14th November 2004 - 01:01:08 PM
11029 : Letters From An Asshole
Yesterday, I received this heart-breaking letter in the mail:
Nov. 14, 2004, It has now been ten days since I was violently shoved up the ass of former child actor Dustin Diamond. He has a surprisingly strong anus, which has imprisoned me. I'm beginning to run out of food, and the batteries in my flashlight are low. I'm very scared and lonely. Luckily, there is a mailbox inside his ass. If anybody is reading this, please help. I have tried to escape while Dustin was having a bowel movement, but my shoe got caught on a sphincter ring. I also tried to escape while someone named JP sucked Dustin's ass. He didn't suck hard enough. Every thirty minutes, I'm am sprayed with somebody's jism. This frightens me the most, as many diseases are easily transmitted through spunk, and poo, and of course blood. I have built a makeshift tent out of used condoms I found in the small intestine. I've gotten used to the horrible stench, but I'm scared that the large sewer rats will attack me.
-A Small Retarded Boy
17th March 2005 - 11:59:35 PM
12776 : John McJohnson
If anybody receives this message, please send help.
Like others before me, I too have somehow become trapped within Dustin Diamond's enlarged, stretched colon cavity. I don't know if I have shrunk or what, but it is literally like being in a large, moist cave. So far it has been nearly two weeks since I last saw real daylight. I know I am not alone in here because I often hear voices echoing farther down in his colon cavity, but I am unable to see anything due to the darkness. At one point I even struggled with a large hairy 'something' over a small kernel of undigested corn that I had found. Unfortunately I lost the struggle, but I did manage to get away from it when it attempted to sexually assault me, but I am now pantless as a result.
So far, I have attempted to escape Dustin's colon several times by trying to catch a ride on one of the many shit logs that pass through here occasionally. At one point I nearly succeeded in escaping when a very wet and mucousy fart, followed by a tsunami of diarrhea, carried me towards a long tunnel of light leading to the outside world. Unfortunately, before I managed to exit the tunnel, a large black fleshy penis ended up shoving me BACK UP into the darkness of Dustin's colon again, immediately followed by a thick spray of hot salty semen which hit me so hard that it blew my shirt apart and knocked me unconscious. When I finally regained consciousness, I was completely naked and covered in several layers of moist shit, sticky mucous, and rancid semen, all of which I was forced to lick off myself out of pure desperation for food and nourishment. I have since grown addicted to semen as a result, of which there is large quantities of, thanks to the several ejaculating penises which pop in and out of here every couple hours.
If anybody out there receives this message, please send help as soon as possible. I can only live off of shit nuggets and semen deposits for so long and have grown frail and weak as a result. Please help.