"Belding's Fart 'Gift' to Diamond" recap
Posted: Feb 3 2009, 09:27 AM
Diamond, do you remember that episode of Saved By The Bell when you turned 18? Remember how all of your "friends" forgot about your birthday? Remember when your mom and Kevin the Robot also forgot? Remember how sad and neglected that made you feel? Remember when you ran like a little girl to Belding's office and he hugged you? Remember how Belding said he had a gift for you? Remember when he threw you onto his sofa and then dropped his pants and ripped a wet fart directly into your mouth? Remember when you coughed? Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when Belding said, "Diamond, how dare you waste my fart, you ZUBAZ-WEARING JEW COCKSUCKER!!! I intentionally ate at Taco Bell today to give you my thoughtful gift and you wasted it by coughing it out of your mouth and lungs. You should savor farts from the Big Bopper!!!" Remember when Belding kicked you in the junk and stomped on your head? Remember when he fired his HIV+ seed up your ass to teach you a lesson? You sure had a shitty birthday that time!!!
"Diamond Visits a Campground" recap
Posted: Feb 2 2009, 07:36 AM
Diamond, do you remember that episode when you broke into that KOA campground and installed a hammock in the outhouse with the ends of the hammock tied up near the floor of the outhouse, but above the piss level? Remember how you did this so that you could listen and smell people going to the bathroom up close? Remember how you would jerk off while random dudes took dumps right in front of you? Remember when you tried to climb out one day and accidentally broke your hammock and fell into the 5-foot deep pool of piss and shit? Remember when you screamed for help and some Boy Scouts came running? Remember when you begged for help and they recognized you as Screech from Saved By The Bell? Remember when they told you that you sucked on that show and then peed down onto you? Remember when you yelled out, "Zoinks!!! Help me you little jerks!!!" Remember when the scouts grabbed some rocks and fired them down onto you? Remember when they threw a couple squirrels down onto you? Remember how the squirrels were rabid and quickly bit you? Remember when the scout master walked in and asked what the commotion was? Remember how the scout master was none other than JM J Bullock who had won a court case to be the first openly gay scout master? Remember how JM J Bullock only joined the scouts so that he could molest kids? Remember how JM J Bullock began jerking off and shot a wad of his HIV+ cum down onto you? Remember how his seed dripped down onto the open wounds caused by the squirrels? Remember when you contracted AIDS and everyone started laughing? Remember when you started yelling for help and JM J Bullock got mad and locked the outhouse door and put an "out of order" sign on the front door? Remember when you were only discovered a few days later by the KOA manager? Remember how you almost died? Remember when the KOA manager charged you rent for the days you stayed down in the outhouse? You really got screwed over that time!
"Diamond Learns About the Animal Kingdom" recap
Posted: Jan 21 2009, 08:54 AM
Diamond, do you remember that episode where you broke into the Bayside science lab on a Saturday night to get to the class gerbils? Remember when you took the brown gerbil named "Petey" and stuck it up for ass for anal pleasure? Remember how Belding happened to be at Bayside that evening and heard you breaking in? Remember how he was at Bayside because he wanted to jerk off onto the singlets for the boys wrestling team? Remember when he saw what you did to Petey and slugged you in the gut, causing you to fart out Petey? Remember when he said, "Hey Diamond, so you want to stick animals up your ass? Well, let's kick it up a notch!" Remember when Belding drove you to your home and grabbed a sleepy Hound Dog and forcefully inserted Hound Dog into your ass and said, "How does that feel, FAGGOT?" Remember how uncomfortable it made you feel? Remember how Hound Dog got stuck up your ass and took a shit in there and also barfed? Remember how Hound Dog survived for several hours by eating the semen that had been deposited in your ass by several random dudes? Remember when Hound Dog eventually suffocated and died? Remember when you mom on the show, Mrs. Powers, found out that Hound Dog had died and blamed you? Remember how she was really upset because she had recently taught Hound Dog how to lick her pussy and was looking forward to receiving some pleasure from Hound Dog? Remember when Mrs. Powers bought a new dog and made you train it to lick her cooch and ass? Remember when you tried to trick the new dog into licking your cock, but the new dog got mad and bit off your cock? You sure learned not to mess with the animal kingdom in that episode!
"Diamond Learns About Belding's Fat Folds" recap
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 09:00 PM
Diamond, do you remember that episode where you sucked off Belding and then he fell asleep on your couch? Remember how obese he was and he had many folds on fat in his gut? Remember how horny you were after servicing Belding's penis and ass needs for the previous two hours, while he refused to give any pleasure to your zoinker? Remember when you lifted Belding's skin-tight XXX-L shirt and inserted your cock in between a couple of his fat folds and then started thrusting back and forth? Remember when you felt and intense pain and then pulled out your zoinker and ran into the bathroom crying like a bitch? Remember how the pain was caused by getting battery acid in the hole and the end of your tiny cock? Remember how Belding had lost his TV remote in his fat folds weeks earlier and the batteries had been leaking the acid that burned your cock? Belding's obesity really got you good that time!
"Belding Teaches Diamond To Be A Good Bitch" recap
Posted: Jan 14 2009, 09:42 AM
Diamond, remember those long make-out sessions you used to have with Mr. Belding in the Bayside Principal's office after school? Remember when Belding would blow several loads of his diseased cum into your mouth, ass, and onto your jew-fro? Remember that time when he shot his third load and you asked him to touch your baby cock? Remember when Belding got mad and said that you were his "bitch," and that you should learn to control your urges around him? Remember when Belding broke his keyboard over your head for daring to ask him to give you sexual pleasure? Belding really gave you blue balls that time!
"Bayside Wins the State Championship" recap
Posted: Dec 30 2008, 07:01 AM
Diamond, do you remember that episode where Bayside was playing against Valley High in state title game of the California state football tournament? Remember how the star quarterback was AC Slater and the star running back was Ox? Remember how Rod Belding was the starting wide receiver because he forged his birth certificate? Remember when Slater threw two quick touchdowns to give Bayside a 14-7 lead in the first quarter? Remember when you jerked off Mr. Belding to give the team good luck? Remember when Valley scored a touchdown to even the score and it remained tied in the fourth quarter with mere seconds to play? Remember when Slater threw a last-second touchdown pass to Rod Belding to win the championship? Remember how everyone in the stands erupted in cheers? Remember when Zack Morris dumped a bucket of Gatorade over Coach Rizzo to celebrate the victory? Remember when Slater, Rod Belding, and Zack's dad came up behind you and dumped a Port-A-Potty filled with piss and shit right on top of your head? Remember how much piss and diarrhea your jew-fro absorbed? Remember when you looked up and saw an instant replay on the big scoreboard of the Port-A-Potty being dumped on you? Remember how everyone in the stands was laughing and masturbating at the scene of your humiliation? Remember when you saw the Kelly and your mom on the show were dyking out while walking you crying? Remember when you noticed that the goalpost was wobbling and looked over and saw that Tuttle was perched on top with his pants down around his ankles and he was masturbating vigorously? Remember when the goalpost completely tipped over and Tuttle landed on a chain-link fence surrounding the field? Remember when when Tuttle broke several ribs on the fence, yet continued to jerk off? Remember when Mr. Dewey and Mylo the janitor started sodomizing you and ass-raping you in front of the crowd? Remember when your anal tears from that attack were so bad that you had to wear a diaper for the next two months? You sure got screwed over that time!
"Belding Teaches Diamond About Respect" recap
Posted: Dec 17 2008, 10:09 AM
Diamond, do you remember the episode from the New Class where you were Belding's assistant and you asked him whatever happened to his niece, Penny Belding? Remember when Mr. Belding replied nonchalantly, "Oh, I made her up." Remember when you responded that she did exist and that you took her to a dance at the Max in a prior episode? Remember when Belding got really mad and yelled, "HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME, YOU HOOK-NOSED ZUBAZ-WEARING COCKSUCKING RIM GOBLIN!!!!!!" Remember when Belding pulled out the Rambo knife he kept in his desk and then stabbed you in the stomach, causing massive internal injuries? Remember when Belding inserted his cock in the wound and had sex with your punctured abdomen? Remember how his cock rubbed up against your liver? Remember when he shot a load of HIV+ cum into your lungs and stomach? You sure learned to respect your elders in that episode!
"Diamond Learns the Spirit of Thanksgiving" recap
Posted: Nov 26 2008, 10:05 AM
Diamond, remember that episode where Belding invited you over to his house for a Thanksgiving dinner with Slater, Zack, and Ox? Remember when you arrived at Belding's house and asked where Mrs. Belding was? Remember when Belding replied nonchalantly that he "made her up"? Remember how you had previously asked the same question in Dner's previous Thanksgiving episode, but apparently forgot about it? Remember when Belding started the meal with some salad because Belding said that the main course was still cooking? Remember how Belding served a house salad? Remember when you asked Belding to pass you some cottage cheese for your salad? Remember when Belding said he didn't have any? Remember when you started whining like a little bitch and said, "Zoinks! Mr. B, how am I supposed to eat my salad without cottage cheese??" Remember how mad you were making Mr. Belding? Remember when Belding stood up and said, "That's enough, Diamond! You want some cottage cheese? Here it comes, you HOOK-NOSED RIM GOBLIN!!" Remember when Belding dropped his polyester pants with the 54-inch waist, revealing his cellulite-ridden pasty and chunky legs? Remember when Belding said, "You little Jewish faggot, I have cottage cheese thighs and now you're gonna get some!" Remember when Slater grabbed you from behind and knocked you out of your chair and onto the floor? Remmeber when Belding sat on your face and farted in your mouth while Slater tore away your Zubaz and began ass-slamming you? Remember when Belding ripped several wet farts in your face and made you toss his salad? Remember when you experience horrible pain for the next several minutes until the timer in the kitchen dinged? Remember when Belding got up and said, "the main course is done!" and ran into the kitchen? Remember when he walked out with a cooked animal on a platter? Remember when you looked up and saw that instead of cooking a turkey, Belding had instead cooked your pet dog, Hound Dog, as Rocco previously mentioned? Remember when Belding force-fed Hound Dog's cooked hind legs to you? Remember how Hound Dog tasted like chicken? Remember when Slater picked up the platter and started cracking you over the head with it? Remember when a grandfather clock behind the dining room table started wobbling and you looked over and saw Mr. Tuttle perched on top of it with his pants down around his ankles? Remember how Tuttle was masturbating furiously? Remember when the grandfather clock tipped over and Tuttle took a header into the solid wood dining room table, smashing his chin and causing blood to gush everywhere? Remember how Tuttle kept jerking off until he blew his load and then immediately passed out from the blood loss? Remember when you spent the next few weeks in the hospital recovering from all of your Thanksgiving Day injuries? Remember when you arrived back at home and discovered that your mom had bought you a new dog, a Great Dane, to replace Hound Dog? Remember when you found out that the Great Dane was a horny and gay dog? Remember how the Great Dane would rape you every night when you were trying to sleep? You sure learned about the spirit of Thanksgiving in the episode!
"Bayside's Toilet Paper Shortage" episode recap
Posted: Nov 12 2008, 07:09 AM
Diamond, do you remember that episode where Belding stole Bayside's budget for bathroom supplies and spent it on Hostess Ding Dongs and HoHo's for himself? Remember when, as a result, Bayside ran out of toilet paper? Remember when Belding broke into your locker and everyone, after taking a shit, wiped their asses clean with the possessions in your locker? Remember when Slater wiped his ass clean with your Zubaz gym shorts? Remember when Kelly wiped her ass clean with your pink "Members-Only" jacket? Remember when Maxwell Nerdstrom wiped his ass with your Converse Hi-Tops and Jessie wiped her ass with your Trapper Keeper? Remember when Belding wiped his ass clean with your peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Remember when Zack wiped his ass clean with the Oreo cookies that you were going to eat for lunch that day? Remember when Mr. Dewey scraped shit off his asshole with your Hi-C fruit juice box? Remember when Mylo the janitor wiped his ass with the lock on your locker? The Bayside gang really "shit" on you that time!
"Diamond LEarns About the Insect Kingdom" recap
Posted: Oct 28 2008, 09:44 AM
Diamond, do you remember that episode where there was a fly in Belding's office that kept annoying him? Remember how Belding didn't have any bug spray, so he took a shit in the corner of his office to keep the fly off his desk? Remember how the fly immediately fly over to Belding's meaty turd and started walking on it and eating part of the turd? Remember when Belding grabbed the fly with a tissue and then stuffed it into a 16-oz bottle of Coke and then gave you the bottle of Coke to drink? Remember how you sucked down the Coke without even noticing the fly inside? Remember when you sucked down the last drop and then said, "Thanks, Chief. AAAHHHH! That really hit the spot! Zoinks!" Remember when Belding punched you in the gut and then sodomized you with the Coke bottle and then took a shit on your jew-fro? Remember when you developed a serious staph infection from all of the dangerous diseases that were on the fly you ingested? Belding sure taught you about the insect kingdom that time!
"Diamond Goes to Gym Class" episode recap
Posted: Oct 23 2008, 08:27 AM
Diamond, do you remember that episode where Belding was measuring everyone's cock in the Bayside showers before gym class? Remember how he need a yardstick to measure Slater's cock, but only needed a tiny ruler to measure your baby dick? Remember how everyone laughed at how small your cock was, including Mr. Dewey who was showering naked with everyone for some unknown reason? Remember how the second smallest cock in the class belonged to Maxwell Nerdstrom, and it was 9 inches long? Remember how you measured up at a mere 1/4 of an inch? Remember how everyone started laughing at you and calling you a fag and then pelted you with bars of soap in the shower? Remember when Mylo the Janitor rolled a cart full of towels into the showers and everyone started whipping you with wet towels? Remember when Ox whipped you right in your microscopic nuts with a wet towel, causing you to utter, "Zoinks!" Remember when Slater said he needed to drain his balls and then bent you over? Remember how his cock was much bigger than your tiny butthole? Remember when Slater rectified the problem by lubing you up with a bar of soap? Remember when he shoved the entire bar up your ass and then started raping you while hi-fiving Belding and Mylo? Remember how Zack's dad was also showering naked with your class for some reason and sprayed diarrhea on your bird chest? Remember when you saw that a cart in which dirty jock straps from football practice were stored was rocking back and forth? Remember when the cart tipped over and Mr. Tuttle rolled out and was masturbating vigorously while his pants were down around his ankles and a sweaty jock strap was stuck on his head? Remember when you kept yelling, "Zoinks!!! Zoinks!!!" over and over again throughout your ideal? Remember how mad that made Peter Engel, as you were breaking his concentration while he was trying to jerk off? Remember when Peter Engel walked over and started kicking you in the ribs with his wingtip dress shoes? Remember how everyone except for you was having a great time during this attack? Remember when everyone finally stopped beating and sodomizing you after 15 minutes? Remember when everyone got dressed and left you for dead in the showers? Remember when you caught "athlete's foot" from the dirty showers? The Bayside gang sure got you good that time!
"Diamond Plays Kickball" episode recap
Posted: Oct 15 2008, 10:11 PM
Diamond, remember that time when you and the gang were playing kickball during gym class? Remember how Slater was on your team? Remember how Slater wore bike shorts during gym class and would kick the ball really far? Remember how you would stare at the bulge in his shorts when he rounded the bases? Remember how much you sucked at kickball? Remember how you would clumsily knock the kickball with your knee, instead of your foot, and would often get thrown out? Remember when everyone call Slater the "spark plug" of the team and you the "butt plug" of the team? Remember when Coach Sonski got mad at you for sucking so badly at kickball and raped you in front of the entire class while the students in the class jerked off? Remember when you were on the ground being ass-slammed and you looked up and saw Mr. Tuttle swinging from the rope hanging from the ceiling? Remember how his pants were down around his ankles and he was masturbating vigorously? Remember how he was jerking off so intensely that he accidentally loosened his grip on the rope and went flying off into the electronic scoreboard? Remember when his morbidly obese body shattered various light bulbs on the scoreboard and then he collapsed 20 feet down onto the hardwood floor below onto a sea of glass shards? Remember how profusely he was bleeding? Remember how he kept jerking off until he blew his load and then passed out from massive blood loss? Remember when Coach Sonski rubbed you in Tuttle's blood puddle and you contracted many dangerous STDs, including HIV? The Bayside gang really got you good that time!
Monday, March 09, 2009
My "Remember When..." Queer Fantasies - Part IV
Here are some of my "Remember When..." queer fantasies involving Diamond and the rest of the Saved By The Bell gang: