"Screech's workout"
Hey Scrotum, remember that episode that started with Slater throwing you into the stagnant, shit-filled duckpond for the umpteenth time because he hated your face? Remember how all your peers laughed at you as crawled out of the muck? Remember how that black nerd threw a rock at your chin and snorted with laughter til his nose started running and his glasses fell off? Remember how you decided you would learn how to stand up for yourself? Remember how you went to Coach Sonski and asked if he would train you up? Remember when he said "No problem, Samual, I'll make a real man of you, just be back here tomorrow, but be ready for some serious blood, sweat and tears"
Remember how you showed up bright and enthusiastic to the gym the next day, fitted it in your finest zubaz and feeling that your life was finally taking a turn for the better? Remember how Coach Sonski swaggered into the gym from the changing room, wearing only a filthy bathmat for a loincloth, absolutely dripping with sweat? Remember how he explained he'd just sat in the changing room, surrounded by used jockstraps, with the radiators turned up full, for three hours in advance of your appointment? Remember how you screwed up your face in that stupid, confused way that was supposed to be funny? Remember how you said "I'm sorry, Coach Sonski, I don't understand?" Remember how he said "Does this make sense, FAGNUTS?" and bodyslammed you into a box of shotputts? Remember how he wrenched you up by your jewfro and started wiping down his sweaty taint, ass, inner-thighs and bald head with your pursed lips, taking extra care to make sure that your Gonzo nose sampled the aromatic delights of his pungent essence? Remember how he said "Well, that's the sweat and tears dealt with, now for the blood,"? Remember how he sat on your chest and aimed his stump of an erection at your face? Remember how he rampantly pounded his parson until he shot some well-matured daddy batter all over your face? Remember how the seed was laced with blood because Sonski had had untreated testicular cancer for months? Remember how Sonski picked you up and rammed you into the basketball hoop so that you dangled from your shoulders? Remember how he left the gym and you thought it was all finally over? Remember how he returned a few minutes later with a stepladder, accompanied by Tuttle and Belding, who were grinning like a pair of demented goons? Remember how they each took it turn to climb the stepladder and 'slam dunk' their nuts into your gasping mouth? Remember how Sonski got overexcited and jumped into the air, landing ass-first on your head and sending you crashing to the floor? Remember how you suffered multiple fractures and damn near broke your neck? Remember how Belding wrote a letter to your mother, telling her you'd broken into the gym after school hours and taken it upon youself to start horsing around with the equipment? Remember how he explained that you'd injured yourself in the process, on account of being an incompetant dumbass? Remember how she naturally believed him and confiscated your computer, keyboard and the few remaining things that afforded you some happiness in life as a punishment? You sure learned the true value of sportsmanship that day!
"Malibu Sands"
Screech,
Remember when you and the gang spent the summer at the Malibu Sands beach club? Remember how you were constantly trying to sneak away from your job as a waiter so you could check out Slater in his lifeguard outfit? Remember how mean your new boss Mr. Corosi was to you? Remeber how mad he got when he caught you spying on Slater while rubbing your crotch? Remember how he punched you in the back of your jew fro and began grinding his obese body against you. Remember how his breath smelled of hot dogs and onions as he yelled "Powers!!! Get your fucking scrawny ass back to work!!! I'm not paying you to check out Slaters muscles you fucking faggot!" Remember how Slater heard this and looked back while giving Mr. Corosi a thumbs up sign? Remember how you urinated in your pants and ran back into the clubhouse and into the locker room?
Remember how once in the locker room you ran into Zack? Remember how Zack was scheming to get Mr. Corosi to sell him his Mustang convertible on the cheap? Remember when Zack saw you crying you became even more upset that he didn't ask you what was wrong? Instead Zack kept talking about his plan to get the Mustang and when you sat down next to him he farted on you? Remember how you smelled Zack's fart and instantly forget about how Mr. Corosi had treated you? Remember how aroused you became as the meaty fart smell wafted into the nostrils of your gonzo nose? Remember how Zack told you his master plan was to play volleyball against a rival club, while making a large wager that you would win? Remember how he wanted all of the gang to play, even you! Remember how strange you found it that the club seemed to have competitions that always seemed to have predominentely staff involved in them, unlike any other country club in the world? Remember how at first you wanted to beg off playing volleyball but instead began to picture Slater playing, his muscles flexing while he jumped in the air to hit the ball? Remember how you pictured yourself finally having an all access pass to stand behind Slater and stare at his ass without anyone like Mr. Corosi to yell at you! Remember how excited you got and you told Zack you would do it? Remember how Zack farted on you again and said, "Great Screech, I've gotta get the rest of the team together you piece of shit!" Remember how for some reasons that comment didn't even bother you?
Remember later that day while hanging out in the employee lounge Zack came in with some gangly looking cocksucker? Remember how excited you got when you saw the 6 ft 7 giant? Remember how he was sitting right next to you as Zack explained that he was going to be your teams ringer? Remember how all you could focus on was the new guys enormous feet and how close they were to your ass? Remember how you tried to move your ass over slowly so that your ass would rub up against his foot? Remember how excited you got thinking that maybe one of his big toes would penetrated your ass and give you extereme pleasure? Remember when your plan as always went awry and you rolled onto the new guys foot? Remember how he yelped in pain and you yelled "Zoinks!" as the gang rushed to the new guys aid? Remember how you said "Oopsie, my mistake" in that cutesy voice you used to try to sound like a retarded child? Remember how it didn't work and you quickly found Zack and Slater standing over you with anger in their eyes. Remember how the girls hovered over you as well? Remember when you thought you were in for a pummeling but instead Zack stepped in and said it was just a mistake and that everyone forgave you? Remember how happy you were to have such great friends?
Remember as you went to leave with a smile on your face Zack even opened and held the door for you? Remember how that smile quickly faded when you got into the doorway and Zack slamed the door on you, crushing your body in the doorway? Remeber how Zack repeatedly tried to close the door as you screamed in pain? Remember how Slater came over and ripped off your employee uniform pants exposing your ass and miniscule penis? Remember how Jessie rushed over and you thought for sure she would help you as you dangled in the doorway, with your face on one side and your ass and legs still in the employee lounge? Remember when to your horror Jessie started helping Zack crush you in the doorway? Remember how you screamed even louder as you heard a rib or two crack? Remember when you felt intense pain coming from your ass and realized that Slater was fucking you unmercifully? Remember how your screams brought an angry Mr. Corosi down the hall to see what all the noise was about? Remember when he saw you sticking out of the doorway and he became aroused? Remember when you noticed that walking behind him was his good friend Mr. Belding. Remember when Mr. B said "hey hey hey what is going on here?" And you believed that he would save you? Remember when he said to Mr. Corosi, "I deal with this all the time at Bayside, let me take care of this." Remember how greatfull you were to hear this because Lisa and Kelly had joined Zack and Jessie in forcing their weight on the door in an attempt to crush you? Remember how Mr. B stepped up to your face which was at the same height as his crotch? Remember how he said he was going to pull you through the doorway, but you became concerned when he dropped his pants? Remember when your experience got much worse when the obese Mr. Corosi also dropped his pants and Mr. B and he began shoving their cocks into your mouth while yanking the shit out of your jewfro? Remember how they laughed while yelling "Pull, Pull, Pull" while ripping the hair out of your head? Remember the laughter you heard from everyone while your entire body felt as though it was being hit with a flamethrower? Remember how the tall guy hobbled over and somehow began having a swordfight with Slater in your ass? Remember how you thought how horrible this all was, two men were tearing up your ass, two men were fucking your mouth and ripping out your hair, and four people were still crushing you with a door? Remember when you noticed a plant moving and realized that behind it Mr. Tuttle was vigoriously jacking off? Remember how he popped out from behind the plant and rushed over in time for Mr. Belding, Corosi, and Tuttle to all jizz all over your damaged jew fro and face? Remember how at the same time Slater and tall guy came in your ass? Remember how the girls and Zack kept slamming the door on you? Remember how you figured it was all over, but Mr. Tuttle bent over and coated you in a mucus filled diareahh spray? Remember how you felt the most intense pain coming from your ass and realized that Slater had stuck a volleyball in your ass? Remember how everyone started to laugh and high five each other and the door slamming finally stopped and you collapsed to the floor?
Remember when the next thing you remembered you were waking up in the hospital after having the volleyball surgically removed from your ass? Remember how the gang and the doctors were all there smiling at you as you woke up and how they pointed at you and called you a faggot over and over again? Remember how you realized how Belding had told the hospital that you were a complete faggot and had stuck the ball up your ass yourself? Remember how you begain to cry as the gang walked out of your hospital room? Remember how Zack peeled off from the gang and walked over to you? Remember how you thought for sure he was going to apologize? Remember how wrong you were when instead he aimed his ass at your face and farted? Remember him saying,"That will teach you to fuck up my car deal your gonzo nozed faggot!" Remember his walking out the door laughing while you tried to tried to smell the fart? Remember how you began to cry even harder when you realized that Belding and Corosi had broken your nose and you couldn't smell? You sure learned not to mess with a guys car deal that day!
Kurt Steinberg 
Rocco 
