Monday, January 24, 2005
Sit 'n Spin
Hey gang, remember those "Sit 'n Spin" toys we used to play with as kids? As you may recall, you sat on a flat surface coupled via a cylinder to a little stationary wheel. You could rotate about the axis of the clyinder (i.e., in a circle) by gripping onto the wheel and turning yourself. Anyhow, I'd like to get naked, position Diamond's grotesquely large nose in my anus, and then spin myself around like a top! I think I would derive much queer pleasure from this exercise! Do you think Diamond would be interested in helping my fantasy come true???
Sunday, January 23, 2005
I want to take a dump in Diamond's mouth!
Does anyone else think that Diamond has a pretty mouth? I'd like to take a dump in it sometime! There's something very erotic about thinking of using Screech's mouth as my own personal sewer. I often worder whether Mr. Belding would have done the same to Screech if "Saved By The Bell" had been based on real-life events. In any event, I've woken up three times this past week with wet dreams of me eating several greasy tacos and then taking a dump on Diamond's neatly trimmed beard! My dream also involves me farting in Diamond's mouth. Does anyone else have erotic homosexual fantasies like these?
Monday, January 10, 2005
Diamond on Howard Stern - 3/24/00
(from http://www.marksfriggin.com/news00/3-20-00.htm)
Dustin Diamond, who plays Screech on the TV show ''Saved By The Bell'', came in to play the Mike Walker Gossip Game this morning. When he came in Howard said he doesn't really look like Screech anymore. He's got a beard now so he doesn't look like the young geek on the TV show. He's trying to get away from that character now that the show has ended. Howard told him he was smart to stick with the character as long as he did. Dustin said that they tried to replace him on SBTB at one point but they came back to him. Howard pointed out that ''Saved by the Bell'' has actually made more money for the networks than ''Seinfeld'' ever did. That's quite a feat for a show.
Dustin's salary came up and Howard guessed that he was making about $12,500 an episode. Dustin told Howard that he started out at age 11 making $2500 an episode and eventually worked his way up to $13,500 by the end of the run. Not too bad for a 23 year old. The show was finally brought to an end last November so now Dustin has started in stand-up comedy. Before they got into all of that Howard got Mike Walker on the phone to play the gossip game.
* * *
After the game Howard spent more time talking to Dustin. He had some notes on him that said he knew karate. Dustin told Howard that he learned it from his father at an early age. He actually got to use it one time to defend himself. He'd taken a fan of his to Disneyland for her birthday. He was about 14 at the time. Some guy was taunting him on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and waited for him at the end of the ride. Dustin said he threw the guy against the wall and ended up going to Mickey Mouse Jail to wait for the cops to show up.
Howard also heard that Dustin has a hard time getting laid even though he's fairly famous. Dustin said that's true but he has had some conquests that he's proud of. He said he first had sex at 15 and he got a lot of the extras on the set of ''Saved by the Bell''. He tried getting some of his co-stars but it never happened for him. He did get a Russian model at one tome though so he did pretty well there.
Dustin is now doing stand-up comedy with his partner Bob Golub. Howard had Bob come in so they could talk to him also. Bob has been on the show in the past. He wanted to fight Dice Clay at one point. He's now teamed up with Dustin and they go around touring comedy clubs. They'll be at Rascals comedy club in West Orange, NJ tonight at Rascals by the shore tomorrow. You can find out more at Rascals.net.
Dustin's money situation came up once again and this time it led to a really long discussion. Dustin told Howard how he doesn't have all of the money he made from ''Saved by the Bell'' because his parents seem to have spent most of it. He said his mother is dead now but his father is still living with him and Dustin is supporting him. He said that he got about 25% of the money because of the Jackie Coogan law which guarantees him a certain amount of money from acting as a child. The other 75% is gone though. Dustin told Howard that he wants to kick his dad out of his home. Howard volunteered to do it for him so Dustin gave him the number. Gary got the guy on the phone and Howard went on to talk to the guy for at least a half hour. Howard discussed the situation with Dustin's father Mark and basically found out nothing. Dustin wonders where all of that money went but Dad didn't really have an answer. Mark said that he gave up his career as a teacher to shuttle Dustin around to his acting job so the money Dustin was making was supporting the family. Howard kept asking the guy why he would give up a career to do that but he didn't have a good answer. He seemed to be using that as the excuse for spending the money. They went over the same stuff over and over again but nothing was settled. Dustin still wonders where his money is and Dad doesn't have an answer. Howard eventually told Mark that Dustin wants him to move out. Mark says that he's trying to get back into his field of work but it's hard. He's got health problems and it's tough to get started again. Dustin said he doesn't really want to throw his dad out on the street but he does want him to move out. He's not paying rent and Dustin is sick of it. Mark told Howard that he felt that he was being attacked from the beginning of the call and he never got his chance to talk. They gave him plenty of chances though. Howard thinks there's a book that could be written about this whole situation and said he'd talk to Judith Regan about putting something together. Howard said there's a bigger story there than they can imagine.
