Friday, September 11, 2009

My "Remember When..." Queer Fantasies - Part VI

Here are some of my "Remember When..." queer fantasies involving Diamond and the rest of the Saved By The Bell gang:

"Diamond Learns About Flossing" recap
Posted: Sep 8 2009, 08:37 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you saw that several of Mr. Belding's gray pubes were stuck to the rim of the urinal in the teacher's lounge? Remember when you grabbed Belding's pubes and started flossing with them? Remember when Belding ran into the bathroom and jumped onto the toilet seat and sprayed diarrhea because he had just eaten some bad tacos? Remember when Belding wiped and then flushed the toilet and walked over to wash his hands? Remember when he saw that you were flossing with his pubes? Remember how mad that made Belding and he started yelling at you? Remember how you thought that Belding was mad that you were stealing his precious pubic hair? Remember when Belding said he didn't care whether you took his discarded pubes, but that you were not allowed to clean your teeth because he wanted your teeth to rot and fall out? Remember how Belding said that you would give him better blowjobs without teeth? Remember when Belding kicked your face in and then vicously ass-raped you until his shot his STD-ridden load up your ass? Remember when the ceiling tiles started squeaking and then you looked up and saw your mom on the show, Mrs. Powers, falling through the ceiling tiles to the ground? Remember how she was naked from the waist down and was fingering her shaved cooch to your cries for help? You really learned about flossing in that episode!

"Diamond Learns About Nutrition" episode recap
Posted: Sep 2 2009, 06:22 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you were in Mr. Dewey's Science class and the topic that day was nutrition? Remember when you raised your hand and said, "Zoinks! Is it true that you are what you eat?" Remember when Mr. Dewey replied, "It's true in your case - it explains why you have cock breath, pubic hair growing on your head, and your sweat smells like Mr. Belding's farts!" Remember when you started crying and everyone in the class started laughing uncontrollably? Remember when Dewey got mad at you for disrupting his class and started throwing chalk and erasers at you? Remember when everyone else in the class started throwing books, chairs, and beakers full of acid at you? Remember when Slater tore off your Zubaz and inserted his cock into your ass while Maxwell Nerdstrom lodged his massive penis into your mouth? Remember how much pain you were in at the time? Remember when the door to the supply closet in the back of the room suddenly swung open and your mom on the show, Mrs. Powers, fell out onto the floor? Remember how relieved you were to see your mom? Remember how much less relieve you were when you saw that her skirt was up and she was fingering herself to the sounds of your cries for help? You sure learned about nutrition that time!

"Diamond Learns How To Play Boggle" recap
Posted: Aug 28 2009, 10:48 PM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you were playing Boggle with Zack, Slater, and Belding at Belding's wooden dinner table? Remember when it was your turn to shake up the lettered dice? Remember when you put the plastic lid on top of the Boggle board and shook up the dice? Remember how Belding had an ear infection at the time and got really mad at you for shaking the Boggle dice too loudly? Remember when he yelled, "Dammit Diamond, why are you shaking those dice so loudly, you shithead hook-nosed rim goblin!!!???" Remember when Belding punched you in the face, knocking you onto the kitchen floor? Remember when Belding picked up the 150-lb wooden kitchen table and smashed it down onto your frail body, trapping you underneath? Remember when Slater tore off your Zubaz and then Slater, Zack, and Belding took turns having voilent anal sex with your butthole and jumping on top of the table? Remember how you broke three ribs and contracted genital warts during this vicious attack? You really learned about the rule of Boggle that time!

"Diamond Learns About Toilet Paper" recap
Posted: Aug 25 2009, 07:52 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where Mr. Belding had that pizza party over at his house to celebrate the graduation of Zack, Slater, and the rest of the gang from Bayside? Remember how you used Belding's bathroom to take a dump? Remember how you used several piece of toilet paper to wipe your ass and then flushed the toilet and rejoined the party? Remember when Belding walked into the bathroom and saw the the toilet paper roll had been moved and realized that you had used some of his precious toilet paper? Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when Belding ran into his living room where you and Zack were playing Super Mario Bros. on Belding's Nintendo? Remember when Belding screamed at you, "Dammit Diamond, how dare you use MY toilet paper, you hook-nosed cock-sucking Jewish rim goblin?" Remember when Belding said, "Diamond, if you have to wipe yourself, use your shorts or bring your own toilet paper, ASSHOLE!!!" Remember when Belding started throwing Nintendo cartridges at you as hard as he could? Remember when Slater and Zack started punching you while Belding kicked you in the head? Remember when Belding and Slater dragged you outside into the yard and tore off your Zubaz and started spit-roasting you?

Remember when you looked saw a bush move across the street and thought that it must be Tuttle masturbating? Remember how relieved you were when you realized that it was your own mom, Mrs. Powers? Remember how you thought she would rescue you? Remember when you quickly realized that she wasn't going to rescue you when you saw that her panties were down around her ankles and she was fingering herself to the sounds of you screaming? Remember when you heard a crackling sound and saw a bunch of sparks shooting out of the light post across the street? Remember when you looked up and saw that Mr. Tuttle was on top of the light post masturbating furiously? Remember how the immense weight of Tuttle's morbidly obese body caused the steel light post to snap in half and Tuttle crashed down onto the street? Remember when a van drove over him? Remember how Tuttle kept jerking off despite massive internal bleeding and only stopped after blowing his load and losing consciousness? Remember when Hound Dog walked through his doggie door into the yard and got mad because you were being ass-raped right in the spot where he wanted to take a dump? Remember when Hound Dog jumped onto your back and shit all over the shirt you were wearing? Your sure learned about toilet paper that time!

"Diamond Teaches Mr. Belding a Lesson" Recap
Posted: Aug 10 2009, 09:17 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode of Saved By The Bell where the cafeteria made Mexican food? Remember how you ate several beef tacos and Mr. Belding ate seven beef tacos, two enchiladas, and three beef burritos? Remember how greasy the lunch meal was? Remember how the episode script called for you to walk into the bathroom in the teacher's lounge and be coated with a diarrhea spray from Belding? Remember how happy you were when you read the script because you enjoyed Belding's warm and tasty diarrhea sprays? Remember how you were an expert on diarrhea and knew that people who go diarrhea a lot become dehydrated due to the discharge of water, salts, and electrolytes in their liquefied stools? Remember how you decided to use your fecal expertise to get even with Mr. Belding for all of the times his viciously ass-raped you and gave you dangerous STDs? Remember when the filming of the bathroom scene began and you were supposed to yell out "Zoinks!!!" when Belding sprayed the diarrhea in your face? Remember when you opened the bathroom door and were hit with a massive diarrhea spray and Belding also unleashed a ridiculously loud fart? Remember when you uttered "Yuck!!!" Remember how the director got mad at you for screwing up your line and said, "Dammit, you hook-nosed rim goblin! Now we have to re-shoot the scene again, ass-fuck!!!" Remember how the director that day was your father, singer Neil Diamond, and that he hated you? Remember when you opened the bathroom door for the second take and Belding sprayed diarrhea in your face and you fell over and yelled, "Aw snap!!!" Remember when the director and everyone on the set got mad at you for having screwed up your line for the second time? Remember when you re-shot the same scene several more times until the fifth take when Belding sprayed a small amount of diarrhea in your face and then passed out from extreme dehydration? Remember when you pulled down your Zubaz and started jerking off your tiny cock? Remember when you blew a load onto Belding's unconscious body? Remember how your microscopic balls produced a load so small that it actually evaporated before it reached Belding's face? Remember when you started yelling, "Zoinks!!! Zoinks!!! Diamond's the man!!! Zoinks!!!" Remember when Slater threw a paperweight at your head to shut you up because you were being extremely annoying? Remember when you regained consciousness several minutes later? Remember when you subsequently contracted tetanus from all of the diarrhea sprays Belding gave you that day? Remember when Mr. Belding violently raped you every day for the next week and broke several of your rubs during these homosexual encounters? Remember how contracting tetanus and being violently beaten were worthwhile in exchange for finally getting the better of Mr. B for once? You sure taught Belding a lesson about diarrhea that time!

"Diamond Learns About Answering Machines" recap
Posted: Jul 28 2009, 08:01 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you saw an ad for Ross department stores that indicated that Zubaz were on sale for 20% off? Remember how happy that made you because you had been thinking about purchasing a new pair of pink Zubaz after you ruined your last pair during a diarrhea accident at Taco Bell? Remember when you called Mr. Belding to inform him of the good news? Remember how Belding didn't answer the phone, so you left a message on his answering machine? Remember how you uttered, "Zoinks, Mr. B!!! Ross is selling my Zubaz for 20% off! Zoinks! Zoinks!" Remember when Mr. Belding arrived at his house a couple hours later and saw the red light blinking on his answering machine? Remember how happy he was because he thought that the x-rated video store was leaving him a message to tell him that "Gay Teabaggers #7" was finally in stock? Remember when he pushed the button to listen to the message and discovered that it was a message from you? Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when Belding hopped into his car and sped over to your house? Remember when Belding saw you on your driveway shooting basketball? Remember when Belding yelled out, "Diamond, how dare you leave a message on my answering machine, you ZUBAZ-WEARING HOOK-NOSED COCKSUCKING PIECE OF JEWISH SHIT!!!! You should know better than to call me when I'm not in!" Remember when you replied, "Zoinks Mr. B! How am I supposed to know whether you are in unless I call?" Remember how your flippant remark enraged Belding? Remember when Belding picked up your basketball and fired in at your nose? Remember when it hit you right in the conk and blood spurted everywhere? Remember when Belding yelled, "Diamond you are making a mess on the driveway. Let me rake up the garbage?" Remember when Belding grabbed a lawn rake from your garage and started rubbing the sharp edges over your face, causing even more bleeding? Remember when Belding yanked off your Zubaz and sodomized you with the rake handle? Remember when Belding pulled the rake handle out of your ass and then inserted his cock into your ass and started ass-slamming you? Remember when several cars drove by on the street and the passengers were honking their horns and cheering? Remember when Belding shot his load up your ass with such force that you flew off his cock like a rocket and landed in your neighbor's tree and then fell to the ground? Remember when you heard a rumbling sound and looked over and saw that your basketball hoop was wobbling? Remember how the hoop was mounted on a metal pole encased in 300 lbs of concrete? Remember when you looked up and saw Tuttle sitting on the backboard with his pants around his ankles, masturbating vigorously? Remember when the basketball backboard snapped in half and Tuttle came crashing down onto the ground and hit his head on the concrete? Remember how Tuttle kept jerking off until he blew his load and then passed out and went into a coma? You sure learned about answering machine etiquette that time!

"Diamond's Weinermobile Ride" episode recap
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Kurt Steinberg
Posted: Jul 8 2009, 06:29 AM

Diamond, I just read that the real-life Oscar Meyer recently died. This reminded me of the episode where you and Mr. Belding were eating hot dogs in the teacher's lounge at Bayside. Remember how there was a notice on the hot dog package about a contest to ride in the official Oscar Meyer "Weinermobile"? Remember how you had always wanted to ride in the Weinermobile and used to hum the Oscar Meyer jingle while taking dumps? Remember when Belding told you that he pulled some strings and would give you a ride on his Weinermobile? Remember how surprised you were, as you hadn't realized that Belding owned a Weinermobile? Remember when you eagerly agreed and then Belding dropped his pants and whipped out his enormous cock? Remember when he forcefully lodged his erect cock into your ass and said, "How's the ride? I know my Weinermobile may go on a bumpy ride, but it handles well, you ZUBAZ-WEARING COCKSUCKER!!!" Remember when Belding ass-raped you for the next 10 minutes and then sodomized you with his Principal of the Year trophy? Belding really taught you something that time!

"Belding Gives Diamond a New Fuck Hole" ep recap
Posted: Jul 6 2009, 06:48 AM

Diamond, remember that time when Slater and Zack's dad were double-teaming you? Remember how Slater's cock was in your mouth while Zack's dad's cock while pounding away at your ass? Remember when Mr. Belding saw this and got mad because you didn't have any holes for him to fuck at the time? Remember when Belding remedied the situation by pulling out a .357 caliber Magnum handgun and shot you in the chest? Remember how the gunshot left a hole in your chest? Remember when Belding had sex with the bullet hole in your chest, using your blood gushing out as lubrication? Remember when Belding shot a huge load into your chest and you nearly died from the combination of blood loss and all of the STDs that passed from Belding's diseased semen into the bloodstream in your chest? Belding really got you good that time!

Diamond Plays Dodgeball
Posted: Jun 24 2009, 10:45 PM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you were playing dodgeball in Coach Rizzo's gym class? Remember how Rizzo changed the rules so that you didn't have to leave the game if you were hit with the ball? Remember how everyone was throwing dodgeballs at you as hard as they could? Remember when Ox couldn't find a dodgeball, so he threw a bowling ball at you instead? Remember when Slater threw a chunk of wood from the bleachers at your head? Remember when Coach Rizzo joined in the fun and started whipping dodgeballs at your head? Remember when Rizzo threw a dodgeball with such force that it got stuck the left nostril of your gigantic hook nose? Remember when Zack slammed the back of your head into a brick wall to dislodge the ball? Remember when you lost consciousness and then woke up 20 minutes later in a puddle of piss, semen, and diarrhea? You sure learned about the importance of physical education in that episode!

"Diamond Learns About Gambling" recap
Posted: Jun 8 2009, 08:25 PM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you played cards at Slater's house and Mr. Belding, Maxwell Nerdstrom, Ox, Mr. Tuttle, and Zack's dad? Remember how odd it was that Zack's dad played cards at Slater's house with your group even though Zack was out on a date with Kelly? Remember how much fun you had and Belding suggested they all gather at your house the next week for a game of craps? Remember how you assumed that when Belding said "craps," he was referring to the gambling dice game? Remember when Belding, Nerdstrom, Ox, and Zack's dad showed up at your house the next week? Remember when Belding said, "Let's play craps biatch!" Remember when Belding dropped his pants and took a massive dump in your underwear drawer and then said, "Hey Diamond, I just crapped out!" Remember when Ox shit all over your Zubaz suit and said, "That was a lucky number seven Diamond, come suck my cock!" Remember when Zack's dad stuck his ass in the laundry chute and took a dump while selling 50 computers on his huge cordless brick-sized phone? Remember when Nerdstrom took out Kevin the Robot's battery pack and shit on Kevin's wheels and wiped his ass clean with Kevin's claws and then reattached Kevin's battery pack? Remember when Kevin began to boot up and then saw the shit on his wheels and claws and thought that you had done this to him? Remember how mad that made Kevin the Robot? Remember when Kevin started ass-raping you with his metal cock while everyone jerked off? Remember when you heard a rumbling sound coming from the attic above your bedroom and looked up and saw Mr. Tuttle crash through the ceiling and down onto your bed? Remember how his pants were down around his ankles and he was masturbating vigorously? Remember when he blew his load and then sprayed diarrhea on your pillow? Remember when everyone gave each other high-fives and then went over to Pizza Hut to share a deep dish "Meat Lovers" pizza, leaving you in a puddle of blood, oil (from Kevin's cock), and liquid shit? Remember when your mom came home and saw the mess and grounded you for a year? You sure learned the dangers of gambling that time!

"The Masturbation Contest" episode recap
Posted: May 12 2009, 11:03 PM

Diamond, remember that episode where you and Maxwell Nerdstrom were having a masturbation contest? Remember how Mr. Belding was the referee? Remember how Belding wore Ox's wrestling singlet while officiating, even though Ox's singlet was way too small for Belding's morbidly obese body? Remember how the singlet rode up Belding's ass crack, much like a g-string?

Remember when you and Nerdstrom were both naked and Belding opened up the Bayside yearbook to a picture of Zack Morris? Remember when Belding said, "Let the game begin - start jerking!" Remember how you fantasized that you were making out with Zack and Kevin the Robot while you were tossing off? Remember when you quickly came and shot a tiny load of cum up into the air and then caught it on the tip of your tongue? Remember when you yelled out, "Zoinks! That's two points! I win!" Remember when Belding blew a whistle right in your ear and said, "Foul! You goaltended, Diamond!" Remember when Belding said that your punishment for goaltending was to suck his cock? Remember when you tore a hole in Belding's wrestling singlet and started sucking his cock? Remember when Slater appeared out of nowhere and started ass-raping you? Remember when Zack started stomping on your back while wearing soccer shoes? Remember how you broke several ribs during this attacks and caught several dangerous STDs?

Diamond, you sure were a dipshit in that episode! Come on, there were no rules to that masturbation game, so why was Belding even officiating it in the first place? You totally deserved everything that happened to you in that episode and learned many valuable lessons!

