal after spinning and told Belding that he sucked at foosball and that you were the greatest player at Bayside High School? Remember when Belding got really mad and said he wanted to play "Faggot Foosball" with you? Remember how you agreed to play, even though you didn't know what it was? Remember when Belding said "Let the games begin!" and then tipped the foosball table over onto you, knocking you down? Remember when Belding ripped out one of the bars on which your foosball men were located and then smacked you in the face with it, drawing blood? Remember when he started sodomizing you with the bar and said, "Hey Diamond, who's the motherfucker now, bitch!! The Big Bopper kicks ass at Faggot Foosball!" Remember when blood was gushing out of your anus and Belding sat on your face and dropped ass and shit on top of your nose? Remember when you looked over and noticed that Belding's pool cue rack was shaking and saw that Mr. Tuttle was hiding behind it while rapidly masturbating? Remember how Tuttle shot a load down your throat and then Belding and Tuttle dropped you off at the curb with the rest of the trash? Remember when you had to wear a diaper for the next 3 months while your torn butthole recovered from this violent attack? Belding really got you good that time!



"Diamond Learns About Electricity" recap
Posted: Jun 2 2008, 06:44 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where Belding purchase a 10,000 Volt stun gun and shocked you in the zoinker with it several times? Remember one of your tiny balls was burnt so badly with a shock that it fell off your nutsack and onto the ground? Remember when Belding gave you a detention for "littering" and ass-raped you in the detention hall? You sure learned about electricity that time!



"Belding's Gift to Diamond" episode recap
Posted: May 29 2008, 06:12 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where Mr. Belding took you to Magic Mountain to show his appreciation for being his assistant? Remember how it was a 100 degree summer day and you two were out in the sun all day? Remember how Belding refused to go on any water rides and was sweaty profusely the entire day as you two waited in long roller coaster lines all day? Remember how Belding's air conditioner was broken and his windows wouldn't roll down in his rusty 1978 Ford Pinto? Remember when you two stopped at a Taco Bell on the way home and Belding ate a few greasy burritoes? Remember how Belding ripped numerous farts on the drive home as you both sweated profusely? Remember how Belding said you should thank him for farting because it helped cool down the interior of the car? Remember how Belding drove you straight to his house and you said "Zoinks, Mr. B! You missed my turn!" Remember how Belding said he had some ice cream for you at his place? Remember when you said that would be nice and he drove you up to his place? Remember when you both walked inside and Belding requested that you provide him with sexual favors because he was horny? Remember when Belding took off his 50-inch waist polyester shorts and underwear? Remember how sweaty and smelly his ass was? Remember when you asked Belding to take a shower first? Remember when Belding got mad and said, "Diamond, quit whining you JEW BASTARD and start tossing my salad, you stupid COCKSUCKER!" Remember when Belding grabbed you by the Jew-fro and shoved your face in his taint and you starting licking his butthole and his nutsack? Remember how sweaty he was? Remember how his groin was super-salty and you started to feel sick? Remember when you went into cardiac arrest and suffered blood poisoning from all of the salt on his taint? Remeber when you started to lose consciousness and begged Belding to call a paramedic? Remember when Belding instead decided to stick his cock up your ass and anally pound you for several minutes while you were passed out? Remember when Belding eventually called an ambulance after having sex with you another time and ordering a pizza from Dominos? Remember how you needed to get a liver transplant because Belding's salty taint juice had permanently damaged your liver? Belding really got you good that time!



"Diamond Contracts Bird Flu" recap
Posted: May 22 2008, 06:59 AM

Diamond, do you remember the episode where you fondled Becky the Duck because none of the girls at Bayside would let you fondle them? Remember when Becky the Ducky bit you and you contracted bird flu and went into a coma? Remember when you almost died and woke up a week later in a hospital while Slater and Belding were giving you a golden shower and Mr. Tuttle masurbated while hiding behind a curtain separating your bed from the other bed in your hospital room? The animal kingdom sure got you good that time!



"Diamond Goes to Disneyland" recap
Posted: May 22 2008, 03:59 AM

Hey Diamond, remember that time where Belding took you to Disneyland with some tickets he stole out of Maxwell Nerdstrom's locker? Remember when you and Belding made out on that crappy "Haunted Mansion" ride? Remember when he put his thumb up your ass while you two were on the "Its a Small World" boat ride and then made you lick his thumb clean? Remember when you two rode the teacups ride together and you tried to spin the teacup to make it go really fast? Remember when Belding got mad because you made the teacup spin too fast? Remember when Belding pulled down his pants and took an enormous shit in your teacup, filling it to the top, and then lept into a nearby teacup that was empty? Remmeber when the ride stopped and the door on your teacup opened and you couldn't get out because Belding's feces had started to harden? Remember when Goofy and Mickey Mouse were walking by and got really mad and accused you of taking a shit in the teacup? Remember when Goofy and Mickey Mouse began kicking you in the junk and ribs while Pluto began having anal sex with you, tearing up your ass? Remember when the Dinsey CEO at the time, Michael Eisner, banned you for life for causing a disturbance and "Jewing up" the park? Remember how odd that seemed because Eisner himself was a jew? You really had a shitty experience at Disneyland that time!