Dustin Diamond, who plays Screech on the TV show ''Saved By The Bell'', came in to play the Mike Walker Gossip Game this morning. When he came in Howard said he doesn't really look like Screech anymore. He's got a beard now so he doesn't look like the young geek on the TV show. He's trying to get away from that character now that the show has ended. Howard told him he was smart to stick with the character as long as he did. Dustin said that they tried to replace him on SBTB at one point but they came back to him. Howard pointed out that ''Saved by the Bell'' has actually made more money for the networks than ''Seinfeld'' ever did. That's quite a feat for a show.
Dustin's salary came up and Howard guessed that he was making about $12,500 an episode. Dustin told Howard that he started out at age 11 making $2500 an episode and eventually worked his way up to $13,500 by the end of the run. Not too bad for a 23 year old. The show was finally brought to an end last November so now Dustin has started in stand-up comedy. Before they got into all of that Howard got Mike Walker on the phone to play the gossip game.
* * *
After the game Howard spent more time talking to Dustin. He had some notes on him that said he knew karate. Dustin told Howard that he learned it from his father at an early age. He actually got to use it one time to defend himself. He'd taken a fan of his to Disneyland for her birthday. He was about 14 at the time. Some guy was taunting him on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and waited for him at the end of the ride. Dustin said he threw the guy against the wall and ended up going to Mickey Mouse Jail to wait for the cops to show up.
Howard also heard that Dustin has a hard time getting laid even though he's fairly famous. Dustin said that's true but he has had some conquests that he's proud of. He said he first had sex at 15 and he got a lot of the extras on the set of ''Saved by the Bell''. He tried getting some of his co-stars but it never happened for him. He did get a Russian model at one tome though so he did pretty well there.
Dustin is now doing stand-up comedy with his partner Bob Golub. Howard had Bob come in so they could talk to him also. Bob has been on the show in the past. He wanted to fight Dice Clay at one point. He's now teamed up with Dustin and they go around touring comedy clubs. They'll be at Rascals comedy club in West Orange, NJ tonight at Rascals by the shore tomorrow. You can find out more at Rascals.net.
Dustin's money situation came up once again and this time it led to a really long discussion. Dustin told Howard how he doesn't have all of the money he made from ''Saved by the Bell'' because his parents seem to have spent most of it. He said his mother is dead now but his father is still living with him and Dustin is supporting him. He said that he got about 25% of the money because of the Jackie Coogan law which guarantees him a certain amount of money from acting as a child. The other 75% is gone though. Dustin told Howard that he wants to kick his dad out of his home. Howard volunteered to do it for him so Dustin gave him the number. Gary got the guy on the phone and Howard went on to talk to the guy for at least a half hour. Howard discussed the situation with Dustin's father Mark and basically found out nothing. Dustin wonders where all of that money went but Dad didn't really have an answer. Mark said that he gave up his career as a teacher to shuttle Dustin around to his acting job so the money Dustin was making was supporting the family. Howard kept asking the guy why he would give up a career to do that but he didn't have a good answer. He seemed to be using that as the excuse for spending the money. They went over the same stuff over and over again but nothing was settled. Dustin still wonders where his money is and Dad doesn't have an answer. Howard eventually told Mark that Dustin wants him to move out. Mark says that he's trying to get back into his field of work but it's hard. He's got health problems and it's tough to get started again. Dustin said he doesn't really want to throw his dad out on the street but he does want him to move out. He's not paying rent and Dustin is sick of it. Mark told Howard that he felt that he was being attacked from the beginning of the call and he never got his chance to talk. They gave him plenty of chances though. Howard thinks there's a book that could be written about this whole situation and said he'd talk to Judith Regan about putting something together. Howard said there's a bigger story there than they can imagine.
Gas Station Tryst
Fellow queers, I met a dude yesterday who was the spitting image of a young Dustin Diamond. I was at my local gas station filling up my yellow Camaro with premium unleaded when I realized I had to go to the bathroom. So after the gas tank was full, I got the bathroom key from the attendant and proceeded over to the men's bathroom. I unlocked the door and then almost slipped on the piss and caked-on dirt that was covered all over the floor (which looked as though it hadn't been cleaned since 1985). When I flicked on the light I realized that some other dude was in the bathroom with me - he was hiding in the second stall. We made eye contact and sparks flew immediately. He had colorful Zubaz pants, a "white man's" afro, and a little pathetic attempt at a goatee. I immediately pitched a tent and bent him over on the piss-covered floor. Next, I sat on his face and dropped ass and then gave him a golden shower while dropping a smelly Cleveland Steamer on his head. When I cleaned myself up to leave, he said "thanks Mr. Belding!" What was that all about???
