Queer Posts From the How to be Punk Forum - Part 3

I found even more spank-tastic posts in the How to be Punk forum:

Bobby said May 25, 2020 @ 10:00 pm
I feel bad for you TJ Maxx manager. The last thing you need is to have your store over run with gangs of insane rump rangers. I was out today for a nice bike ride and everywhere I went there were dozens of demented queers farting on each other, having gay sex, eating dong shaped foods, tounging each others anus’s, belching into each others assholes, nude leapfrog, and many other ridiculous homosexual behaviors. The common denominator was the vast majority of them were wearing pee stained jock straps on their faces! It’s an abomination.

Jay said May 25, 2020 @ 5:08 am
I am a store manager at TJ Maxx. My store recently reopened after being shut for two months as a result of the Coronavirus lockdowns. Prior to the lockdowns, we would sell approximately 25 packages of Calvin Klein jockstraps per week. However, we sold more than 200 packages of jockstraps during our first week after reopening! And the clientele has been overwhelming gay, most of whom are effeminate raging homosexuals! The strange thing is that most of these demented queers are already wearing pee-stained jockstraps on their faces when they walk in the store. But they buy every package of jockstraps that they see and they play grab-ass with each other while shopping in my store. I must warn you not to use the men’s room at my store as for the past week as these faggots have been loitering in there while ripping ass on each other and tongue-in-cheek each other’s anuses.

Anonymous said May 24, 2020 @ 2:28 pm
WTFF ib up with this stupidd gay shit stip it you retartded faggots straights ruke rule

Help said May 24, 2020 @ 2:27 pm
Okay, thanks David. I just had some fun with them this morning! Check out our website: TheresALEGOInMyPants.com

CoronaFARTz said May 24, 2020 @ 11:51 am
I just saw something really amazing happening in town today. There were two guys, wearing jockstraps on their faces, doing coronafart leapfrog WHILE STAYING 6 FEET APART!!!!

Toxic Tom said May 24, 2020 @ 7:05 am
Dudes!! Coronatime baby! This is the time for us to take action to turn the tables and push straight people into the closet, and make queer love the norm! The jockstrap face mask is a symbol of those warriors who have joined this cause! I myself wear a skidmarked jock stop while I frolick nude in parks, store, and alleyways with my band of queer brothers. Today my friends and I were playing nude leapfrog in a park and some homophobes yelled at us! Months ago we may have backed down, but today we stood our ground. To refute their words of hatred I leapfrogged my friend and let loose a massive fart in his face. But then I took it further. I leapfrogged the next friend in line and when my ass was mere inches from my face I let loose a torrent of diarrhea. This caused the homophobes to flee the park, giving myself and our cause a new victory!

David Dookie said May 24, 2020 @ 1:48 am
Bud you should feel lucky you have a LEGO store where hot gay men stick the toys down their pants. That is highly erotic. If for one am thrilled with the forward momentum the gay movement has taken during this pandemic. The gay community has seized the day I order to normalize lovely things like huffing farts, hot man action in parks, and sticking toys down their pants. Those legos will likely be flavored with ball and ass juice. Just the thought of which has me sporting wood. Pizza guy you should be thankful the gay community is patronizing your business and not worry about their private activities, even if they take place out in the open, 6 feet from your front door. I highly doubt you will lose business and in fact when word gets around that your pepperoni pizza makes magnificent corona fueled farts you will likely have a line out the door. Let’s all get along everyone.

Help said May 23, 2020 @ 9:38 pm
Hi! I was at my local LEGO store and saw something weird going on. There were two guys outside shoving LEGO minifigures down their pants. When I asked what they were doing, they told me they were “LEGO store employees, cleaning up the Legos.” I was appalled and quickly left the store, but not before I saw them rubbing dirty jock straps in their faces. What should I do?

Carbon Fiber said May 23, 2020 @ 10:04 am
Today I went to the supermarket and had an insane experience. Outside the supermarket, before I could enter, was a group of guys wearing pink mesh tank tops, Zubaz pants, and name tags from the store. They told me before I entered I had to be “tested” for the coronavirus. I had never heard of this and asked if they were going to do a nasal swab. I was told no, that I would need a produce a fart and one of them would then smell it and determine if I had the virus. I felt this was ridiculous but really needed to get some supplies. One of the guys got on his hands and knees and got behind me with his face right at my ass. I ripped a pretty pathetic fart, but it still caused this weirdo to moan and fall to the ground before jizzing his pants. The other guys then let me enter the store telling me that was the sign I was “negative”. I went into the store and did my shopping. On my way out I mentioned this to a manager and asked why he had guys sniffing farts outside. He said they had no such thing, and that deranged queers kept showing up and setting up these “checkpoints”. When I went back out I had to leave from the other entrance but I looked across to the entrance had come in at and could see those weirdos were still at it, and two of them were now engaged in hard core man action. I was disgusted at how queer men are using this pandemic to trick straight men into participating in their sexual deviancy!

Donald said May 22, 2020 @ 4:52 pm
I saw an advertisement for Jockey's ice cream shop in the newspaper today. They advertise that they are now using an ice cream scoop made from an athletic supporter which Ben Roethlisberger has worn and which has been soaked with Big Ben's ball sweat and has apparently never been washed. The advertisement also states that any patrons who come in wearing a pee stained jock strap on their face will receive a 10% discount! They was also a mention of a new ice cream flavor - "Coronafart Mint Chocolate Chip"! I don't know why these demented weirdos aren't taking the lockdowns more seriously!

Luigi said May 22, 2020 @ 12:10 am
Today was the last straw. Those idiot gay men were of course here again for their daily large pepperoni pizza. The one they take right out front to eat, then rip farts on each other. They come in wearing stained jockstraps as the mandatory face coverings. Today when they placed their order one of them asked if I could add some “pooperoni” to their pie. I told him I already had the pepperoni part. He said no “pooperoni” and when I asked what the hell that was he explained he wanted me to take a dump, then slice it into slices, put it on their pizza, and cook it. When I told him I would not do such a disgusting thing he shrugged and played grab ass with his buddy. Once I gave them their large pepperoni pizza they went out side and did their normal antics. Ridiculously loud farts followed by yells of “suck down that coronafart faggot!” This normally is followed by the one who was farted on moaning and groaning and flopping around on the ground like a fish out of water. It’s ridiculous. They have been doing this for two weeks now and the police tell me they can do nothing as they wear some kind of face covering and aren’t doing anything illegal. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these degenerates?

Donald said May 21, 2020 @ 3:30 am
It was around 80 degrees where I live last weekend and although most restaurants are closed, I did find an ice cream shop. I had to travel to a gay area of my city as that was the only ice cream place open. The name of the ice cream shop was “Jockey’s.” When I walked in to Jockey’s, I was greeted by several employees wear wearing sweaty jock straps on their faces. I asked an employee if he was wearing a jock strap on his face as a mask to protect himself from the Coronavirus, but he said “nope.” Although I thought it was odd, I really wanted some ice cream, so I walked to the counter and ordered a scoop of chocolate chocolate chip ice cream. The employee then pulled out an unusual scoop - it was an athletic cup as the scoop end attached to a handle! The employee also claimed that Mark McGwire had worn the jock strap and that it had never been washed! Although I was disgusted, I still wanted ice cream so I paid and then left with a big scoop of it. It was a very strange experience!!

CoronaFARTs said May 20, 2020 @ 3:13 pm
I was walking around my town square and saw something happening in the fountain. On further inspection, I realized that it was a group of four guys, all naked and chewing on dirty jockstraps. should I alert the police?

Pepperoni Tony said May 20, 2020 @ 9:09 am
I walked past a temporarily closed dive bar where punk cover bands often play. As I walked past I heard a commotion in an alley off to the side. I looked over and saw a group of four guys, two of whom were wearing jock straps over their mouths, each of which has bright yellow pee stains. Another dude was wearing a pair of tighty-whiteys around his face, although those tighty whiteys clearly had dark dookie stains on them. The remaining guy wasn't wearing anything on his face. The three who were wearing makeshift masks were teaming up on the other guy in some type of demented homosexual orgy. The three guys had their pants pulled down around their ankles and had their bare asses pressed up against the other guy's face! I heard several loud farts accompanied by dirty talk, such as "Yeah, take that Corona fart!" and "Inhale my Corona juice, you rim goblin!" The guy who was on the receiving end of the farts then fell over into a puddle of urine which had been left by a homeless man and then started convulsing while jizzing his pants as he was apparently experiencing extreme pleasure. I quickly walked away to get away from those mentally deranged weirdos as they were knowing spreading the Coronavirus!!!

Toxic Tony said May 20, 2020 @ 2:50 am
Luigi, can you please provide the location of your pizza parlor? I’d like to come by and do some research. Ugggggghhhh, I just lost a load thinking about those noxious pepperoni flavored corona farts!

Luigi said May 19, 2020 @ 3:26 pm
I own a pizza parlor and have only been open for takeout. I’ve noticed a new clientele lately. These fruity weirdos come in to pick up large pepperoni pizzas. They tend to be dressed in spandex, and mesh tank tops. They take their pizza outside and then gobble it up. Then they wait. Once some farts have brewed they stand there ripping ass in each other’s faces. I’m sure this is spreading the Coronavirus as I hear them say “eat that coronafart” or “smell that pepperoni corona baby”. Many times the guy getting farted in falls over in some kind orgasmic seizure. This repulsive behavior has chased away many of my regular customers! I’m hoping the punks in here can help me!

uhh said May 19, 2020 @ 1:28 am
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ummmmmm uhh hmmmmmm

Pee Stain said May 18, 2020 @ 9:01 am
My lover and I enjoy listening to records of The Ramones and other punk bands while sitting around just in our jock straps. The other day it was in the mid-80s and we didn't have air conditioning turned on. We were each sweaty profusely while making out - I could feel sweat dripping out of the crack of my ass onto the couch and my cotton jock strap quickly got soaked. After getting it on, we each wore each other's sweaty jock strap on our faces and went shopping at Dollar General. Customers stared at us as though we were perverts - it was so hot!!!!!

Screech Lover said May 18, 2020 @ 1:02 am
I just busted a nut watching the old episode of Saved by the Bell the New Class where Mr. Belding rode a Harley and dressed as a biker. It was so hot when Screech angered Mr. B by repeatedly yelling “Zoinks” while Mr. B was trying to rev his new motorcycle. (Why Mr. B had his new bike in The Max was never explained). After yelling “Zoinks” for the hundredth time Mr. B punched Screech in his giant hook nose, knocking him over. Then Mr. B fired up the Harley and did a massive burnout on Screech, shredding his Zubaz pants, and ridiculous shirt. As Screech screamed in pain Mr. B got off the bike and began ass raping Screech while the entire crowd at The Max cheered with many of the male occupants jerking off! It was so hot! At the end Mr. B got back on his bike, and positioned it so the tailpipe was in Screech’s face. He then revved it until it backfire in Screech’s face leaving a giant black soot impression. He then gunned it out of there. Mr. Belding was one cool cat back then.

Johnny Rotten said May 17, 2020 @ 7:51 am
Hey there, guv'nor! This is Johnny Rotten from the Sex Pistols, the famous punk band. I hate spammers and will fire my seed down the spammer's throat. I will also fart in his face for training purposes.

Brutus said May 17, 2020 @ 1:36 am
I can’t believe the moderator of this board has allowed all that spam to sit there, making the various reports on deviant homosexual behavior harder to find. Today I was out and a I saw a pack of guys riding pink “crotch rocket” motorcycles. They all had jock straps on their faces in place of masks and I could see pee stains on some of them. They also had pink leather jackets on. When the passed me I could see the name “Booty Bandits” on the back of each of their jackets. Has anyone else spotted this queer motorcycle gang? They were driving recklessly, playing grab ass with each other, and one guy even leaned his ass off his bike so he could take a dump out of some flap in his black leather pants! I’m wondering if they are a new gang who has also taken advantage of lax law enforcement during this awful pandemic?!

Pepperoni Tony said May 16, 2020 @ 9:01 pm
Spammer, you should be in prison for your hate crime against the gay community! You are so lucky Obama isn’t still President as his administration would take this far more seriously than the Trump administration!!!

qwerty said May 16, 2020 @ 1:57 pm
Now that this thing is spammed, let’s stop talking about STUPID GAY ASSHOLES.

Spammer said May 16, 2020 @ 1:56 pm
Hi! I am here to spam the stupid “gestbook.”
Hi! I am here to spam the stupid “gestbook.”
...

Spammer said May 16, 2020 @ 1:55 pm
Hi! I am here to spam the stupid “gestbook.”
Hi! I am here to spam the stupid “gestbook.”
Hi! I am here to spam the stupid “gestbook.”
...

Spammer said May 16, 2020 @ 1:55 pm
Hi! I am here to spam the stupid “gestbook.”
Hi! I am here to spam the stupid “gestbook.”
...

Spammer said May 16, 2020 @ 1:55 pm
Hi! I am here to spam the stupid “gestbook.”

Gary said May 15, 2020 @ 7:22 pm
Michael Oliver, the guy who played the kid in the early 1990s Problem Child movies grew up to be a weird-looking adult. He has a long mullet and serious b.o. Nobody wants to cast him anymore, so he became a roadie for a band in Los Angeles. I remember hearing a few years ago that the fans of punk bands would always harass him as a joke. People would stand near him at concerts and would intentionally drop ass before walking away and would then laugh at his reaction. I wonder whether he will start wearing a mask or a jock strap on his face when the economy back up so that he can protect himself from the Coronavirus?

CoronaFart said May 15, 2020 @ 5:46 pm
Anonymous, whats wrong with u; theh guessbiok is 4 everyone

TrumpSuckz said May 15, 2020 @ 5:45 pm
oh u were joking lol