"The Coke Machine" recap
Posted: May 7 2008, 07:03 AM

Diamond, remember that episode where Belding purchased a new Coca-Cola vending machine for the Bayside cafeteria? Remember how it was a vintage Coke machine that vended Coke in 16-oz glass bottles? Remember how you were Belding's assistant at the time and he asked you if you wanted to go grab a Coke with him? Remember when you two walked to the cafeteria together? Remember when Mr. Belding pinched your butt as you walked through the hall and you blushed because you had a huge crush on Belding? Remember when Belding asked you for 35 cents for the machine to purchase a Coke? Remember how you were still blushing and quickly handed over the change to Belding? Remember when Belding purchased a Coke and then said, "Hey Diamond, I need a can opener to get off the cap!" and then pulled down your Zubaz sweatpants and used your asshole to pop off the cap, tearing it horribly in the process and causing anal bleeding? Remember when Belding got mad because you were bleeding on the floor and smashed the glass Coke bottle over your head and then viciously sodomized you with the bottle while laughing his ass off? Remember when Milo the janitor emerged from behind a table and walked over and robbed you? Remember when Belding walked back to his office and Milo left to mop the gym floor, leaving you laying in a pool of your own blood on the floor? Remember when the front door of the Coke machine swung open and Mr. Tuttle fell out? Remember how Mr. Tuttle was completely naked and had jizzed all over the Coke bottles in the machine? Diamond, you sure learned about the dangers of drinking too much soda in that episode!!!!!!



"Diamond Takes a Shower" recap
Posted: Apr 25 2008, 06:40 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where there was a water shortage and nobody could shower after gym class? Remember when you complained because you got sweaty playing basketball and had b.o. and therefore needed a shower to clean up? Remember when Coach Sonski got really mad at you because you were being annoying and eventually agreed to let you have a shower? Remember when you got naked and walked into the shower room and saw that everyone else from class was naked and also standing in the shower room? Remember how Mr. Belding was also standing naked in the shower room for some unknown reason even though he had nothing to do with your gym class? Remember when Coach Sonski told everyone to give you a shower and then every pissed on you and then jerked off and blew their loads all over you? You sure became an expert on golden showers and cum showers in that episode!



"Rectal Bleeding" episode recap
Posted: Apr 24 2008, 07:27 PM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you were being viciously raped in the shower of the Bayside boy's locker room after gym class? Remember how AC Slater, Ox, Mr. Belding, Milo and janitor, and Coach Rizzo all took turns tagging your ass? Remember when Belding pulled his cock out of your ass and shoved it into your mouth and said "yeah, take that load, Diamond!" as he shot his cum down your throat? Remember when the producer yelled "cut" and the scene had to be reshot because Belding had accidently called you "Diamond" instead of "Screech"? You sure experienced rectal bleeding in that episode!



Remember when...
Posted: October 22, 2006 10:04 PM

Diamond, remember when you were born with a jew-fro and grotesquely large gonzo nose? Remember how you're so ugly that the best girl you can get is obese and addicted to Arby's Beef 'n Cheddars? God really got you good that time!

"Remember When" Gay Carrot Top Fantasies

There is a fantastic forum for gay fans of comedian Carrot Top. This forum was created and is administered by an Australian man who goes by the name "Clunt." Clunt claims to be disabled and addicted to pain killers and that his primary source of income is advertising revenue from his Carrot Top forum. Here are some great gay fantasies I wrote about Clunt:

"Clunt Ends Up in a Wheelchair" recap
« Thread Started on Jun 3, 2008, 12:09pm »

Clunt, remember when you used to have full use of your legs? Remember how you were a great runner in high school? Remember when you won the 400-meter dash at the Koala Championship high school meet during your senior year of high school? Remember when you won with a time of 46.53 seconds? Remember when you were offered a track and field scholarship to the University of Sydney? Remember when you walked into your principal’s office at Wallaby High School to tell Principal Goldberg about the scholarship? Remember how Principal Goldberg was gay and you interrupted him while he was jerking off to surveillance photos he had taken of a recent high school wrestling match? Remember how mad Principal Goldberg was at you for interrupting his jerk-off session? Remember when you said, “Zoinks! What’s going on? I wanted to tell you that I won a scholarship to the University of Sydney!” Remember when Principal Goldberg stood up and said “That’s great, mate!” Remember how Principal Goldberg’s pants were off and he kept masturbating and shot a huge load into your eyes, temporarily blinding you? Remember when Principal Goldberg kicked you in the junk and you fell over? Remember when a couple aborigines emerged from under Principal Goldberg’s desk, where they had apparently been hiding while licking the principal’s nuts when you walked into the office? Remember when the aborigines started stomping on your legs and then smashed you kneecaps with cricket bats? Remember when you screamed in pain and Principal Goldberg shoved his cock in your mouth to shut you up? Remember when Principal Goldberg’s pet koala bear climbed out of its cage and started clawing at your face with its sharp claws, drawing blood? Remember when the aborigines took turns doing you up the ass and then continued to stomp on your legs until the bones in your legs had snapped in numerous locations? Remember when Principal Goldberg shut his man milk down your throat and then threw you out of his office and down the stairs? Remember how you lost all use of your legs and the scholarship offer to the University of Sydney was withdrawn? Remember how you have been in a wheelchair every since and are now addicted to painkillers? You sure got screwed over that time!

"Clunt has a bad day" recap
« Thread Started on May 25, 2008, 7:03am »

Hey Clunt, remember that time when someone knocked on your trailer door and you rolled over in your wheelchair to see who it was? Remember when you looked through the peep hole in your door and saw a person at the door that looked like Carrot Top? Remember when you opened the door because you assumed that your favorite comedian had come to congratulate you on the success of the Carrot Top Forum? Remember when you opened the door and realized that the person at the door was not Carrot Top, but instead was OhioFaggot wearing a Carrot Top mask? Remember when OhioFaggot rushed into your trailer, followed by Rocco, Assfister, Fagbusters, Gay4Screech, Starships1, James Amos, Miguel (the Mexican dishwasher that used to work with James Amos), and me? Remember when James Amos said, “Hey bitch, I’m sick of Internet dating. I’m backed up bitch, and now James Amos is gonna get his!” Remember when Miguel tipped over your wheelchair and you fell out onto the floor? Remember when Miguel tore off your sweatpants and started having unprotected buttsex with you? Remember when James Amos started violently teabagging you? Remember when Assfister pulled down his Zubaz pants and sprayed your chest with a nice thick coat of diarrhea?

Remember when Fagbusters said, “Homosexuality is the tool of the devil!” and then dropped his pants and pissed on your chest, writing his name on the diarrhea shit canvas on your chest? Remember when James Amos was tossing off while teabagging you and then stood up and shot his cum on your chest while he said, “Yeah! Take that load, bitch!” Remember when Rocco and I started whipping you in the nuts with car antennas that we ripped off of the rusty abandoned cars we encountered in your trailer park? Remember how much that turned you on as your hairless beanbag started to turn black and blue? Remember when Miguel blew a load up your ass and called you a “faggot!” Remember when Gay4Screech sat on your face and made you toss his salad and then shit into your mouth? Remember when Rocco and I picked you up and started spit-roasting you? Remember how we both blew massive loads and cum was dripping out of your mouth and ass at this point?

Remember when OhioFaggot and Starships said that you were a “Dirty Aussie” and then pissed on you to clean you up a bit? Remember how the humiliation of this violent attack turned you on and made you pop a boner? Remember when Miguel whipped your hard baby cock with a car antenna, causing you to simultaneously cry and blow your load? Remember when you rolled over as everyone got up to leave and saw the real Carrot Top, i.e., Scott Thompson, standing on the roof of the trailer next door? Remember how Carrot Top was jerking off? Remember when you also saw washed up prop comic Gallagher having sex with a little hole in a watermelon? Remember when Carrot Top shot his load and Gallagher caught it on the tip of his tongue for two points? The Carrot Top Forum gang really got you good that time!

Pearl Gray's visit to a Carrot Top show
« Thread Started on Apr 19, 2008, 4:59am »

Remember that time when Pearl Gray went to see a Carrot Top show in Las Vegas? Remember how turned on Pearl Gray felt as he saw Carrot Top's hilarious props, including those props he literally pulled out of his ass at the end of the show? Remember how Pearl Gray waited to see Carrot Top in the alley behind the Las Vegas strip McDonald's after the show? Remember how he waited in line behind two dirty and diseased bums who apparently lived in the dumpster in the alley? Remember how the bums were really horny and wanted to have gay sex with Carrot Top? Remember how Pearl Gray dropped his pants and started jerking it when someone who looked like Carrot Top showed up and let the bums do him up the ass? Remember how Pearl Gray was so focused on the bums making passionate homosexual love to the guy who kind of looked like Carrot Top, that he didn't notice the two rabid dogs that were charging down the alley toward him? Remember how the dogs were Bananas and Marlon, Boni's rabid rottweiller dogs? Remember how Bananas and Marlon were also gay and sexually repressed? Remmeber how they pounced on Pearl Gray and started spitroasting him? Remember how Bananas kept scratching Pearl Gray's bird chest while Pearl Gray sucked off Bananas? Remember when Boni took a dump on Pearl Gray's stomach and then kicked him in the junk? Remember when Boni, Bananas, Marlon, and the two bums all got up and left, leaving Pearl Gray sitting in a puddle of blood and semen? Pearl Gray sure learned about Carrot Top's comedy act that time!