"Diamond is Attacked After Swimming" ep recap
Posted: Mar 11 2009, 09:05 AM
Diamond, remember that episode where you showered after taking a swimming gym class? Remember how you were naked and everyone grabbed towels and started snapping them at you? Remember when Coach Sonski snapped a wet towel right on your boney ass? Remember how much that hurt? Remember when Ox snapped a towel right in your crotch and Slater snapped a towel on the tip of your hooked nose? Remember when your nose started dripping blood? Remember when Mr. Belding yelled out, "Hey, hey, hey, what is going on here?!!" Remember how mad Belding was when he saw you dripping blood on the shower floor? Remember when Belding picked up a large bar of Dial soap and nailed you right in the face with it? Remember when Zack's dad appeared out of nowhere and rolled the big plastic towel cart toward you, slamming you into the wall? Remember how he pinned you against the wall while everyone fired bars of soap at you?
Remember when Zack's dad let you go and then Mr. Dewey started sodomizing you with a bottle of Suave brand shampoo? Remember when Dewey lodged an entire bottle of shampoo up your now-torn rectum? Remember when Mr. Hooper, the child molesting bicycle repair shop man from the Diff'rent Strokes episode, showed up and rode over you with a tandem bike that he rode with your mom on the show, Mrs. Powers? Remember how you were crying uncontrollably at this time? Remember how much that turned on Mrs. Powers? Remember when Mrs. Powers removed her skirt and started fingering herself while she sucked on Zack's cock? Remember when Slater started doing Zack's dad in the ass? Remember when Slater gave Zack's dad a reach-around and Zack's dad blew a huge load into your face? Remember how several students started stomping on your face and threw locks and other random gym locker room equipment at you while they tried to kill you? Remember when Slater finally yelled out that you'd had enough and then picked you up and carried you into the bathroom? remember when Slater launched you face-first into a toilet bowl that Mr. Tuttle had clogged up earlier in the day with a huge dump? You sure got screwed over that time!
"Diamond Goes on a Field Trip" recap
Posted: Mar 9 2009, 08:55 AM
Diamond, do you remember that episode where your class took a field trip to the La Brea Tar Pits? Remember when you went into the bathroom and stared at Belding and Slater while they were taking a piss? Remember when they saw you leering at them and called you a "Jew Faggot" and then peed on you and threw you into a big tar pit? Remember how you almost died and were only saved when Belding dropped his pants and then waded into the tar pit and farted? Remember how powerful Belding's fart was? Remember how the force of Belding's fart ejected you from the tar pit and launched you up into a nearby tree? Remember how the tree had sharp branches? Remember when one of the branches pierced the cornea of your right eyeball, permanently blindind you in that eye? Remember how you started crying and told Belding you couldn't see? Remember when Belding started laughing and said, "Then I guess you won't see this cumming, BITCH!" and then jerked off into your damaged eye? Remember how Belding's diseased seed caused a bad infection, causing your right eyeball to fall out? Remember when Slater kicked your eyeball into the sewer as everyone on the field trip clapped and laughed? Remember how your mom, Mrs. Powers, was a chaperone on the field trip? Remember how she was leading the clapping and then lifted her skirt and started fingering herself while you cried? Remember when Slater walked over to Mrs. Powers and started doing her in the ass? Remember how this was the worst day in your life and to this day you wear a glass eye and aren't allowed to drive an automobile because you have no depth perception? The Bayside gang really got you good that time!
"Anthrax Scare" episode recap
Posted: Mar 4 2009, 09:56 PM
Diamond, remember that day back in 2002 when Belding ran through the halls of Bayside and yelled that there was an anthrax attack? Remember how Belding threw a piece of cloth to you and instructed you to place it over your mouth? Remember when you did place the cloth over your mouth and discovered that it was coated in some kind of gooey liquid? Remember when Belding started laughing and then you pulled the cloth away from your face and discovered that you were holding AC Slater's ten-year-old jock strap over your mouth? Remember when Belding told you that he had stolen Slater's jock strap back in 1992 after wrestling practice and had jerked off into it thousands of times over the years? Remember when Belding told you that Tuttle and Mylo the janitor had also jerked off into the jock strap earlier that day? Remember how Belding took a photograph of you holding Slater's jock strap with cum dripping off your chin? Remember when Belding made an enlarged poster from the photo and prominently displayed it at the Class of 1993's Ten Year Reunion held the next year, in 2003? Remember when Slater and Ox viciously ass-raped you at the reunion for messing with wrestling jock straps? You sure got screwed over that time!
"Kevin and the Exxon Valdez" episode recap
Posted: Feb 26 2009, 10:38 PM
Diamond, do you remember that episode where Kevin wore a life preserver and pretended to be the drunken Captain Joseph Hazelwood of the Exxon Valdez, the massive oil tanker which ran around in Alaska in 1989? Remember when Kevin started pounding your ass and then said that he was going to crash into some rocks and breach the ship's hull? Remember when Kevin then shot a massive load of oil into your brownpipe which then squirted out of your ass and all over the place? Remember when Kevin's oil coated Hound Dog's fur and Hound Dog started suffocating? Remember when the Greenpeace activist Jessie Spano saw the oil spilled on the floor and started protesting outside your house and threw rocks through your windows? Remember Mylo the janitor walked into your bedroom smoking a crack pipe? Remember when he dropped his hot crack pipe and it landed in a puddle of oil and ignited in fire? Remember when your house burned down killing Hound Dog, and you were charged with arson? Remember when you spent 5 years in prison? Remember how your cellmate, Tyrone Washington, had rough sex with your every night, completely against your will while the other inmates listened and jerked off? You sure learned about the hazards of oil spills that time!
"Diamond watches the State of the Union Speech"
Posted: Feb 25 2009, 04:32 AM
Diamond, remember that special "live" Saved By The Bell episode that aired tonight during Obama's State of the Union speech? Remember how you and the rest of the Saved By The Bell gang was over at Belding's house watching the speech? Remember how the speech was supposed to begin at 8:00 PM, but Obama took 15 minutes to walk to the podium, stopping along the way to shake hands with everyone? Remember how annoyed that made you? Remember when you yelled out, "What's the deal with Obama? Why does he keep shucking and jiving? Is he on 'nigger time'? Zoinks!!!" Remember when Mylo yelled out, "Shut the fuck up, you hook-nosed honkey!! Mylo's gone git his, muthafucka!!!" Remember when Mylo cracked you over the head with his mop, which he apparently brought with him to Belding's house? Remember when the black nerd on the show, Ollie Creekly, jumped up and tore off his trousers? Remember when Mylo inserted his diseased cock up your ass while Ollie stuck his in your mouth? Remember when Mr. Dewey was cracking you in the back with Mylo's mop?
Remember when Slater started kicking you in the ribs with his football cleats? Remember when Maxwell Nerdstrom started sucking Zack's dad's cock and Kevin the Robot started doing your mom on the show, Mrs. Powers, right in the ass with his metal cock? Remember when Zack, Coach Rizzo, and Ox started jerking off while watching you being viciously attacked? Remember when your large screen CRT television started wobbling and you looked over and saw the TV tipped over, the glass tube shattered, and Mr. Tuttle rolled out? Remember how you realized that Tuttle had apparently been hiding in the TV box while masturbating vigorously? Remember how Tuttle had multiple lacerations from where the broken shards of glass from the glass tube cut his morbidly obese body? Remember when Tuttle blew a load, staining Belding's carpet with cum in the process, and then died? Remember when Belding blamed you for all of the blood and cum stains on his carpet and suspended you without pay from your job as his assistant at Bayside? Obama's State of the Union speech really screwed you over that time!
"Diamond Takes the SAT" recap
Posted: Feb 19 2009, 06:53 AM
Diamond, do you remember that episode where Belding was proctoring the SATs? Remember how he was the timekeeper while everyone at Bayside was taking the test? Remember when you coughed and Belding got really mad and started screaming at you for ruining the test? Remember how you were subjected to violent teabagging, anal rapes, Cleveland Steamers, Angry Pirates, and Baby Birds, among other gay sex moves for the next two hours? Remember how Belding even called Zack's dad to come over and enjoy the festivities? Remember how Zack still managed to score a 1502 on his SATs despite masturbating for 10 minutes during the math section? Standardized tests really screwed you over that time!
"Diamond Meets the 'Bash Brothers'" recap
Posted: Feb 18 2009, 10:24 AM
Diamond, remember how you were a huge fan of the Oakland A's baseball team in the late 1980s? Remember how you followed Mark McGwire's monster rookie season in 1987 and Jose Canseco's awesome 40-40 season in 1988? Remember when Canseco and McGwire visited Bayside after winning the 1988 World Series? Remember how had just graduated from John F. Kennedy Junior High in Indianapolis, IN in spring 1988 and were now attending Bayside High School in Southern California in fall 1988? Remember when Canseco and McGwire spoke in the Bayside auditorium? Remember how Canseco and McGwire had just injected each other in the butt with steroids 15 minutes prior to speaking to the school? Remember how roided-out Canseco and McGwire were at this time? Remember how the steroids affected their vision and made them horny? Remember when Jose Canseco saw your Jew-fro and thought it was a hairy pussy? Remember when Mark McGwire saw your Zubaz and assumed that you had a tight virgin male butthole? Remember when Canseco showed his cock into your mouth and McGwire ripped off your Zubaz and lodged his dick up your asshole? Remember when you attempted to yell out, "Zoinks!," but couldn't because your mouth was full of Canseco's hispanic cock? Remember how Canseco and McGwire spit-roasted you for the next 15 minutes while giving each other their famous "forearm bash" moves? Remember when Canseco and McGwire both dumped several loads of hot cum in you? Your child memories sure were ruined that time!
"Diamond Gets a Flu Shot" recap
Posted: Feb 9 2009, 09:25 PM
Diamond, do you remember that time when you went into the nurse's office at Bayside to get your annual flu shot? Remember how you walked into the office and saw that AC Slater was your nurse? Remember how Slater said that he was just helping out the regular nurse? Remember when Slater injected you with a shot of anti-freeze, instead of the advertised flu vaccine? Remember how you quickly collapsed and suffered from blood poisoning? Remember when you begged Slater to call an ambulance? Remember when Slater said he would, after he "got his"? Remember when Slater farted all over you and had unprotected sex with your butthole? Remember when you suffered kidney failure and spend the next 6 months in the hospital hooked up to a dialysis machine? Remember how you reeked of the smell of baked tortillas as a result of Slater's potent farts? The Bayside gang really got you good that time!
"Belding, the 'Incredible Hulk'" episode recap
Posted: Feb 9 2009, 04:48 PM
Diamond, do you remember how "The Incredible Hulk" was your favorite TV show? Remember how you used to jerk off while looking at Lou Ferrigno dressed up in the Hulk costume? Remember how you liked it when Bruce Banner on that show would say, "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry?" and then he would turn green and enlarge and become the Incredible Hulk?
Remember when you were in Belding's office after school at Bayside one day and asked Belding for some career advice? Remember when you told Belding you wanted to go get a college degree and become a medical doctor? Remember when Belding suggested that a better career move would be for you to pay $15k tuition to attend college for one year and then drop out and become his assistant for a salary of $7/hour? Remember when you thanked Belding and then said, "Zoinks!!" several times? Remember how annoying you were being? Remember when Belding said, "Diamond, don't make me angry! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry?" Remember how you assumed that Belding said that because he knew that The Incredible Hulk was your favorite TV show? Remember when you started touching various items on Belding's desk and accidentally knocked a pen onto the ground? Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when Belding pulled off his clothes and said, "You did it Diamond, now I am so angry you hook-nosed rim goblin!" Remember how Belding's cock was green from all of the STDs and cancer he had contracted? Remember when Belding's cock started to get bigger, just like the Incredible Hulk's body on the TV show? Remember when Belding stuck his cock up your ass and raped you, paining tearing apart your rectum? Remember when Belding pumped your torn ass full of his diseased seed? You sure learned the consequences of being annoying that time!
"Diamond's Band" recap
Posted: Feb 5 2009, 08:00 AM
Diamond, do you remember that episode where you had your ten-year Bayside high school reunion? Remember how Lisa Turtle sent out a questionnaire asking what everyone had done in the previous ten years? Remember how anxious that made you feel, because you were a college dropout and had been Belding's assistant for your first seven years after graduating? Remember how you knew that Zack was a surgeon, Maxwell Nerdstrom had made millions in Silicon Valley, Kelly was a TV weather girl, Jessie was a porn star, and AC Slater had been deported to Mexico? Remember how you filled out your questionnaire and wrote that you were a musician and had been in the music industry since you were a child? Remember how you wrote that it was your lifelong goal and that you were in a band called "Salty the Pocketknife" with a bald little ugly dude named Evan Stone? Remember when Lisa contacted you and asked you to perform with your band at the reunion? Remember when you agreed to do so?
Remember when the reunion was held at Universal Studios in Los Angeles? Remember how band equipment was set up? Remember when you showed up at the reunion wearing your favorite yellow Zubaz suit? Remember when Lisa introduce you and you walked out on the stage by yourself, as the rest of your band hadn't showed up? Remember when Lisa asked about your band and you replied nonchalantly, "Oh, I made it up. Zoinks! I was never in a band." Remember how mad that made everyone? Remember when everyone started throwing beer bottles at you? Remember when Belding fired a glass vodka bottle at your head from a mere 10 feet away? Remember when Belding threw you off the stage and then Lisa started stomping on your in her high heel dress shoes? Remember when Mr. Dewey and Rod Belding started spit-roasting you while everyone else at the reunion was masturbating vigorously? Remember how everyone blew their loads on you and then Ox picked you up and dumped your lifeless body into the sewer with the other excrement?
You sure learned to tell the truth in that episode!
Thursday, July 02, 2009
My "Remember When..." Queer Fantasies - Part V
Here are some of my "Remember When..." queer fantasies involving Diamond and the rest of the Saved By The Bell gang: