I want to give Diamond an "Angry Pirate"

I really want to hook up with Diamond for queer sex!!! I recently learned a new gay sex move while I was at a rest stop bathroom looking for some hot man-on-man action. It's called the "Angry Pirate"!!!! I need Diamond to get on his knees and suck me off. When I'm about to blow my load, I'll pull out and squirt my load in one of Diamond's eyes and then I'll kick him in the shin!!! He'll probably then chase after me, limping around seeing out of only one eye, just like a pirate!!!! Does anyone think I can convince Diamond to let me bestow such a gift on him?