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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 18 Mar 2017 07:44:29 GMT
Today Jason took an at bat with an experimental swing. He stuck the bat up his ass and then wiggled his but in an attempt to hit the ball with it. Unfortunately his loose asshole couldn't grip the bat properly and it kept falling out of his ass covered in a mucus like shit. The Cubs players cheered and jerked off during this spectacle. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 18 Mar 2017 00:10:09 GMT
That's actually a smart business move. No IRS agent will be able to track all the comings and goings from Jason's asscrack! I bet that genius is laundering millions through his butthole! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 17 Mar 2017 22:31:51 GMT
I went to the Popeye's at the intersection of Irving Park and Ashland on a Wednesday night in February. It is just north of Wrigleyville. I walked in as was initially surprised to see that Jason's grape soda was in the soda machine, but I was absolutely astonished when I saw Jason standing behind the cash register taking orders! Apparently he owns the Popeye's and sometimes works the register because he loves being a businessman and he must be doing well as that location is always busy. Jason was very kind and even gave me a free biscuit! When he rang up my order, it came out to $7.68. I gave him a $10 and assumed that he was going to give me change from the cash drawer. However, I was quite shcoked when he grabbed my $10 when then reached into his underwear and pulled my change out of his asscrack! He acutally pulled out two $1 bills and then three fimes and two pennies - one of the pennies was an old "wheatie" penny from 1957! Although I enjoyed getting a wheatie penny, it was really quite nasty to give change in this way as the dollar bills had doo-doo stains and the coins were warm and moist. Jason's a great guy, but I wish he would dispense chance from the cash register instead of from his ass! |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Fri, 17 Mar 2017 17:42:02 GMT
Well, i took my date there, and I can confirm that the malt liquor is in the works!However, i got so aroused at my new man date that he bent me over the table d'hote's desks at the entrance and rammed me up the a$$ so hard that we didnt have time to eat! there were many many men cheering as this went on! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 17 Mar 2017 12:37:25 GMT
Is Jason going to offer grape flavored malt liquor anytime soon? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 16 Mar 2017 23:01:38 GMT
Damn! I had not heard Jason had expanded his offerings from his delicious grape soda. I must get a few bottles of his fine wine! I wonder if he fortifies it like Mad Dog? |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Thu, 16 Mar 2017 17:35:56 GMT
I heard his 2014 Chateau D'Ass is of a particularly fine vintage.I overheard a conversation between a guy called Steve, and a guy called John at a wine tasting event who said it has 'oaky notes, rounded off with a beautiful earthy patina. Naturally infused with lavender, vanilla and popeyes chicken wing scents. Has anyone else tried? I am dating a man from Botswana and plan to take him there tomorrow night! |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Thu, 16 Mar 2017 17:32:50 GMT
That is hot, but not entirely unexpected news that he has branched out into fine restaurants.I was out in Cali a few months ago, and heard that Heyward brought up a few choice vine fields and has been propping up their growth with his fecal matter and ass blasts This is highly secret fertiliser (despite the rumours that the vineyards double into all night parties full of hobos after 9pm!) |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 14 Mar 2017 07:59:33 GMT
Can anyone confirm that the Cubs are saving money by letting Jason practice being a janitor by scrubbing down the locker and showers each day? Is it true they aren't paying him which is fine with him as he sees the custodial arts as he future calling? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 13 Mar 2017 05:47:12 GMT
Jason's soda was not on the wine list. But those in the know amoung the 1% have become fanatical about his soda. It is very difficult to find but the top restaurants in almost every major city have a small supply of it. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 12 Mar 2017 08:58:04 GMT
Wow, I didn't realize that Jason Heyward's grape soda was so popular among the upper crust of society! He must be making a fortune and he deserves it. Jason only started offering his new super carbonated grape soda to guests at the motivational seminars he started holding after the 2016 World Series and the word-of-mouth was so strong that Dr. Peppet stepped in and offered to help produce and distribute the grape soda nationwide! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 12 Mar 2017 08:50:48 GMT
I was at a fancy restaurant tonight. When I was shown the 60 page wine list by the sommelier I told him I didn't need it, but required he get me a two liter bottle of Jason Heyward's grape soda. He gave me a sly look, then side "fine choice sir". Moments later the plastic two liter was brought out iced up in a champaign stand. After pouring me a small amount I chugged it then let out a massive belch in approval. He then filed the glasses of the remainder of my party. The massive belches from my table filled the entire restaurant making everyone else quite jealous. Unfortunately the Super carbonation was a bit to much for my mother in law and she vomited all over her Waldorf salad. She looked distraught so I stood up and ripped a massive fart in her face which caused everyone to cheer and my mother in law to smile then laugh. Jason's fine soda brought us all such happiness. It was well worth the $2k we were charged. Next time I plan on trying a bottle of "Steve Anus Juice" which I saw in the wine list! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 10 Mar 2017 23:58:18 GMT
I've been seriously thinking about Jason belching unit my asshole while jerking me off. I must make this happen!! This is now my only goal in life. I need to feel his grape soda fueled belch blast itself into my anus while my cock shoots jizz all over the room! |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Fri, 10 Mar 2017 20:41:03 GMT
Wow, so do you think we will only hear about his trysts when he does an 'E-Hollywood true stories' or writes his autobiography? (Randy C) |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 10 Mar 2017 06:11:24 GMT
JM J Bullock has spread the SuperAIDS to every corner of the globe. If Jason dated him there is a solid chance he has it. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 10 Mar 2017 00:49:25 GMT
I believe he did date Steve Bartman for a few days. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 09 Mar 2017 22:09:21 GMT
Has he ever dated JM J Bullock to try to catch the SuperAIDS? |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Thu, 09 Mar 2017 21:46:21 GMT
Does anyone have a list of who he has dated?So far, I have Trayce Thompson, Evan Longoria, Stone Cold Steve Austin and JC Chasez? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 09 Mar 2017 15:13:13 GMT
Come on people. Let's be tolerant . You don't have to be a nigger to want to have Jason belch into your asshole or otherwise service your lascivious penis and ass needs! 💩 |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 09 Mar 2017 07:50:54 GMT
I really want Jason to meet up with me at a rest area. I find the secluded nature of rest area's very arousing. Jason and I would meet up in the rest room where he would be eating a meal of Popeyes fried chicken as well as a few two liters of his delicious super carbonated grape soda. I would then drop my pants and he would begin tounging my anus. After a bit of this he would begin violently belching while giving my a fine reach around. A competition would occur as I would try farting into his mouth while he continued belching into my asshole. I would quickly jizz all over the place, then I would sneak back into the night. Jason let's make this happen! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 08 Mar 2017 21:53:46 GMT
You sound like a nigger lol! |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Wed, 08 Mar 2017 20:39:01 GMT
if it is, someone order me the largest bucket they have! |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Wed, 08 Mar 2017 20:38:38 GMT
Hey Vet, is it true that greasy KFC chicken bones are sometimes used as a two pronged dildo to give Heyward's fans maximum pleasure? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 08 Mar 2017 10:25:51 GMT
I think it would be really hot if Jason drank three 2-liters of his extra carbonated grape soda and then pulled down my pants and repeatedly belched onto my asshole when giving me a reach-around! The feeling of his warm KFC and grape soda breath on my asshole while he strokes my cock would make me cum instantly!!! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 06 Mar 2017 23:51:22 GMT
Rook this board is right where it needs to be. Jason isn't really a baseball player in my mind. He is a motivation belch and fart man who happens to wear a uniform. I for one cannot wait for the season to start to see if Jason farts in the opposing teams catchers face as a means to gain an edge. |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Mon, 06 Mar 2017 06:10:56 GMT
Please God ! Will you bring back the real basedaball fans to this Heyshit Sucks Forum and give him a Pepsid so we can move foreword from this mindless chatter? The only punishment worse would be the A Rod site. But this one is getting too damn close. He who has never passes gas ; toss out the 1st lumpy fart ! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 06 Mar 2017 03:08:07 GMT
Toxic Avenger, Butthole, NY |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 06 Mar 2017 03:05:54 GMT
I see that one of the pictures on this fine board is Jason as a janitor. Is that a part time job he holds? Is he learning a trade to fall back on once his playing days are over? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 05 Mar 2017 21:54:13 GMT
Jason is a terrible player. His farts, belches, and grape soda are his only redeeming qualities. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 05 Mar 2017 11:52:47 GMT
Rookie, Jason Heyward hit a pathetic .104 during the 2016 playoffs and had just 3 singles during the World Series. He was so bad at one point that Manager Joe Maddon benched him despite the fact that he was the Cubs' highest paid player, making more than $21 million last season. During his last at-bat in game 7, he struck out at a ball thrown in the dirt well out of the strike zone. He was interviewed by the Fox game reporter on national TV immediately after the Cubs pulled out the victory in game 7 in extra innings and despite his awful play on the field throughout the playoffs, he shockingly appeared to take most of the credit for the victory! He actually claimed to have motivated his teammates to victory during the rain delay in the 9th inning! It was later discovered that he had belched and farted in his teammates' faces in order to motivate them to give their best in a tactic similar to Tony Robbins' tactic of having people walk on hot coal. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 05 Mar 2017 00:57:00 GMT
Jason's entire season was known for his massive motivation fart and belch "speech" he gave to rally the Cubs to the World Series victory. Since then he has capitalized on this by farting and belching his way to millions of dollars through endorsements and speeches! He also created a ridiculously over carbinated soda. He is an amazing man. His farts, belches, and soda will continue to be the topics of the day in here. |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sat, 04 Mar 2017 03:29:15 GMT
I agree 100% Man! Right On ! Who are these idiots and I wish the comments were as good as some from last year. These yo-yos are on the wrong site with their stupid shit chatter. |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sat, 04 Mar 2017 03:08:10 GMT
Man! Has this Forem degenerated from last season. Pathetic sophomoric gibberish. Sounds like a bunch of Jr High Cardinal or Dodger fans. Nothing to do about the real topic of baseball anymore. Sad attempts at humor. |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Thu, 02 Mar 2017 10:17:52 GMT
I want Jason to meet me in a Wendy's restroom. I will be taking a dump and Jason will belch on my cock! I bet the feeling of releasing a steaming turd combined with the tingle of Jason's massive belch will be highly erotic! I'm thinking of eating a Wendy's burger during this erotic encounter but think it may detract from the overall experience. Jason let's make this happen! |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Sun, 26 Feb 2017 20:47:34 GMT
Vet that is one hot dream. Just think that long offer Jason's playing days are over he will still be able to entertain and delight his fans with his loud belches and ridiculously loud wet farts. I can't wait for him to retire and spend all his time motivating and delighting his gay fans! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 26 Feb 2017 10:56:43 GMT
I just saw an infomercial for Jason Heyward's new motivational seminar in which he rips wet farts and belches in the faces of attendees. My balls are about to explode - because the mere thought of my favorite baseball player belching in my face really turns me on!!! I think it would be hot if we both went to Pizza Hut and then he belched in my face and then let me fart in his mouth while other patrons in the restaurant watch leer and masturbated vigorously! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 25 Feb 2017 00:06:28 GMT
Damn. That will be amazing. I can't wait to watch it! Vet do you know if it will cover any of the celebratory shower scenes? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 24 Feb 2017 13:23:42 GMT
I heard that there is a new ESPN 30 For 30 movie about Jason Heyward. It is entitled "Saved By the Belch" and focuses on the motivational belches and farts he produced to rally the Chicago Cubs to victory during the 9th inning rain delay at the 2016 World Series! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 23 Feb 2017 13:17:26 GMT
I would love it if Jason were to drink 3 2-liters of his super-carbonated grape soda and then tongue my anus. The mere thought of him belching in my ass crack while licking my dirty butthole is a huge turn-on! I bet that the sensation of feeling his warm belch on my asshole would make me cum instantly! I just hope he doesn't feel sick from all of the grape soda and accidentally puke in my ass crack! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 21 Feb 2017 23:12:22 GMT
I heard that in his first at bats of spring training Jason stood at the plate, his bat on his shoulder, and loudly belched each time the ball crossed the plate. He then ripped a fart in the catchers face. I'm not sure how this will benefit his team if he does this in game at bats? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 21 Feb 2017 12:59:28 GMT
Burger King is reportedly going to acquire Popeye's Louisiana Chicken. This is a tremendous opportunity for Jason! He should be able to expand the market penetration of his grape soda brand. Right now, it is most popular with the black community that frequents Popeye's. If Burger King decides to add Jason's grape soda to their soda machines, Jason's net worth may explode higher! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 19 Feb 2017 09:24:21 GMT
I think it is great that the Chicago Cubs is the first majority-gay Major League Baseball team. I bet they have hot orgies in the locker room after every game. Jason Heyward undoubtedly gets a sugar high from drinking his grape soda and is whipped into a homosexual frenzy!! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 19 Feb 2017 08:18:38 GMT
Today at Spring training Jason danced the Macarena nude while pouring grape soda all over himself and having the rookies drink it from his ass crack. He is really going all out to make sure the rookies feel at home! |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sun, 19 Feb 2017 03:06:55 GMT
All I can is the cubs deserve heyward |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 18 Feb 2017 08:40:20 GMT
I heard that Jason welcomed the rookies to Soring training by entertaining them in a hot black thong. He then ripped numerous farts while eating a bucket of Popeye's chicken and some of their rice and beans. He then downed a two liter of his grape soda and let out a belch so powerful it couldn't help but motivate those rookies! He finished this off by hitting the showers with them and grinding his cock against them. What a teammate! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 14 Feb 2017 23:37:11 GMT
Damn! That is so erotic! It's amazing the level of deviancy Popeye's tolerates in their restaurants! I'll enjoy when one of my lovers belches into my ass. It tickles and feels so damn good. I normally repay this treat with a nice diarrhea blast! |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Tue, 14 Feb 2017 19:28:43 GMT
Why do you want to know, vet (8:45) |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 14 Feb 2017 12:53:22 GMT
I was at a Popeye's chicken last Friday and saw Jason squatting naked over a gay black guy. Someone poured Jason's grape soda onto Jason's ass crack and then it dripped down into the gay guy's mouth! Jason then farted in the guy's face while the guy belched at the same exact moment! It was amazing!!! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 14 Feb 2017 08:45:58 GMT
I wonder what Jason's farts smell like after an afternoon of eating KFC, Flamin' Hot Cheetos, an entire watermelon, and three 2-liters of his super carbonated grape soda? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 12 Feb 2017 23:59:06 GMT
Jason's farts are known to clear a room, but his most potent weapon is when he rips a KFC fueled fart closely followed by a ridiculously loud grape soda belch. This has been known to render people unconscious. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 11 Feb 2017 07:16:19 GMT
Has anyone smelled one of Heyward's farts? The combination of all of that grape soda he drinks plus his diet of daily KFC must produce rank farts! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 10 Feb 2017 08:58:03 GMT
Ugh. Today my asshole stopped functioning and I can't even rip farts. I'm still having my wife fill my saline bag with Jason's amazing grape soda which I believe is keeping me alive. Today my hospital room phone rang and when I answer it I heard a ridiculously loud belch. I believe this was Jason motivating me to get better and to keep drinking his soda!! My crappy doctors told me continuing to ingest Jason's soda is causing further damage and I will soon need a colostomy bag. I told them to eat shit as I love that soda way to much to believe their lies! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 08 Feb 2017 02:31:05 GMT
Hey guys. I'm now in the hospital as my liver and kidneys have failed. The doctors say I need to stop drinking Jason's delicious soda, but I told them to eat shit as it's awesome and isn't the cause of my problems. I even had my wife fill my saline bag with soda instead of that stupid solution they were giving me. Now I lay here watching Jason's delicious soda drip into my vein. Unfortunately intravenous use does not give me the powerful burps that drinking it by mouth did. It also burns as it enters my bloodstream, but I know that's just it's total awesomeness entering my body!! Once I'm outta here I'm buying a truck load! |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Sun, 05 Feb 2017 19:04:36 GMT
...If there's a line of gay people queing up for this soda, is it still a straight line? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 05 Feb 2017 11:26:58 GMT
I heard Jason planned on having a Super Bowl commercial for his soda. For some reason it was turned away when the censors watched it and saw it was Jason ripping farts in people's faces and belching loudly in and old woman's face giving her a heart attack. The ending was Jason engaging in hard core anal sex with some guy with a massive Jew fro. I think the censors are racists. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 04 Feb 2017 09:08:22 GMT
I know a guy named D'Shawn Jefferson who won that contest last week. He won free KFC for a month! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 04 Feb 2017 07:58:11 GMT
Steve Anus, Key Largo, Fl |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 04 Feb 2017 03:35:32 GMT
Has anyone else entered the contest on the back of Jason's delicious grape soda? I have entered hundreds of times in the hopes I will win and Jason will call me and "loudly belch and/or fart into the phone to motivate the winner". If I win I hope Jason has a belch and a fart combo! I'm sure that would motivate me to achieve amazing things! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 04 Feb 2017 03:21:58 GMT
Wow Rook, that really sounds like top notch car meet! I've only been drinking Jason's grape soda for a short while now and although I've encountered numerous unreleased serious Heath issues I also have received the gift of monster belches. Today my dog was being annoying and I belched on him. He helped and ran away. I haven't seen him since. Awesome! |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Thu, 02 Feb 2017 23:36:40 GMT
Hey Vets, I was at a classic car convention this morning, and d uring a particularly heated meeting about the benefits of mid 60's Mini Coopers, we open a bottle of Grape Soda and me and a few Japanese, African and Dutch enthusiasts started hugging the grape soda.Within second we were farting and slamming each other's ass in a moaning frenzy. After, we also cleared up one of the big debates about the trueness of the cooper engines, by sticking our rectum over the exhaust pipe and farting load after loads of gas into the pipe. This both cleaned the engne and served as a sort of hybrid fuel. I wonder if it has other uses than the ones all you esteemed veterans have espoused below? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 02 Feb 2017 09:41:15 GMT
Vet, it is strange that this happened to you but not to Jason Heyward. Is he immune to the side effects of his super-carbonated beverage? Or is he so used to years or drinking grape soda that he is immune to the nasty side-effects? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 02 Feb 2017 06:10:33 GMT
Another update. Today my toe fell off and I lost 3 more teeth. In good news my belches are louder then ever! My wife annoyed me yelling at me to stop drinking so much of Jason's delicious grape soda. I loudly belched in her face and it blew out her left eardrum! I saw so happy I crapped my pants! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 01 Feb 2017 07:56:31 GMT
Update. I wasn't feeling well and went to my doctor again today. He ran some tests and found out I have diabetes. I also have a myriad of venerial diseases as well as kidney disease. I had none of these things just a few weeks ago. Also, I have lost 4 teeth since trying Jason's soda. My doctor says all of this is related to my recent heavy consumption of Jason's delicious soda but I don't believe him. To express my displeasure I loudly belched in his face, then stopped by Walmart to buy 30 more 2 liters! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 31 Jan 2017 16:06:44 GMT
I'm not certain but they were bad enough I had to go to my doctor. He said he had never seen anything like it and told me not to drink and more of Jason's soda. I told him no way as I like it too much. I then ripped a loud fart and left his office. Afterwards I went to WalMart and bought a case of 2 liters! I have noticed one of my teeth have come loose but I can't be certain my consumption of Jason's delicious soda has anything to do with it. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 30 Jan 2017 05:25:04 GMT
Hey Vet, that's strange that Jason's grape soda gave your mouth sores. Do you think he used a different type of gas for the carbonation, such as stale farts or mustard gas? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 30 Jan 2017 03:43:16 GMT
I found one of Jason's grape soda's at my local Walmart today. I bought a 2 liter and was excited to drink it. When I drank it I found it had an ok taste but that it's super carbonated. I started belching immedialty. Then farting. I burped until I puked, then had diarrhea. The aftertaste was very acidic and left sores in my mouth. Overall I really enjoyed it! Has anyone else had a chance to taste this fine soda? |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 28 Jan 2017 04:56:49 GMT
That could be a really smart idea. All that great will probably fill people up faster causing them to eat less. Also, the enormous amount of farts will definitely be a hit with the gay community who will definitely patronize the place heavily and have tons of buttsex in the men's room. |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Mon, 23 Jan 2017 13:03:57 GMT
Jason has plowed his money into a new "concept" fast food restaurant. He is opening "The Heyward House" where customers can eat extremely greasy food such as friend chicken, tacos, and deep dish pepperoni pizza and may also have as many refills of grape soda as they desire! The idea is that the food is 75% greasier than that of other fast food joints. The grease is supposed to help patrons produce more farts and the grape soda is super-charged with additional carbonation to help produce more belches per ounce of liquid! Jason will also sell fries that he personally farted on! I'm sure his restaurant chain will be a hit! |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Mon, 23 Jan 2017 03:58:28 GMT
Taco Bell hired Jason for their new ad campaign entitled "Make America Fart Again." In the first tv ad, Jason is shown eating a couple tacos while wearing his Cubs uniform - he then stands up and rips a ridiculously loud fart in the face of Steve Bartman, who was sitting right next to him. The camera then zooms in on Steve Bartman, who is smiling and says "Now that's what I call a 'Fourth Meal!!!'" |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Thu, 19 Jan 2017 11:16:12 GMT
Does Jason offer any consulting services? I would like to hire him to analyze my farts to see whether they contain any motivational properties. I envision ripping ass right in his face and then receiving my fart analysis minutes later! I would gladly pay $20 for this service |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Mon, 16 Jan 2017 20:21:19 GMT
Jason is celebrating Martin Luther King Jr Day by offering free motivational farts at the Lakeview KFC tonight between 5-6pm !!! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 16 Jan 2017 09:04:38 GMT
That commercial is a sure fire hit! I'm sure once black America is introduced to Jason's fine grape soda they will purchase it in bulk so they to can try to belch like Jason. I wonder if Jason will discuss this amazing business with President Obama tomorrow while the Cubs are at the White House? I also wonder if Kris Bryant will sniff Obama's Anus. I bet it's filthy! |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Fri, 13 Jan 2017 07:48:39 GMT
I heard that Jason has purchased advertising time during the Super Bowl to air an ad for his new grape soda brand. Apparently he holds up a can of the grape soda while belching for 30 seconds. Kris Bryant apparently makes a cameo appearance sniffing Heyward 's ass for some reason! I'm sure it will be a success, although I question how Kris Bryant sniffing Heyward's ass will help sales... |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 10 Jan 2017 07:33:20 GMT
I heard that Jason was furious to find out the wedding was recorded and is demanding his motivational fart be cut out of each video or all videos be destroyed! He is ready to sue everyone if his motivational secrets are released. In other news I heard that Jason was in the line at a Popeyes Fried Chicken last week and left a loud fart. He began demanding the people behind him pay him for the "motivational speech". When they refused to cough up he threw a fit! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 09 Jan 2017 07:30:07 GMT
Anthony Rizzo and Jason Heyward were at Kris Bryant's wedding over the weekend!!! I heard Jason Heyward stood up to give a toast to the new bride and groom and then held the microphone up to has ass and ripped a loud fart to inspire them to have a great marriage! Anthony Rizzo ate 5 meat lover's deep dish pizzas for lunch before the ceremony and then got really drunk during the reception and cleared the dance floor several times by ripping rank pepperoni farts!!!See - http://ftw.usatoday.com/2017/01/kris-bryant-married-wedding-jessica-delp-chicago-cubs-anthony-rizzo-las-vegas |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Sat, 07 Jan 2017 07:13:49 GMT
I ran into Jason Heyward in a KFC men's room last year. I was pissing at a urinal when I accidentally let out a loud fart. I heard some clapping and looked over and saw Jason Heyward smiling whiling wearing his Cubs uniform. He said, "well played, young man! Dear God was that well played!" I was a little weirded out and said "thanks" as I scurried over to the sink to wash my hands. The next thing I knew Jason Heyward was tugging down my jeans and underwear and then he knelt down and started licking my butt hole! He said, "Nice and smelly, just the way I like it. Thanks, dude!" I'm not gay at all, although I have to say he's an expert rimmer! I came within a few minutes until climaxing onto the filthy floor, which Jason when licked up like the greedy cum guzzler he is! He then rinsed his mouth out with some grape soda, gave me an autographed Topps baseball card, and then I quickly left! I hope to run into him the next time I stop at a KFC... |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 06 Jan 2017 08:11:55 GMT
I've heard Jerry Jones has been in contact with Jason. He is thinking of adding him to the roster so Jason can help the Cowboys! Jason could burp and fart motivate the Cowboys all the way to the Super Bowl! |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Mon, 02 Jan 2017 09:19:27 GMT
Jason is giving a guest lecture to a marketing class at the Kellogg School of Management in February on branding. I heard he's going to eat lunch at Taco Bell beforehand and will then belch and rip wet farts in the faces of the student body to motivate them to be strong leaders! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 01 Jan 2017 23:38:25 GMT
That's an amazing report Rookie. For the minuscule amount he's paid by the Cubs the gun is still going all out. He may not be good enough to play in the game itself, but he will still motivate those who actually do play through his burps and farts. Him developing that new soda shows he is truly dedicated to riding he bench and being a full time motivator! |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sun, 01 Jan 2017 19:22:44 GMT
I heard that Jason is developing his own brand of grape soda which has twice the carbonation as a regular soda. He says it will allow him to geberate belches will motivational properties enhanced by 300%!!! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 01 Jan 2017 12:01:12 GMT
Jason spent New Years drinking dozens of two liters of grape soda and calling his teammates to belch loudly into the phone. ESPN reported he was doing this to set the tone for 2017. His motivational farts and burps will continue on. What a hero. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 27 Dec 2016 20:36:14 GMT
Jason spent Christmas with his family. There was a ruckus and the cops had to be called when Jason only brought one bucket of KFC and a single two liter of grape soda. With all his baseball and motivation speaking money his family expected him to bring the entire Christmas KFC feast. When he only brought enough for himself a fight broke out and the Cops came. Jason motivated them to beat and taze his out of control family members by releasing many KFC ruled motivational farts! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 26 Dec 2016 06:02:52 GMT
How dare Jason drink all the grape soda and cause that riot! He should have known black people care more about grape soda then any motivational nonsense Jason thinks his belches communicate. |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Sat, 24 Dec 2016 10:09:14 GMT
Jason caused a scene last weekend at a Popeye's chicken place when he stayed for hours and got about 15 refills of grape Crush at the soda machine and kept benching in the faces of restaurant patrons in order to inspire them. The patrons, however, didn't think the belches were inspirational and were upset. When the many black patrons realized Jason had drunk all of the grape soda, all hell broke loose and a riot occurred! Jason's belches may be losing their motivational powers! He'd better hope his farts are more inspirational than his belches if he still wants to be a motivational speaker! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 18 Dec 2016 03:56:25 GMT