"Diamond Visits a Job Fair" episode recap
Posted: Apr 3 2009, 12:35 AM

Diamond, do you remember that time when you went to a tech company job fair and ran into Rod Belding? Remember when Rod said that he had a "RIM job for you"? Remember how you assumed that he was a recruiter and had a job opening at Research In Motion ("RIM"), the company that sells Blackberrys? Remember how happy that made you feel because you were finally going to hold a real job and no longer had to work for minimum wage as Principal Belding's assistant? Remember when Rod walked you to a janitor's closet for your "job interview"? Remember when Rod told you that the job fair at overbooked and that was the reason why his office was in the janitor's closet? Remember when Rod slugged you in the gut and then threw you face-first against the wall in the janitor's closet? Remember when Rod dropped his pants and farted right in your face? Remember when he shit onto your chin and said you'd better lick his asshole clean? remember when Rod said this was the "RIM job" he had told you about and that you'd better do a good job if you ever wanted to get a referral? Remember when Rod started masturbating while you tossed his salad? Remember how bad his asshole smelled? Remember when Rod blew his HIV+ load and it landed in your jew-fro? Remember when Rod said "well Diamond, I already gave the job to your mom, but thanks for interviewing. We'll be in touch!" Remember how your breath smelled like Rod' ass for the rest of the day and you never did get any job interviews out of the job fair? You sure were a loser that time!

"Diamond Learns About cancer" recap
Posted: Mar 23 2009, 08:04 AM

Diamond, remember how self-conscious you used to feel while showering with the other kids at Bayside after swimming class because they all had giant cocks which were much bigger than your baby dick? Remember how Coach Sonski was the swimming class instructor and used to measure everyone's cock in the showers? Remember how Coach Sonski measured Maxwell Nerdstrom's cock and made fun of him for having such a small penis, because it was "only" 10 inches long? Remember when he measured yours and said he was going to take a picture and submit it to the Guiness Book of World Records because you only measured in at 0.75 inches?

Remember how you went to Belding's office and cried because your cock and balls were so small? Remember when Belding said he could help you get bigger balls? Remember how happy that made you? Remember when Belding told you to meet him at the nuclear power plant that evening for a "therapy" session that was guaranteed to help you out? Remember when you showed up that evening and Belding made you suck him off and let him fart into your mouth several times before starting the therapy session? Remember when Belding told you to walk into a special chamber room and that he would follow you in later? Remember how you waited in the chamber for several minutes and then Belding walked in wearing a radiation suit while holding something that was neon green and glowing? Remember when you asked Belding why he was wearing a radiation suit and he replied that he didn't want a bigger cock or balls because he was already hung like a horse? Remember when Belding asked you to pull down your Spider-man Underoos and then rubbed the glowing neon stick over your balls for several minutes? Remember when Belding said, "that's it Diamond, your session is over. Let me hose you down outside?" Remember when Belding walked you outside the chamber and then pissed all over you and told you that you'd have bigger balls in a couple months?

Remember when your balls did start growing within a couple months? Remember when you noticed that your balls were as hard as rocks, but that your cock didn't seem to be growing? Remember when you told Belding about this and he said it was a normal response? Remember when your balls kept growing bigger and bigger and you started experiencing back pain and fatigue? Remember when Belding against said that this was perfectly normal? Remember when you started pissing blood a few days later and your mom took you to the emergency room? Remember when the doctor examined you and said that you had testicular cancer? Remember when you had a full body CAT-scan x-ray and the doctor said that the x-ray showed that the cancer had spread to your chest and brain and that you would need to get your balls cut off and would have to undergo chemotherapy? Remember how mad the doctor was at you for taking so long to go to the hospital? Remember when the doctor said he needed to operate right away, but that your mom on the show, Mrs. Powers, had failed to keep her medical insurance current, so you were not eligible for the best treatment? Remember when the doctor said that your health insurance didn't cover anesthesia? Remember when the doctor pulled out an axe and chopped off your balls and then started juggling them? Remember how blood was spurting everywhere and so the doctor cauterized the wound with a blowtorch?

Remember how your cock no longer works and you now have to take testosterone treatments for the rest of your life? Remember when you were undergoing a chemo session and Belding and AC Slater came over and viciously attacked you while you were in an especially weakened state? Remember how the chemo made your hair fall out and Belding took a dump on your head and wrote his initials in it? Belding sure got you good that time!

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