Thursday, April 15, 2010

My "Remember When..." Queer Fantasies - Part VII

Here are some of my "Remember When..." queer fantasies involving Diamond and the rest of the Saved By The Bell gang:

"The Powers Family" recap
Posted: Nov 23 2009, 10:29 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where Mr. and Mrs. Powers spit-roasted you? Remember when Mrs. Powers did you in the ass with a strap-on while Mr. Powers inserted his cock into your mouth and had sex with your throat? Remember how Mr. Powers had just returned home from the truck stop where he had anal sex with random truckers? Remember how Mr. Powers' cock tasted like ass? Remember when Kevin the Robot rolled up behind Mrs. Powers and started doing her in the ass with his metal cock? Remember how Mr. and Mrs. Powers both climaxed at the same time while you were screaming in horror as the tears in your ass bled all over your Saved By The Bell-themed bed sheets? Remember how Kevin the Robot also shot his oily robotic load into Mrs. Powers' ass at this time? Remember when Mr. and Mrs. Powers both sat naked in front of your face and then they each ripped ass? Remember when Mr. and Mrs. Powers climbed back into your bed? Remember when Kevin the Robot also climbed into your bed? Remember how Mr. and Mrs. Powers and Kevin the Robot were each in a state of bliss while you were experiencing excruciating pain? Remember when Kevin pushed you out of your bed because there wasn't enough room for his claws to stretch out? Remember when you landed on Hound Dog, who had been laying on your floor? Remember how mad that made Hound Dog? Remember when Hound Dog decided to teach you a lesson by shitting in your Jew-fro? Your family life really sucked that time!

"Screech Tries to Profit From Anal Rape" ep recap
Posted: Nov 12 2009, 08:38 PM

Diamond, remember all of those episodes when you were ass-raped by Belding, Mylo, Zack's dad, and that bum who Zack found sleeping in the mall? Remember how they pumped gallons upon gallons of their potent seed into your colon every month? Remember when you saw an ad in the paper for sperm bank that was offering to pay for sperm? Remember how the ad indicated that they would pay $75 for a teaspoon for sperm? Remember when you went over to the sperm bank and emptied the contents of your colon into a cup? Remember how you took the cup to the counter and asked for a check? Remember when the nurse weighed it and saw it weighed 1000 teaspoons? Remember when you said, "Zoinks! That will be $75,000 please!" Remember when the nurse said that the doctor would have to approve the check first? Remember when the doctor walked out and you saw it was actually Rod Belding? Remember when Rod said that the sperm you provided was no good because there was some chunks of shit in the cup? Remember when Rod said that you had just wasted his time and said, "Diamond, let me give you back your sperm!" and then poured the contents of the cup down your throat? Remember when you coughed in a gag reflex? Remember how mad that mad Rod and he said, "How dare you cough in my face, you HOOK-NOSE CUM WIZARD!!!" Remember when Rod started stabbing you with hypodermic needles that he pulled out of a medical waste trash can and then tried to strangle you with his stethoscope? Remember when he yanked off your Zubaz and said, "Diamond, you cleaned out your colon. Let me fill you back up with my seed!" Remember when Rod raped you for the next five minutes while a nurse fingered herself? Remember when you looked over and saw that the phone in the room in which you were being attacked was off the hook? Remember when you picked up the receiver and said, "Zoinks! Please help me?" Remember when you heard heavy breathing on the other end of the line and realized that you were on the phone with a pervert who was masturbating during the attack? Remember when the pervert said, "Pushy pushy, move your tushy?" Remember how Rod damaged your sphincter so badly that you had to wear a diaper for the next month? Remember when you had a blood test during a physical exam a couple months later and discovered that you had contracted hepatitis from the hypodermic needles that Rod Belding had used to stab you? You sure got screwed over that time!

