Unsung Heroes - Dustin Diamond and His TV Dad, Mr. Powers!!!

Dustin Diamond and his TV father, Mr. Powers, have received recognition as "unsung heroes" for their years of service working at gloryholes as shown in the images below (click on the images for larger views)! Way to go guys!!!

Important Questions for Diamond - Part III

Here are my quick questions for Diamond that were posted over at this Dustin Diamond forum:

Jun 5 2011, 09:40 PM

Diamond, I went diarrhea this morning. Does this information turn you on? I accidentally flushed the toilet, as I was in a hurry to go somewhere. Although I know this disappoints you, I am on my way to a Mexican place for dinner, so I should be able to produce some nice diarrhea sprays later tonight. Let's hook up!


Jun 7 2011, 07:44 AM

Diamond, are you still dating Bob Golic? Does he still wear those skin-tight acid washed jeans even though he is fat tub of crap? After he anally rapes you, do you enjoy sniffing stale farts in his ass portion of those jeans? I bet he sweats all day in those jeans and produces a rank odor right in the seat of those pants that really turns you on, you demented faggot!


Jun 9 2011, 06:31 PM

Diamond, Sugar Ray Leonard recently admitted that one of his Olympic coaches sexually abused him prior to his boxing matches in the 1976 Olympics in Canada. Diamond, it is time for you to come clean and admit all of the things that happened to you on the rowdy Saved By The Bell set. The public wants to know about all of those rusty trombones Belding made you give him or all of the times you were anally raped in the alley behind the set.


Jun 12 2011, 06:12 AM

Diamond, remember that episode where Mylo gambled away his welfare check while playing dice with a bunch of other crackheads? Remember when Belding was talking to you in his office about the incident and you said that Mylo was a "dumb spade"? Remember how unbeknownst to you, Belding had the intercom on during this conversation? Remember how your comment started a minor race riot? Remember when 30 black kids and Mylo himself rushed into Belding's office and started beating you up and threw all of the dice that they each had in their pockets at you? Remember when you started crying and Mylo got mad and started hitting you in the head with a metal dustpan? Remember when one of the black kids opened a bag of the sawdust Mylo used to soak up barf and dumped in into your Jew-fro? Remember when another kid took Mylo's bottle of Colt 45 that was hidden in the janitor's closet and broke it over your head? Remember when the other kids started stabbing you with shards of glass and then used your blood to lube up their cocks? Remember when they all raped you and you contracted Ebola? You sure learned about race relations that time!


Jun 20 2011, 04:55 AM

Diamond, I saw that the struggling Arby's chain was sold last week. You certainly eat there quite a bit - you should give the chain's management some suggestions to turn things around. I bet you would tell them that their roast beef sandwiches would taste better if they soaked in piss, wouldn't you, faggot?


Jun 21 2011, 08:45 PM

Diamond, I think it has been pretty well-established that you have contracted many dangerous and potentially deadly STDs from sucking off your hero, father figure, and gay lover, Mr. Belding. Please confirm that in addition to the STDs, you have also suffered from lockjaw while sucking off his massive wang. Can you even chew your Taco Bell when suffering from lockjaw? Or does Belding chew it first and then spit it into your mouth? Better yet, does Belding chew your tacos and then shit in your mouth 35 minutes later as the greasy tacos run their course through his bloated body?


Jun 24 2011, 08:44 AM

Diamond, I just realized that the initials for Rick Bawls are "R.B." If you speak these initials, it almost sounds like you are saying "Arby," as in "Arby's," your favorite restaurant! Is this just some strange coincidence? Or are you in cahoots with that raging queer, Rick Bawls?


Jun 26 2011, 12:24 AM

Diamond, why were you Belding's minimum wage assistance for so many years? Remember how you were taking an elementary school education course at California University in the fall of 1994 during your sophomore year and had to work as Belding's assistant for a semester to complete the course? Remember how Belding was supposed to fill out an evaluation form at the end of the course so that you could pass the course? Remember when you walked into his off on at the end of the semester and told him you enjoyed working with him and asked him to sign the evaluation form for you? Remember when Belding took the form, dropped his 58-inch polyester trousers and took a dump on the evaluation form? Remember when you turned in the form and got an incomplete for the course at California University? Remember when you had to retake the course and Belding did the same thing at the end of the spring semester of 1995? Remember how you kept retaking the course until the spring semester of 2000 when Belding retired from Bayside? You sure were a dipshit that time! Why didn't you change college majors or attempt to become an assistant at Valley for a semester?


Jun 26 2011, 10:39 PM

Diamond, I got up early this morning to run a 5k race. After the race, I walking into a port-a-potty on the race site to take a piss and discover that some nasty, low-life, scum-ridden motherfucker and had taken a huge dump in a plastic urinal off on the side of the port-a-potty that feeds into the blue toilet water below. Of course, this shit log had probably been deposited hours beforehand and the port-a-potty smelled even worse than those things normally smell. Most people would be disgusted by this, but I bet you wouldn't be - I bet you've popped a tent and are rubbing one out right now, aren't you, you sick fuck!!!


Jun 30 2011, 06:20 AM

Diamond, I found this porta-potty attack video from the Vancouver riots:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD5l8p9b0P8

Please confirm that you were the guy who fell from the top of the porta-potty when the other guy rammed into it. Is it true that the other guy discovered that you were sitting on top of the porta-potty pleasuring yourself while listening to him take a dump two minutes earlier? Is that why he rammed into the porta-potty, causing it to nearly tip over and resulting in that devastating fall where you also broke your neck when you hit the pavement? Did those policemen ass-rape you?


Jul 4 2011, 09:22 AM

Diamond, is it true that your beard smells like baked ass? Please confirm that on a typical day your beard contains 3 lbs of dried semen, diarrhea, and peanuts from shit sprays. Get back to me pronto, fucknut!


Jul 7 2011, 08:44 AM

Diamond, please confirm that when you were a student at Bayside you would often crawl down into the Port-a-potties at the football field and hide down there during football games. Is it true that you would pleasure yourself several times during each game when random people would enter the Port-a-potty and piss and take dumps on you? Is it true that you still sneak into the old Port-a-potties to this day even though you are now 34 years old and a fat tub of crap? You are one nasty fuck!


Jul 13 2011, 09:29 AM

Diamond, why are you so sexually attracted to Mr. Belding's saggy and dumpy fat ass? Do you enjoy grabbing it while making out, or do all of the rank odors emanating from his unwashed butthole turn really turn you on?


Jul 15 2011, 02:41 AM

Diamond, is it true that you sucked off Mylo the janitor so many times that you caught Sickle Cell Anemia from him?


Jul 21 2011, 07:33 AM

Diamond, have you taken refuge from the heat wave currently blanketing much of the country? The inside of your dumpster probably reaches a good 115 degrees as food rots around you and you essentially bake inside your scalding hot metal enclosure during the day. Do random dudes exiting the nearby Taco Bell piss into the dumpster while you are resting to cool you down? Do they also pelt you with garbage and dogshit they find lying on the ground? Please get back to me soon, buddy!


Jul 25 2011, 04:33 AM

Diamond, please confirm that you have been evicted from your house in Port Washington and have had to use this make-shift toilet at the abandoned rest stop off the highway:

Jul 27 2011, 09:43 AM

Diamond, is it true that when you were a student at Bayside, Mr. Belding would often sneak into your room through the window? Remember how Belding would make out with you and then have anal sex with you without giving you a reach-around or any sort of pleasurable touching? Remember how after sex Belding would put on his pink jock strap and would cuddle with you in bed? Remember how the jockstrap covered Belding's bulgy ball-sac, but obviously didn't cover his obese ass? Remember when Belding would often eat a Domino's sausage pizza prior to coming over and would have gas as he laid in bed with you? Remember when Belding would rip wet fart after wet fart as his body attempted to digest the greasy pizza? Remember all of the shit stains his wet farts would leave on your Winnie the Pooh bedsheets? Is it true that you still have those soiled sheets and jerked off while sniffing them about 30 minutes ago?


Jul 28 2011, 05:11 AM

Diamond, remember when you watched the Chuck Berry video where he rips an extremely loud fart in a hooker's face? Remember when Belding ripped ass in your face a few days later and you complained that his fart wasn't nearly as loud as Chuck Berry's? Remember how mad your rude and insensitive comment made Belding? Remember when Belding stomped on your face and raped you in front of Hound Dog and Kevin the Robot to teach you a lesson? Stupid fag!


Jul 29 2011, 09:20 AM

Diamond, remember that episode where Slater laid down face-first naked on your bed while you Belding raped you on the bed? Remember how Belding shoved your hook nose into Slater's smelly asshole as he raped you? Remember how you instantly lost your load as the combination of inhaling the odor of Slater's smelly asshole and the anal stretching from Belding's rape of you was such an enormous turn-on? You sure were a silly faggot that tine!


Jul 29 2011, 10:07 PM

Diamond, I see that a new Smurfs movie is coming out and it looks like a horrible movie. This got me thinking - remember when you stated in interviews that you put so much effort into creating the "unique" Screech character and made him your own? It seems to me that all you did was rip off the "Brainy" smurf character, with the exception, of course, that your character got dumber and dumber every year to the point at which you appeared to have a learning disability. Like you, the Brainy smurf character was never funny and served no purpose other than to annoy the other characters. Another similarity is that Brainy smurf was also gay and was often ass-raped by Papa Smurf and Gargamel - Smurfette would often watch these incidents while fingering herself.

You are a character thief!


Aug 2 2011, 06:43 PM

Diamond, why do you like it so much when the entire wrestling team goes to the bathroom on your face? Does it turn you on in some sick, demented way when you think about the fact and high school teenagers are pissing and shitting on your 34-year-old face?


Aug 3 2011, 01:40 AM

Diamond, when is your new porno coming out? I suggest that you craft a storyline based on the "Miss Bayside" episode. You could call your next porno "Miss Bayside" and the plot could be centered around you dressing up as a cheerleader and being viciously ass-raped by the entire football team, Mr. Belding, Rod Belding, Zack's dad, Hound Dog, and Maxwell Nerdstrom in that order.


Aug 4 2011, 05:03 AM

Diamond, why do you like wearing Zubaz-brand clothing that is soaked with Hound Dog's piss?


Aug 22 2011, 08:51 AM

Diamond, remember that time when Kevin the Robot had a sleepover and invited the robot from Rocky IV over to your house? Remember when the Rocky IV robot and Kevin the Robot spit-roasted you and pumped you full of their dirty oil? You sure were a bitch that time!


Aug 30 2011, 05:51 AM

Diamond, please confirm that your ass is permanently damaged from all of the daily rapes that occurred when you were a student at Bayside. Does it bother you when Belding tears off your adult diapers to rape your already permanently torn asshole? Or do that turn you on in some sick, perverted way?


Aug 30 2011, 06:04 PM

Diamond, remember that time when Belding ripped a fart right in your face and you said, "Ewww" and made gagging noises? Remember how your melodramatic behavior upset Belding? Remember when Belding said, "Dammit Diamond! My farts are my gift to you - how dare you be rude to me after I gave you this valuable gift, you cock-sucking Jew-bastard faggot!!!" Remember when Belding raped you, infecting you with a strain of Super-AIDS in the process? You sure learned proper gift receiving etiquette that time!

Aug 30 2011, 11:44 PM

Diamond, remember that time when Belding accidentally stepped in dogshit? Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when he used your hook nose and Brillo-like Jew-fro to wipe the dogshit off the heel of his shoes? Remember how Belding scraped a large chunk of dogshit as a well as dead grass, pebbles, and broken glass that was stuck to the dogshit off on your hook nose and you inhaled it?


Oct 26 2011, 12:00 PM

Diamond, I demand that you bring back dustindiamond.com or at least create an electronic bulletin board to allow your queer fans to schedule unprotected butt-sex with you. I want to fire my seed up your brownpipe after taking a dump in your mouth. At which gas station are you currently pumping gas? I see you seen - I am off to the Port Washington Taco Bell.


Dec 16 2011, 01:20 PM

Diamond, is it cool with you if I drop my pants and piss on your Beef'n Cheddar from Arby's while you are eating it? Does the bun taste better when it is soaked with piss? Does your fake wife finger herself when a random stranger comes up and disrespects you?

My "Remember When..." Queer Fantasies - Part X

Here are more of my "Remember When..." queer fantasies:

"Belding Refuses to 'Put 'Em on the Glass'" recap
Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 7:41 am

Diamond, remember how you were a big fan of Sir Mix-A-Lot's mid-90s song, "Put 'Em On The Glass"? Remember when you were in your rusty 1978 Ford Pinto and drove past Belding's 1986 Yugo on Bayside Street? Remember when you rolled down the window and yelled out, "Hey Chief, put 'em on the glass!!!" Remember how you were hoping that Belding would take off his shirt and press his fatty male boobs up against the driver's side window in his car? Remember how Belding motioned for you to roll down your car window? Remember when you rolled down your window as requested and then Belding pulled out a bottle of lighter fluid and sprayed the interior of your car? Remember when Bedlding then threw a red-hot car cigarette lighter into your car, igniting the light fluid? Remember when you screamed and drove off the road in a panic as your skin painfully burned under the searing heat of the fire? Remember when you crashed into a light pole and rolled out of the car onto the ground? Remember when you looked up and saw Mr. Tuttle hiding on top of the light pole naked and masturbating furiously? Remember when the fire was finally doused when Tuttle blew his massive load onto your burning body? Remember how you spent the next six weeks in intensive car in critical condition and almost died? You sure learned to be respectful to your superiors that time!



"Diamond Sees 'Moneyball'" recap
Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 11:05 am

Diamond, do you remember when the movie "Moneyball" starring Brad Pitt was released to movie theaters last year? Remember when Belding called you to his office and asked if you wanted to go see Moneyball with him after school that day? Remember how happy you were because your idol, Mr. Belding, wanted to see Moneyball with you? Remember when Belding told you to meet him in Coach Sonski's shop classroom after school so that you could see Moneyball? Remember how you assumed that Belding had obtained a bootlegged copy and was going to screen it for you on a TV in the shop classroom? Remember how showed up at the classroom and Belding asked you to sit down? Remember when he said, "Are you ready to see Moneyball?" Remember when you replied that you were and then Belding dropped his pants and shoved his middle-aged wrinkled balls in your face? Remember when he said that his nickname for his right testicle was "Moneyball"? Remember how his balls smelled like stale farts, piss, and a sweaty gym sock because he had apparently been wearing the same pair of underwear for the past week without showering? Remember when you said, "Yuck!" and "Zoinks!" as he rubbed his "Moneyball" all over your face? Remember how Belding became enraged by your rude behavior? Remember when he tied you up with cable ties that were laying on a table in the shop classroom and then started whipping you with an electrical cord leaving painful red welts all over your bird chest, stomach, and tiny balls? Remember how you looked up and saw Mr. Tuttle perched on top of a ceiling light watching the attack? Remember how Tuttle's pants were down around his ankles and he was masturbating furiously? Remember when Belding gave you a sweaty pair of Arabian Goggles and then tea-bagged you by dunking his Moneyball into your mouth? Remember when Belding got up, turned you onto your stomach, ripped off your Zubaz, and then raped you? Remember when heard the doorknob to the classroom turning and assumed it was the police who were coming to your rescue? Remember how surprised you were to see that it was Kevin the Robot? Remember how Kevin had not been seen for 20 years ever since you abandoned him at the junkyard back in 1991? Remember how relieved you were when Kevin rolled over because you assumed he was going to rescue you from Belding? Remember how less relieved you were when Kevin extended his metal cock and then grabbed your Jew-fro with his metal claws and shoved his metal cock into your mouth, forcing you to give him a robot blowjob? Remember how Belding was really giving it to you at this time and told you that he had retireved Kevin from the junkyard and converted him into a maniacal gay robot? You sure learned not to trust Mr. Belding that time!



"Kevin the Robot Teaches Diamond a Lesson" recap
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 11:27 pm

Diamond, remember that episode where you caught Kevin the Robot having sex with the tailpipe on your rusty 1978 Gremlin automobile? Remember when you yelled at Kevin to stop thrusting his metal cock in and out of the tailpipe on your piece of shit car? Remember how mad Kevin was at you for interrupting him, as he was unable to climax and expel his oil out of his metal cock with you annoying and distracting him? Remember when Kevin pulled his metal cock out of the tailpipe, rolled over to you and said, "BZZZT! Diamond, I just drank several gallons of oil and need to drain oil. BZZZZTTT!!!" Remember when Kevin grabbed you with his metal claws and tore off your clothes? Remember when Kevin threw you to the ground and then rolled onto your bird chest and did several burnouts, tearing skin and leaving red marks and blood all over? Remember when Kevin inserted his unlubed metal cock into your ass and then grabbed your torso with his claws, moving you up and down on his metal cock? Remember when you yelled out not because of the large size of the metal cock, but instead because his metal cock was cold? Remember when Kevin raped you for several minutes until he blew his oily robotic load into your horribly torn ass with such force that you flew several feet up in the air? Remember when Kevin started slapping his metal claws together until he produced a spark which caused the oil to ignite which had just been discharged from his metal cock? Remember when you caught on fire as Kevin yelled out, "BZZZTTT! Ha! Ha! Ha! Take that Diamond! BZZZTT!!!" Remember when you suffered 2nd degree burns over 70% of your body? You sure learned not to interrupt Kevin while he is having sex that time!



"Diamond Learns about Electricity" recap
Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 9:15 pm

Diamond, remember that time when you were a 22-year-old teaching assistant and Belding yanked off your Zubaz in the shop classroom, exposing your pre-pubesecient tiny cock and balls? Remember when Belding pulled out a taser gun and you exclaimed, "Zoinks! Don't tase me bro!" Remember when Belding shot the taser electrodes at you, hitting you in the zoinker and applying 50,000 volts across your hairless nutbag? Remember the intense pain you felt? Remember when Belding started laughing uncontrollably? Remember when Tuttle, who was hiding on top of a bookcase, blew a load that landed in your Jew-fro? Remember how even though it was a comfortable 68 degrees in the shop classroom, Belding was sweating profusely? Remember how a huge puddle of sweat formed on the floor around him? Remember when Belding suddenly dropped his pants and pissed in the sweat puddle? Remember when Belding then grabbed your barely conscious body and dragged you into the sweat/piss puddle, soaking you? Remember when Belding grabbed a car battery that was sitting on a nearby table in the shop classroom and connected large jumper cables to the battery terminals? Remember when Belding set the car battery on the floor near the sweat/piss puddle and then dropped the open ends of the jumper cables into the seat/piss puddle? Remember how the electrical current from the battery electrocuted your soaked body? Remember how Tuttle started rubbing another one out and all of the muscles in your body tensed up during the electrocution? Remember how your skin started burning from the electrocution? Remember when Slater walked into the room and farted in your face with such force that the fart blew you out of the sweat/piss puddle, possibly saving your life from the electrocution? Remember when Slater said, "Hey Diamond, are you ok mang?" Remember when Slater ass-raped you to make sure you were still alive? You sure learned about electricity that time!



"The Biggest Loser" recap
Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:53 pm

Diamond, remember when you were contacted by VH1 last summer because they wanted to cast you in "The Biggest Loser"? Remember how although it seemed odd that VH1 called seeing as how the previous seasons of "The Biggest Loser" had all been on NBC in prime time? Remember how you assumed that because you had porked up and had previously appeared on "Celebrity Fit Club," VH1 wanted you back for another weight loss show? Remember when the show's producers showed up at your front door and informed you that you were the only person on the show? Remember how you narcissistically assumed that VH1 had fired other contestants because they couldn't compete against your massive celebrity and would get in your way? Remember how the show taped for an entire summer and didn't require you to perform any athletic feats? Remember how they filmed you at a comedy club, at Arby's and Taco Bell, participating in dumpster parties, being ass-raped by Mr. Belding and Kevin the Robot, being evicted from your home, and losing your SUV to repossession? Remember how excited you were you went to a department store to watch TV when "The Biggest Loser" was to air on VH1 because you thought that the show would help break you back into mega-stardom in Hollywood as people saw that you lost a couple pounds? Remember how your excitement quickly turned to disappointment when you realized that VH1's "The Biggest Loser" was not, in fact, a weight loss show but was actually a documentary-type show designed to show the world what a pathetic loser you are? Remember how the show aired interviews from Chris Burke, the Demasi twins, your former cast mates, all of whom referred to you as "hook-nosed rim goblin, "Zubaz-wearing cocksucker," and "Shithead"? Remember when you started crying until the manager at the furniture store threw you out of the store and raped you? You sure were a dipshit that time!



"Diamond Goes to a Dodgers Game" recap
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 12:01 am

Diamond, remember that episode where you went to a Dodgers game on "Free gum day"? Remember how much you were yelling while watching the game? Remember how you kept yelling at Orel Hersheiser to come over and give you an autograph even though he was the starting pitcher and it was the top of the 5th inning? Remember when Orel Hersheiser got mad and threw a fastball into the stands hitting you in the eye and knocking you unconscious? Remember when Mr. Belding, your companion at the game, instructed everyone to spit out their gum onto your unconscious body? Remember when thousands of fans threw their moist chewed gum at you? Remember when you regained consciousness as you were being pelted with gum? Remember when you attempted to lift your head off the aisle floor but couldn't because hundreds of pieces of gum in your jew-fro were stuck to the floor? Remember how you were finally able to lift your head off the floor only to be immediately struck in the eye with chewing tobacco that Kirk Gibson spit into your eye? Remember how several other players had rushed into the stands and were throwing peanuts shells and also spitting tobacco onto you? Remember when Orel Hersheiser ripped off your Zubaz shirt and threw beer and then dirt from the ball field onto your bird chest? Remember how the moist dirt stuck to your chest? Remember when he said, "Hey faggot, you wanted my autograph, well here it is!" Remember when he then proceeded to drop his pants and piss his name onto the dirt canvas on your chest? Remember how the attack was replayed for years on "This Week In Baseball" as announcer Mel Allen famously exclaimed "How about that!"You sure learned to keep your trap shut at while at a ball game that time!



"The Heatwave" recap
Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 8:16 pm

Diamond, remember that time when there was a heatwave and the Bayside air conditioner broke? Remember how Belding would sweat profusely while wearing his 56-inch polyester dress pants? Remember how he ate 6 greasy tacos in the Bayside cafeteria on "taco day" and kept dropping ass the rest of the day? Remember when he got horny while watching you parade around in your Zubaz? Remember when he called you into his office and ripped a loud fart? Remember how much this turned you on? Remember when he unbuttoned his pants and tried to drop them to the floor but they stuck to his body because they were soaked with sweat? Remember when you helped yank them off and then he shoved your face in his crotch? Remember when the rank smell of sweaty, unwashed balls and ass hit you like a freight train? Remember when Belding insisted that you lick his butthole? Remember how despite the awful smell, you wanted to please your older gay lover and began licked his balls and asshole? Remember how after a few minutes you passed out? Remember when Belding had anal sex with you while you were unconscious and then called an ambulance? Remember how you were rushed to the hospital and after some tests the doctors diagnosed you with kidney failure caused by licked Belding's super-salty balls and ass? Remember when you had to have a kidney removed and were hooked up to a dialysis machine until a replacement kidney could be found? Remember when Slater and Belding snuck into your hospital room and took turns shitting and pissing into the dialysis machine? Remmeber when their bodily waste products were transported into your blood stream by the dialysis machine and caused liver failure in your body? Remember how a replacement kidney and liver were eventually found after months in the hospital? Remember how you almost died several times? Remember how your life expectancy was reduced by 30 years as a result of the actions of Belding and Slater? Belding's sweaty balls and ass really got you good that time!



"Belding Makes Diamond Wear a Chastity Belt" recap
Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2012 9:03 am

Diamond, remember that time when Belding was really giving it to you right in the ass and you enjoy his anal rape technique so much that you blew your tiny load? Remember how you got a little drop of your Jew cum on the carpet of his principal's office at Bayside? Remember how mad this made Belding and he yelled that you had ruined the carpet? Remember when you replied that you hadn't ruined the carpet and reminded him that he had sprayed diarrhea onto your face hundreds of times and always got at least a little bit of diarrhea on the carpet each time? Remember when Belding replied, "Shut up, Diamond!!! How dare you display such insolence!!!!" Remember when Belding threw you face-first into a file cabinet and then started stomping on your back and kicking you in the head? Remember how he was completely naked during this violent beating and got so turned on while beating you up and he shot a huge load onto the carpet? Remember when he started mopping up his cum with your Jew-fro and then made you lick it up? Remember how in addition to the cum you also licked up dead bugs, spider eggs, dirt, and pubic hair because the floor was absolutely covered in Belding's gray pubes? Remember how the next day Belding went out and purchased a man's chastity belt for you to prevent you from ever again receiving an erection while he ass-rapes you? You really learned not to enjoy being raped that time!



"The Food Pyramid" episode recap
Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:54 am
Diamond, remember that time when Belding showed you a "food pyramid" diagram which indicated that fecal matter was an essential portion of a balanced diet? Remember how the diagram was in color and was glossy except for one small box that clearly had white-out covering text underneath and "fecal matter" was written over the text? Remember when Belding would call you to his office every day for lunch and tricked you into believing that he'd get in trouble with the school board if they found out that you weren't eating a healthy lunch and would point at the food pyramid diagram? Remember when he would drop his pants and skidmark-encrusted underwear and say "come get your meal, Diamond?" and insisted that you lick his asshole to get the nutrients which were essential to your growth? Remember how Belding wouldn't allow you to rinse your mouth out after licking his asshole for 15 minutes because he said you needed the fecal matter in your mouth to digest into your saliva and you would spend the rest of the day with shit breath? Remember how you did this every day for years and caught many cavities from the dangerous bacteria growing on Belding's asshole which damaged your gums and teeth? You sure were a fucking idiot that time!



"The Field Trip to the Art Museum" recap
Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 6:21 am

Diamond, do you remember the episode when you were a freshman and the school took a field trip to the visit the Los Angeles County Museum of Art? Remember how everyone piled into a school bus? Remember how you kept singing the "McDonald's Menu Song" during the bus ride, annoying the shit out of everyone on the bus? Remember when Mr. Belding, the chaperone for the trip, ordered everyone to throw things at you to shut your Jew-hole? Remember when everyone on the bus started throwing books at you? Remember when Ox hit you in your hook nose with a stapler that he happened to bring with him on the trip for some unexplained reason? Remember how you started crying? Remember how relieved you were when you arrived at the art museum moments later because you assumed that the workers at the art museum put a stop to the abuse? Remember how less relieved you were when you discovered that the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, like most art museums, is staffed by degenerate weirdos who radiate homosexuality? Remember when the museum workers started beating and sodomizing you with ancient Roman empire statues? Remember when a small Michelangelo statue got stuck in your ass and the museum patrons clapped as they saw you hopping around and grimacing in pain because they thought that you were a performance artist and that you were part of an exhibit? You sure had a memorable field trip that time!



"Diamond Learns About Beard Hygene" recap
Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 8:39 am

Diamond, remember that time when Belding took a shit in your Jew-fro and then wiped his ass clean with your neatly trimmed beard? Remember how you hadn't washed your face for a few days and still had dried fecal chips stuck in there from the last time Belding wiped his ass with your beard? Remember how the old dried fecal chips had sharp edges? Remember how the dried fecal chips irritated Belding's asshole as he wiped his ass with your beard? Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when he threw you face-first into a urinal and tried to drown you in a puddle of urinal piss while he pulled down your pants and ass-raped you? Remember when Mr. Dewey walked into the bathroom and was upset that he couldn't use the urinal because your face was in it at the time? Remember when Mr. Dewey decided to use the urinal anyway and pissed on your Jew-fro while Belding continued to rape you? Remember when Mr. Dewey finished pissing and then gave Belding a hi-five and started cheering him on during the unprovoked homosexual attack? Remember when Belding blew a huge load into your ass and then pulled your face out of the urinal and slammed your head into the bathroom stall partition with a large enough force to snap the bolt securing the stall partition to the wall? Remember when Bayside send you a bill for $750 to replace and bolt and fix the damaged bathroom stall partition? You sure learned the importance of a clean beard that time!



"Diamond Learns the Importance of Discipline" recap
Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2011 9:02 am

Diamond, remember that time when you flew a plane with your son, Zoinks Diamond? Remember how you gave anal birth to young Zoinks in the late 90s after Belding ass-raped you for the 857th time? Remember how you and Zoinks were flying out to Anaheim to visit Disney World? Remember how Zoinks kept kicking the seat in front of him and the middle-aged man sitting in the seat being kicked got mad and yelled at you and told you to cut it out? Remember when you asked Zoinks to stop kicking the seat, but Zoinks continued to do so anyway? Remember when the man got out of his seat and then walked to your row of seats and started hitting you in the face with a book? Remember when passengers initially screamed and hit the button to request the stewardess? Remember when the stewardess got on the intercom and told everyone to relax because the person being beaten was former child star Dustin Diamond? Remember when everyone breathed a sign of relief and then started cheered on the man who was by now punching and kicking you in your hook nose? Remember when he threw you to the ground and your head landed in the aisle? Remember when the stewardess yelled "keep the aisle clear!" and then started running with the food cart, smashing into your face and cracking two of your teeth? Remember when the stewardess took off her high heels and started to stab you when the bottom of the heel and everyone cheered her on? Remember when the little kids on the seat next to your started pelting you with honey roasted peanuts and M&M's Remember when you got some of the honey roasted salt in your eyes and started crying like a bitch? Remember how everyone got mad and yelled at you to shut the fuck up??? Remember when several random dudes on the flight started assraping you while everyone else cheered them on? Remember how this attack lasted a good 45 minutes? Remember how at the end the pilot got on the intercom and told everyone that they needed to stick together and tell the authorities on the ground that Diamond was making terrorist threats and that he was beaten as a result? Remember when the plane landed and you said you were attacked? Remember when everyone else on the plane lied and said that you made the terrorist threats? Remember when you told your story to a judge and the judge got mad, called you a liar, and sentenced you to three years in prison? You sure learned the importance of disciplining children that time!



"Diamond Visits Santa" recap
Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 7:16 pm

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you visited a Los Angeles mall days before Christmas? Remember how even though you are Jewish you waited in the long line to sit on Santa's lap to ask for gifts? Remember how you were impatient while standing in line and kept saying "Zoinks!" and telling everyone else how important you were because you were acting on Saved By the Bell: The New Class? Remember how you were 19 years old at the time, whereas all of the other kids in line were younger than 8 years of age? Remember you finally got to the head of the line and then jumped onto Santa's lap and reached down and started fondling Santa's old wrinkled nut-bag? Remember when you asked Santa for a new tandem bike, a hot pink Member's Only jacket, and leather chaps? Remember how Santa saw your massive hook nose and asked if you were Jewish? Remember when you replied, "Zoinks! You got me, but I still do want those things!" Remember how your annoying behavior enraged Santa? Remember when Santa said that you were responsible for killing Jesus and that you had wasted everyone's time by sitting on his lap and that you were going to hell? Remember when Santa stood up, punched you in your hook nose and then started stomping on your chest and head with his black boots? Remember how the kids in line cheered him on because they thought that you sucked on Saved By The Bell? Remember when Santa dropped his pants and then shoved his cock up your ass and began raping you? Remember when a midget dressed up as an elf took off his tights, positioned his naked ass right next to your nose and ripped a wet fart? Remember when Santa blew his load in your ass and then kicked you in the head and dragged your lifeless body off to the side? Remember when he pulled up his pants and then the kids in line and the parents all started singing Christmas carols? Remember when Santa resumed letting kids sit on his lap and ask for gifts? That episode really showed the spirit of Christmas!



"Diamond learns about showering" recap
Posted: Aug 23 2011, 09:13 AM

Diamond, remember the summer of 1993 when Mr. Tuttle didn't shower for the entire summer even though there was a heat wave throughout July and August? Remember when you ran into Tuttle while getting your yearbook picture taken and could smell his balls and ass from where you were standing 20 feet away? Remember how much that turned you on? Remember when you immediately ran over to Tuttle, grabbed his hand, and led him into an empty classroom? Remember when you pulled down his polyester trousers and the rank smell of Tuttle's unwashed balls and ass hit you like a freight train? Remember when you licked his extra salty sweaty ballbag and went into cardiac arrest and almost died? Remember when Tuttle masturbated onto your near-comatose body as he waited for the ambulance to arrive to take you to the hospital? Remember when he kept farting in your face because he was under the mistaken impression that his farts were like smelling salts that would keep you awake? Remember when paramedics arrived at Bayside and Tuttle hid on top of a file cabinet while masturbating as the paramedics loaded you onto a wheeled bed and carted you away? Remember how they made comments about you smelling like baked ass and being a nasty faggot? You sure learned about the importance of showering in the that episode!



"Diamond Learns About Gold" recap
Posted: Jul 20 2011, 07:47 AM

Diamond, your money woes have been well-publicized. Remember all of those businesses that you started and then abandoned after a few days when you got sick of them, such as your talent agency and costume design business? Remember how are so lazy that rather than work for money, you are always looking for an easy way to make money?

Remember how the food court in the mall near you installed LCD televisions tuned to different cable channels? Remember how you were walking through the food court scrounging for uneaten food to eat in the garbage cans the other day when you looked up and saw a CNBC anchor on a TV discussing the rising price of gold, which recently hit $1600/oz? Remember how this gave you an idea for your next get-rich-quick scheme? Remember when you thought about the time that Belding and Salter said they were going to give you a golden shower for your next birthday? Remember when you hopped on your pink bike and rode as fast as you could to Belding's house and begged for the golden shower right then and there? Remember how you dreamed that you could sell the golden shower on eBay for hundreds of thousands of dollars and would be able to buy back your house from foreclosure and be able to afford to eat at Arby's every day?

Remember when you showed up at Belding's and opened the door and were shocked to see your TV mom, Mrs. Powers, getting DP'ed by Belding and Slater while your TV dad, Mr. Powers, sucked off your biological father, singer Neil Diamond? Remember when you looked over and saw Maxwell Nerdstrom doing Hound Dog right in the ass as Mr. Tuttle looked on and masturbated vigorously?

Remember when you didn't think anything of this strange scene and asked Belding for your golden shower? Remember when Belding asked you to follow him out back to his tool shed? Remember when Belding said "you want your golden shower? Well here it is, BITCH!" and then punched you in the face and kicked your kneecap, causing you to double over in pain? Remember when Belding dropped his sweaty trousers, causing the tool shed to instantly reek of the smell of ass? Remember when Belding started pissing on you and asked if you enjoyed the golden shower? Remember when Mrs. Powers entered the toolshed and you thought she was going to save you? Remember how surprised you were when she instead took off her underwear and started pissing on you? Remember when Tuttle, Nerdstrom, Hound Dog, Becky the Duck, Slater, Zack, the bum from the Christmas mall episode, Ox, and Zack's dad also started pissing on you? Remember when Zack's dad talked on his huge cellular phone and sold 30 computers while taking a leak on your jew-fro? Remember when Belding said, "have fun selling that golden shower on eBay, FAGGOT!!!"

You sure learned about gold that time!



"The Bayside 'Sniff-Off'" episode recap
Posted: Jul 11 2011, 05:20 AM

Diamond, remember when Salter and Belding asked you to participate in the annual Bayside jock strap "Sniff-Off"? Remember how delighted you were that they invited you to this event? Remember how you had never heard of the "Sniff-Off" before, but assumed that you hadn't heard about it because only the cool kids had been invited in years past? Remember how you were excited because you assumed that everyone thought that you were cool now? Remember when you showed up to the Bayside gym and Belding announced that all of the varsity athletes from the wrestling and football teams had been sweating in jock straps all day while eating free Taco Bell tacos and sitting in a classroom that was 90 degrees and had no air conditioning? Remember when the athletes stripped down in front of you at a school assembly and threw their sweaty jock straps in your face and you sniffed them? Remember how Slater and Belding stood behind you because you assumed that they were going to be sniffing the jock straps after you? Remember when you sniffed the sweaty jock straps while everyone in the auditorium cheered you on? Remember when Rod Belding, who was not a student athlete and didn't even teacher at Bayside stripped and threw his smelly jock strap right in your face? Remember how you sniffed 78 smelly jock straps that day and contracted herpes from all of the queers who had thrown their used jock straps in your face? Remember how perplexed you were when nobody sniffed any jock straps after you and Belding ordered everyone back to class? Remember when you said to Belding, "Did I win the Sniff-Off?" Remember when Belding replied, "Shut up, dickhead?" Remember when you discovered several months later that Maxwell Nerdstrom and the other weirdos from the AV club had videotaped your performance and offered it for sale as a documentary entitled "Obsessive Jewish Homosexuals Who Sniff Jock Straps"? Remember when they won an Oscar for "Best Documentary" and also won various monetary awards that they refused to share with you? You sure got screwed over that time!