I've heard that Jason's farts are being analyzed by many agencies. The Military wants to duplicate it to motivate troops, NASA wants it to spray on Astronauts in case of trouble, and so on. Hopefully our countries enemies don't get a hold of Jason's amazing fart juice! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 17 Dec 2016 07:31:49 GMT
Jason is so lucky that the Cub's manager, Joe Maddon, overused Aroldis Chapman during the last few games of the World Series, paving the way for Heyward to sweep in and motivate the Cubs with his "fat heard 'round the world."I saw this article in ESPN where Chapman criticized Maddon's use of him during the World Series - http://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/18292641/new-york-yankees-closer-aroldis-chapman-says-chicago-cubs-manager-joe-maddon-misused-playoffs |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 16 Dec 2016 06:14:14 GMT
Unfortunately he really blew out his asshole with a massive fart while motivating some Goldman Sachs bankers. Today he did do a quick Skype call with some managers of various Meinkie Muffler stores. Certainly not as lucrative as all he could do was belch a few times. |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Thu, 15 Dec 2016 20:31:35 GMT
...can't he still do it with a ripped ass? That would be worth prime time seats with many mouths expectantly open! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 15 Dec 2016 07:38:47 GMT
Jason has ripped so many motivational farts he tore his anus. He is distraught and may miss much of next season. He will however continue to motivate people over Skype with his motivational burps. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 14 Dec 2016 11:48:27 GMT
Rookie, that is very insensitive and judgmental of you to label the people who post here as "pervs." Yes, there are numerous posts here about Jason Heyward and his farts, anus, and gay lovers. However, don't forget that Jason did motivate the Cubs to the 2016 World Series victory by farting in the faces of the other players. I am sure that some of the posts here are simply queer fantasies about Jason Heyward. And yes, there probably are a number of gay fans to visit this forum just to read the queer fantasies with their pants are down around their ankles while masturbating vigorously. But calling those people "pervs" is just wrong! |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 14 Dec 2016 07:16:08 GMT
Jason is a gay man who's life is committed to giving motivational speeches that involve mainly him farting and belching. He was recently dating Steve Bartman. But has also been spotted with MLB groupie Steve Anus. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 14 Dec 2016 00:26:44 GMT
How dare you accuse these wonderful people of being "pervs"! Instead of the normal hate filled board this has become a loving board filled with uber hot tales of Jason'a motivational speeches and sexual encounters. I for one love this fine board. |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Tue, 13 Dec 2016 21:02:52 GMT
this site is f**kin dumb and full of perves |
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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Tue, 13 Dec 2016 17:52:50 GMT
Hai, I am a Ethiopian smallholding farmer. At our local church a man called 'Mr. Heyward' was in town offering business solutions to SME business specializing in upscaling sustainable businesses. Me agree in no time! In 10 minutes massa Heyward came to man's house and spead his bum cheek wide and let loose many bum grape. Me now have 6 farms, 2 chickens and 3 goat with 15 kids that look exactly like Mr Heyward. |
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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 13 Dec 2016 08:18:21 GMT
I bet that woman stank like ass. Did she leave any monster burps? I
hope Jason releases his soda only in a 4 liter container. Then that
lady would have had to lug the 4 liter on the plane and would have
chugged it down in 15 minutes or so. She may have then belched so
powerfully a hole would have been ripped in the plane! |
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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Mon, 12 Dec 2016 00:13:21 GMT
Jason, I was sitting next to a black woman on a nearly 4-hour airplane
ride. She really did sick down a 20-oz Grape Crush soda during the
flight! Hurry up and release your grape soda brand - you're sitting on a
gold mine! |
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