Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I Have A Stalker!

I have a stalker on the Internet! Someone who goes by the name "Rick Bawls" is obsessed with me and has apparently fallen in love with me. He is a huge fan of Randy Constan, the real-life "Peter Pan." I believe that Rick enjoys dressing up as Peter Pan himself and meeting men at rest stops and gas station bathrooms.

Rick has set up 20 different fake profiles on Facebook and even created a blog to stalk me. He created his blog six days ago and has already written over 70 posts, many of which include photographs of hard-core gay pornography. I have to assume that Rick uploaded those photos from his own computer hard drive - he must have accumulated several terabytes of gay porn over the years. (I am not providing a link to his blog because he has some sick gay hard core pornography on that blog and it is definitely not safe to view at work!)

Rick is an unemployed man who spends a majority of his days fantasizing that he is a range of different people. He is ashamed of his real-life persona and that is why he has created so many fake identities on the Internet. Rick is still coming to grips with his latent homosexuality. He is struggling to understand why he becomes sexually aroused when he is urinating in a public restroom and someone rips a smelly and loud fart. He feels as though he is supposed to be attracted to women, yet he cannot help but be repulsed by them. He enjoys living life on the edge on his terms - according to unconfirmed sources, Rick frequently swipes sweaty jock straps from the local high school and sniffs them while pleasuring himself.

Rick Bawls should seriously consider visiting a psychiatrist before he becomes suicidal. Rick exhibits passive-aggressive behaviors and is close to losing his mind.


Big Ben Healy said...

Big Ben Healy would not approve!

Kurt Steinberg said...

Rick Bawls lives in Toronto, Canada and is big into the Toronto homosexual dumpster scene.