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Who wants gay sex with Diamond???
I can barely remember what life was like when I was straight - that is, before I started watching Screech on Saved By The Bell!!! Dustin Diamond, the actor who played Screech, had such an impact on me that I turned gay. And I'm not just a little gay. No, no, no - now I'm full-blown Liberace gay!!!
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Song about Screech
Hey gang, remember MC HAmmer's hit song "Pray" from 1989/1990? I found a parody of this song the other day called "Spray." "Spray" was actually written with Screech in mind, as you can see from the lyrics below:
Spray
That's what we spray! Spray! Spray!
We got to spray just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Oh Yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray just to make it today - that's what we spray!
All my life I wanted to make it to the top
Some said I wouldn't, they told me what I've been stopped
Working hard, making no diarrhea everyday
And on my knees every night you know on Screech I spray
I said we spray - that's what we spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today - that's what we spray!
Now I'm just thinking you get to do whatever you want
I'm fussing this round making this money that I want
Forget my people or my town or my way
And on sitting on Diamond’s head every night I still do spray
That's what we spray! Spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today
I said we spray! Spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today - that's what we spray!
Time and time and time and time and time again
I kept on tossing salad but Diamond wouldn't let me toss his
I tried and tried and tried and tried to make the way
But nothing happened till that day that I sprayed
That's what we spray! Spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today - that's what we spray!
Taco Bell being eaten, oh so fast! From these, some are sick
Feelin’ sick, their adults takin’ a crap
Ten years old stand outside, noxious no doubt
Therein gone, never have a chance, what's it all about?
That's what we spray! Spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray diarrhea just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Ah yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray diarrhea just to make it today - that's what we spray!
Spray! That's what we spray! Spray!
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
Spray! Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray diarrhea just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Ah yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray diarrhea just to make it today - that's what we spray!
All ambushes start no doubt, here we go
Dropping ass, read these words we need to know
Living high, living good, living with a nasty stink
Take a minute, what's the plan you got to go?
That's what we spray! Spray!
Ah yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Ah yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray diarrhea on Screech just to make it today - that's what we spray! Spray!
We send in this when I do Diamond
We thank you and we know we need to spray
So the residents are good they come out from above
And once again we wanna say thank you to Diamond with all our love
We all are here
That's what we spray! Spray!...
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
Spray! That's what we spray!
Spray
That's what we spray! Spray! Spray!
We got to spray just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Oh Yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray just to make it today - that's what we spray!
All my life I wanted to make it to the top
Some said I wouldn't, they told me what I've been stopped
Working hard, making no diarrhea everyday
And on my knees every night you know on Screech I spray
I said we spray - that's what we spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today - that's what we spray!
Now I'm just thinking you get to do whatever you want
I'm fussing this round making this money that I want
Forget my people or my town or my way
And on sitting on Diamond’s head every night I still do spray
That's what we spray! Spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today
I said we spray! Spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today - that's what we spray!
Time and time and time and time and time again
I kept on tossing salad but Diamond wouldn't let me toss his
I tried and tried and tried and tried to make the way
But nothing happened till that day that I sprayed
That's what we spray! Spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We got to spray diarrhea just to make it today - that's what we spray!
Taco Bell being eaten, oh so fast! From these, some are sick
Feelin’ sick, their adults takin’ a crap
Ten years old stand outside, noxious no doubt
Therein gone, never have a chance, what's it all about?
That's what we spray! Spray!
Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray diarrhea just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Ah yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray diarrhea just to make it today - that's what we spray!
Spray! That's what we spray! Spray!
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
Spray! Oh yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray diarrhea just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Ah yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray diarrhea just to make it today - that's what we spray!
All ambushes start no doubt, here we go
Dropping ass, read these words we need to know
Living high, living good, living with a nasty stink
Take a minute, what's the plan you got to go?
That's what we spray! Spray!
Ah yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray just to make it today
I said we spray - spray!
Ah yeah! We spray - spray!
We need to spray diarrhea on Screech just to make it today - that's what we spray! Spray!
We send in this when I do Diamond
We thank you and we know we need to spray
So the residents are good they come out from above
And once again we wanna say thank you to Diamond with all our love
We all are here
That's what we spray! Spray!...
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
That's what we spray!
Spray! That's what we spray!
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