The "Courtesy Flush" episode recap
Posted: Nov 9 2009, 12:30 AM

Diamond, this is a repeat recap that I previous wrote in 2007. I think I may have posted it on the now-defunct forum. Anyway, I decided to post it here so that you can read it and masturbate while thinking about all of your old Bayside memories!:

"Screech, is it true that one day when you were Belding's assistant at Bayside, you really had the urge to take a huge dump after eating burritos at the Bayside cafeteria? Is it also true that Mr. Belding walked into the bathroom at the same time after having eaten his own burritos? Is it true that he announced to the bathroom as he walked in, saying "I need to take a huge SHIT! Ha ha ha!" Is it further true that he sat down in the stall next to yours and all kinds of disgusting sounds and smells emanated from his asshole? Is it true that you started to feel queasy as a result of the smell and said, "Chief, do you mind giving me a courtesy flush? Thanks, Mr. B!" Is it also true that your request enraged and embarrassed Belding? Is it further true that he got even with you by reaching down into his toilet bowl and grabbed some big chunks of shit anf then launched them over the stall wall? Is it also true that one of his chunks of shit had some peanuts with sharp edges on it and it tore your cornea when it hit your eye? Is it also true that you had to have your right eye removed after gangrene set in, and now you have a glass eye? Please confirm the details of this story. I read about it on a bathroom stall door in Reno, Nevada last year."

"Mr. Balding" recap
Posted: Nov 6 2009, 07:24 PM

Diamond, remember that episode where you told Mr. Belding that he needed to start using Rogaine because he was losing his hair? Remember when you started calling him "Mr. Balding" and laughed and said "Zoinks!" each time you said something about Belding's male pattern baldness? Remember how mad your rude comments made Belding? Remember when Belding called you into his office while you were at lunch and you walked into his office and said, "what did you want to see me about Mr. Balding? Zoinks!" Remember when Belding threw a haymaker at you, connecting you your huge hook nose and sending you flying head-first into his bookcase? Remember when Belding said, "I'll show you how much hair I still have! I also have a dandruff problem and you are going to eat my dandruff, you Zubaz-wearing cum wizard!!!" Remember when Belding laid you our on the floor and then started shaking off dandruff from his head? Remember how it looked like a blizzard in Belding's office with his dandruff falling down into your mouth on in your jew-fro and on your face? Remember when Belding said, "how does that dandruff taste, shithead? Now that you're had the main course, how about some dessert? I have some tasty homemade chips for you!" Remember when Belding pulled down his polyester trousers and farted right in your face? Remember how it appeared as though Belding hadn't wiped his ass for weeks? Remember when Bleding started shaking loose fecal chips from his matted ass hair? Remember when the fecal chips landed in your mouth and eyes? Remember when you contracted pink eye? Remember when Belding shook fecal chips loose for the next 15 minutes until he was sick of doing so and then tore off your Zubaz and anally violated you? Mr. Belding sure was sensitive about his baldness that time!

"Diamond Messes With an Ouija Board" recap
Posted: Oct 26 2009, 02:41 AM

Diamond, remember that episode where you got sick and tired of being ass-raped and decided to turn to the supernatural to help you? Remember when you bought an ouija board and decided that you would attempt to talk to spirits who might be able to provide some good advice? Remember when you told Mr. Belding that you had bought an Ouija board? Remember when Belding said, "Diamond, you little faggot, don't mess around with Ouija boards! That's witchcraft and you'll be communicating with the devil and evil entities, you hook-nosed rim goblin!" Remember how you thought Belding was joking and decided to use the ouija board anyway? Remember when you invited Zack and Slater over to your house and you all gathered around the Ouija board? Remember when you dimmed the lights and sat Indian style around the board and you each rested a couple fingers on the pointer on the board? Remember when you said, "Are there any spirits in the room?" Remember when the pointer moved over to "Yes," and you yelled out, "Zoinks!" Remember when you asked Zack and Slater if they moved the pointer, and they both said that they hadn't? Remember when you asked the spirit for its name? Remember when the pointer moved across the board and indicated that the name of the spirit was "Neil," and that it was the gay brother of Beelzebub, an evil demon? Remember when you yelled out, "Zoinks!" and then asked the spirit to move something in the room? Remember when your desk chair tipped over and your clock radio turned on and then off? Remember when you also felt a warm breeze on your face? Remember how the air blowing by your face smelled like ass? Remember when you yelled out, "Zoinks!" and then heard a banging on the ceiling? Remember when Zack and Slater yelled, "Dammit Diamond, you're pissing off the spirit! Quit being such a shithead!" Remember when you someone grabbed you from behind and ripping off your Zubaz and started ass-raping you? Remember how you figured that Belding must be the one violating your ass at the time? Remember when Zack flipped on the light and screamed? Remember when Belding walking into your room and shrieked and then fainted? Remember when you realized that Neil really was an evil gay demon and that he was raping you at the time? Remember when you looked over and saw that Slater was strangely unaffected by the presence of evil in the room and was jerking off with Mr. Tuttle who just rolled out from underneath the bed where he had apparently been hiding? Remember how from that day on you would get ass-raped during the day at Bayside and then in your bedroom at night by Neil, the gay demon? You sure learned about the dangers of the occult that time!

"Diamond has a 'Fourth Meal' at Taco Bell" recap
Posted: Oct 23 2009, 09:09 PM

Diamond, remember when you were watching TV in the Bayside teacher's lounge and saw a commercial for Taco Bell that was advertising a "Fourth Meal" to be eaten at Taco Bell at midnight? Remember how Belding had eaten many of such Fourth Meals and was becoming morbidly obese as a result? Remember when you asked Belding to take you to Taco Bell that evening so that you could partake in a Fourth Meal? Remember how Belding agreed to do so and that made you really happy? Remember when Belding picked you up in his 1985 Yugo and you two drove over to Taco Bell that evening? Remember when you and Belding walked into the Taco Bell and ordered 12 tacos and a large Mountain Dew Code Red? Remember when Belding sat down and you reached for one of his tacos? Remember when Belding slapped your hand and said, "Diamond, what do you think you are doing? These are for ME! You'll get your Fourth Meal in a little bit, just be patient, buddy!" Remember when Belding started shoveling tacos into his mouth and crumbs and grease were flying all over the table and onto his shirt and the floor? Remember when Belding leaned over to his right side and ripped a loud fart that caused the employees to start laughing? Remember when Belding said, "Diamond, follow me for your Fourth Meal!" Remember how you got a big grin on your face and happily stood up from the table? Remember when Belding stopped in front of the Men's room and said, "your Fourth Meal is in here?" Remember how you had a confused look on your face and refused to walk into the Men's room because you thought that Belding was pranking you? Remember when Belding grabbed you by the neck and threw you into the bathroom? Remember when you slipped on a puddle of piss on the floor and fell face-first into the sink? Remember when Belding punched you in the chin and squeezed your tiny balls? Remember when you were lying on the bathroom floor and your jew-fro was absorbing several gallons of piss and semen that had accumulated on the floor? Remember when Belding dropped his pants and then positioned his asshole an inch above your mouth and ripped a fart and then unleashed a massive taco-fueled diarrhea tsunami of epic queer proportions? Remember when Belding yelled out, "How do you like that Fourth Meal now, FAGGOT???" Remember when Belding punched you in the stomach and you reflexively swallowed about a pound of diarrhea? Remember when Belding kicked you in the ribs and then ripped off your Zubaz and started violently ass-raping you? Remember when you heard a rustling sound coming from the cabinet beneath the sink? Remember when the cabinet door swung open and Mr. Tuttle rolled out? Remember how Tuttle was naked and masturbating vigorously? Remember when you looked over and saw that the bathroom door was open and several of the Taco Bell employees, including Slater's dad and cousins, were jerking off while watching the homoerotic attack? Remember when the little Taco Bell mascot chihuahua ran into the bathroom and said "Yo quiero Taco Bell" and then pissed onto your Jew-fro? You really learned about the perils of eating a Fourth Meal that time!

"Belding Uses Diamond's Locker as a Urinal" recap
Posted: Oct 20 2009, 05:10 PM

Diamond, remember that episode where AC Slater took such a massive dump in the urinal in the boy's bathroom at Bayside? Remember how Slater's feces clogged up the urinal? Remember how Belding didn't feel like calling a plumber because he was in the middle of one of his hours-long gay phone sex calls at the time? Remember when Belding opened your locker and instructed all of the boys in the school who had to pee to use your locker as a new make-shift urinal? Remember how there was a long line of students waiting to pee in your locker for the rest of the day? Remember when you tried to go to your locker and yelled, "Zoinks!" because all of your belongings were being soaked with piss? Remember when you tried to get to your locker because you needed to get your Geometry textbook? Remember how the people in waiting thought that you were cutting in the line to pee in your locker? Remember when they alerted the hall monitor who just happened to be Zack's dad that day for some unknown reason? Remember how the kids in line interrupted Zack's dad while he was selling computers to the county library? Remember how mad that made Zack's dad? Remember when Zack's dad yelled out, "Hey shithead! There's no cutting in line you ugly Zubaz-wearing cocksucker!!!" Remember when Zack's dad grabbed you and threw you against a room of lockers? Remember when you fell down and then Zack's dad ripped off your Zubaz? Remember when Zack's dad inserted his massive cock into your ass while Coach Sonski inserted his cock into your mouth? Remember when Zack's dad and Coach Sonski spit-roasted you while everyone in line started clapping, cheering, and then jerking off? Remember how Coach Sonski and Zack's dad hi-fived each other several times during his violent homosexual assault? Remember when they each came at the same time, filling your colon and stomach with their diseased-ridden seed? Remember when several teachers emerged from the Teacher's lounge and pissed on your face and kicked you in the ribs? Remember when Mr. Tuttle drove the Driver's Ed golf cart on top of you and popped a wheelie on top of your face, painfully tearing off skin and opening a massive blood-spurting wound? Remember when Tuttle crashed into a row of lockers because he wasn't paying attention and was instead masturbating furiously? Remember when you looked over and saw Mrs. Powers on top of the hood of the Driver's Ed cart? Remember how Mrs. Power's was intensely fingering herself while watching your attack? Remember how you had to have reconstructive facial surgery to repair the damage to your face and also had to throw away several textbooks and a jacket that were ruined by the piss-soaking? The Bayside gang really got you good that time!

"Diamond is Punished for Sniffing Belding's Seat"
Posted: Oct 19 2009, 09:04 AM

Diamond, do you remember that episode where you bought Mr. Belding 10 tacos on a Friday from Taco Bell as a gift for hiring you as his assistant? Remember how happy Belding was, even though he did complain that you did not purchase enough food for him? Remember how he farted several times while eating, causing you to crack a smile? Remember when Belding left his office at 1:00 PM to go pick up his dry cleaning, as he did every Friday? Remember when you closed the door to Belding's office after he left and then started sniffing his leather chair? Remember how you dropped your Zubaz and started jerking off while sniffing the old farts that Belding had ripped while sitting on the chair? Remember how you were fantasizing about jerking off Slater and listening to Belding take a dump while you sniffed his chair and masturbated vigorously? Remember when Belding's office door opened and he said, "Diamond, I forgot my dry cleaning ticket?" Remember how mad he was when he saw you jerking off? Remember when you yelled out, "Zoinks!" and then pulled up your Zubaz? Remember when Belding punched you in the face and then threw you face-first into his metal file cabinet? Remember when he kicked you in the stomach? Remember when Kevin the Robot rolled out of Belding's coat closet, where he had apparently been hiding for the previous three seasons? Remember how Kevin said he needed an oil change and wanted to drain his old oil into your colon? Remember when Kevin started doing you in the ass while Belding lodged his massive cock in your mouth and made you suck him off? Remember when Mrs. Power appeared from underneath Belding's desk where she had apparently been hiding so that she could give Belding blowjobs throughout the day? Remember when Mrs. Powers stomped on your back with her high heels and then sat down in the corner of the room and fingered herself while you were being helplessly ass-raped? Remember when Kevin shot his oily load up your ass at the same time that Belding unleashed his seed down your throat? Remember when Belding then threw you out the glass window in his office and down onto the concrete pavement? Remember how you were bleeding all over the place? Remember when Belding pissed out the window onto your lifeless corpse? You sure learned about the dangers of masturbation that time!

"Belding Messed With Diamond's Lunch" recap
Posted: Oct 12 2009, 09:39 AM

Diamond, remember that episode where you were eating your peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the Bayside cafeteria? Remember when Mr. Belding walked by and ripped a loud fart right in your face as you ate? Remember when he said, "Aw shit, that was a wet one! I need to clean my ass now!" Remember when you started laughing? Remember when you quickly stopped laughing when Belding grabbed your sandwich and wiped your sandwich up and down his ass crack? Remember when Belding said, "Thanks Diamond!" and then gave you back your sandwich? Remember when you started crying and stopped eating your sandwich? Remember when Belding was insulted and got really mad and said, "What, your sandwich isn't good anymore because it touched my asshole? Well then fuck you, Diamond! We're breaking up now - maybe I'll start dating Maxwell Nerdstrom." Remember how you begged Belding not to dump you and then ate your sandwich with the shit stains on it? Remember when Belding dumped you anyway and you walked into your Western Civ class later that afternoon and saw Mr. Dewey giving Belding a rusty trombone while Mr. Tuttle watched and masturbated and Mrs. Power's played with herself while jerking off Hound Dog? Belding really got you good that time!

"Becky and Hound Dog Teach Diamond a Lesson" recap
Posted: Oct 8 2009, 07:25 PM

Diamond, remember that episode where you walked into your bedroom and interrupted Hound Dog while he was making love to Becky the duck? Remember how mad they were are you for disturbing their sex session? Remember when Becky flew up onto your head and shit in your jew-fro while Hound Dog bit your leg, giving you rabies? Remember when you started foaming at the mouth because of the rabies? Remember when you went into cardiac arrest and Mrs. Power rushed you to the hospital? Remember when you lost consciousness and almost died on the way? Remember how Lisa's mom was your doctor at the hospital? Remember when you regained consciousness and saw that Lisa's mom was pleasuring herself with your huge hook nose? Remember when you yelled, "Zoinks!!!" and then Lisa's mom tried to strangle you with the cord to your IV bag? Remember when you stayed in the hospital for several days and then eventually recovered? You sure learned about the animal kingdom that time!

"Diamond Learns About Snowball Fights" recap
Posted: Oct 6 2009, 07:52 AM

Diamond, remember when you got into that snowball fight with Mr. Belding during the winter of 2001? Remember how Belding had driven all the way from Bayside to your home in Port Washington, WI during December 2001? Remember how there was a snowstorm when Belding rang your doorbell? Remember when Belding hid behind a bush when you answered the door? Remember when you opened the door and said, "Zoinks!" because you didn't see anyone there? Remember when Belding then jumped up and fired a snowball at your head? Remember when you ran outside and started throwing snowballs of your own? Remember how uncoordinated you were and you were unable to hit Belding even though he weighed about 400 lbs? Remember when you stood on the driveway near your garage door as Belding stood 25 feet away on the lawn? Remember when you saw a shadow moving across the snow? Remember when snowballs appeared to be coming from the shadow? Remember when you realized that the shadow was in fact Mylo the janitor, who was as dark as night because he had been frequenting tanning booths for some reason? Remember when Belding dropped his pants and peed on a snowball? Remember when you were hit right in the face with Belding's piss-snowball? Remember when AC Slater appeared out of nowhere and started throwing snowballs at you from the street? Remember when Slater got sick of throwing snowballs and instead started firing rocks from your neighbor's yard? Remember when you were hit in the zoinker and head and fell over? Remember when a stretched limo stopped in front of your house and Mr. Grayson, the rich oilman from the Oil Spill episode, popped his head out the window and said you were going to pay because he wasn't able to drill oil on Bayside's campus? Remember when Mr. Grayson started throwing cans of oil at your head? Remember when your were hit in the head with a heavy can of oil and started crying? Remember how everyone started laughing at you? Remember when the sunroof on the limo slid open and Zack's dad stood up and stuck his head through the sunroof? Remember how Zack's dad was talking on a huge cordless phone? Remember when Zack's dad started throwing Molotov cocktails at you while he sold 75 computers to a law firm in Phoenix, AZ? Remember when your jew-fro caught on fire and your garage started burning? Remember when Hound Dog ran out of your house and peed on your head, extinguishing the fire consuming your jew-fro? Remember how Hound Dog started humping your leg while everyone else was masturbating vigorously? Remember how everyone blew their loads and then drove over to the nearby Olive Garden to grab dinner, leaving you to freeze to death in the artic cold weather? Remember when your house burned down? Remember when your fake wife found you 10 minutes later when she drove home from Taco Bell and yelled at you for forgetting to have a Beef 'n Cheddar sandwich from Arby's ready for her to eat? The Bayside gang really got you good that time!

"Diamond Learns to Play 'Ball Whip' " in Gym Class
Posted: Oct 1 2009, 06:08 PM

Diamond, remember that episode where you were in Coach Sonski's gym class and he said that everyone was going to be playing a new game called "Ball Whip"? Remember how you assumed that this was a game played with kickballs and was probably similar to dodgeball or kickball? Remember when Coach Sonski brought out a bag filled with car antennas and told everyone except for you to take one? Remember how you thought that you were the captain of the class and the coolest kid and figured that Coach Sonski was going to let you play an important position in the Ball Whip game? Remember when you quickly learned that you did have an important, but painful, position in the game a few seconds later when Coach Sonski instructed everyone to whip you in your tiny balls with the car antennas? Remember when Slater whipped you so hard that blood started dripping from your zoinker? Remember how everyone whipped you for several minutes until you passed out? Remember when you regained consciousness 15 minutes later and discovered that your face was covered in semen and diarrhea and that there were 15 car antennas lodged in your colon? You sure learned the importance of physical fitness that time!

"Kevin the Robot's Fling With the Oilman" recap
Posted: Sep 29 2009, 07:58 AM

Diamond, remember that episode where Kevin the Robot dumped you so that he could start dating the rich oilman from the episode where oil is discovered on Bayside's campus? Remember how jealous you were when you saw Kevin and the oilman making love in a bathroom stall of the boy's bathroom at Bayside? Remember when the oilman dumped Kevin when the school board decided not to drill for the oil? Remember when Kevin rolled several miles home from the Holiday Inn where the oilman had been staying? Remember when you welcomed back Kevin with open arms? Remember when you and Kevin started making out in your bedroom? Remember when you felt something poking in your crotch and you looked down and saw that Kevin was sporting a huge new titanium cock that the oilman had purchased for Kevin? Remember when Kevin viciously ass-raped you with that titanium cock several minutes later while your mom sat on top of your desk and fingered herself? Technology really screwed you over that time!

"Bayside Beats Valley" recap
Posted: Sep 21 2009, 03:54 AM

Diamond, remember that episode where Slater threw a last-second touchdown to wide receiver Rod Belding to beat Valley to win the football tournament back in 1992? Remember when everyone celebrating by viciously ass-raping you on the football field after the game? Remember when Rod and Slater spit-roasted you while Zack's dad, Maxwell Nerdstrom, and Hound Dog pissed on you and Tuttle jerked off onto your body? Remember when they were done and then Ox and Moose dumped a huge cooler filled with Gatorade onto your body? Remember when Ox emptied the Gatorade and then dropped the empty cooler onto your bird-chest? Remember when Moose picked up the cooler and started beating you with it, caving in your nose and eye sockets? Remember how Becky the duck snapped at your tiny zoinker with her beak? Remember how Becky the duck ate your tiny balls because they were so small that she thought they were bird seed? Remember how your mom, Mrs. Powers, sat on top of the port-a-potty and fingered herself during this attack? The Bayside football team and its fans really got you good that time!

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