Comments from the Jason Heyward Sucks Forum (November 21, 2016 - November 30, 2016)

Here are more nice comments from the Jason Heyward Sucks forum:

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 30 Nov 2016 02:22:04 GMT reply I saw Jason today at a motivational seminar. He started off by ass raping a very unwilling Steve Bartman. He entire audience cheered this on. Jason then gave Steve a nice set of Arabian goggles, before converting it to a 5 minute teabagging. While teabgging Bartman Jason ripped a few ridiculously loud farts that made Bartman squirm and try to escape. This made the crowd roar with laughter. It was truly motivational watching Jason pin down and rape, then humiliate Steve Bartman!

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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Tue, 29 Nov 2016 19:33:38 GMT reply Damn this board has gotten mega hot! Steve Anus you sound like my kind of guy! I consider myself a queer baseball fan but I've never had access to the locker room! I normally have to meet up with my favorite players at a rest area, or a dumpster behind a Taco Bell!

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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Tue, 29 Nov 2016 19:33:38 GMT reply Steve! Long time no see! I haven't seen you since you were getting teabagged on the upside down love swing! Was it the yankees ''96 clubhouse?? I was the guy blasting burrito dumps down your gullet whilst Alan is morrissette was blaring in the background and Roseanne was on the large screen! I still got the Polaroids that me and the dudes look at every now and then!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 29 Nov 2016 10:47:17 GMT reply My name is Steve Anus. I am a baseball groupie and enjoy hanging out with baseball stars like Jason Heyward. I've been a baseball groupie since the late 90s and have been in many baseball clubhouses. I have to say that the 2016 Cubs team had a relaxed clubhouse atmosphere and that really helped them achieve greatness! Players constantly ripped ass in front of each other in the clubhouse and in the showers without hesitation! Back in the midst of an 8-game win streak for in May or June, I saw Anthony Rizzo rip a wet pepperoni fart in the showers and Kris Bryant got a crazy look in his eyes and quickly kneeled and started eating out Anthony's ass in front of several players! As a team groupie, they allowed me to use the showers, so I was in there as well, watching and masturbating furiously. At one point Jason Heyward walked over and unleashed an epic fart in Kris Bryant's face, which motivated Kris to tongue Anthony's ass more quickly to until Anthony blew a huge load. I also climaxed, as did Joe Maddon and the team's bat boy!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 29 Nov 2016 03:40:12 GMT reply Below Vet. It is true. Steve is part of Jason's motivational tour. Jason keeps him in a dog cage in a leather outfit with a ball gag. That's all I can say as the rest is a secret motivational technique!

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Mon, 28 Nov 2016 11:25:00 GMT reply To the veterans, I heard JH came to the party with a pizza and when opened, his knob stuck out of a hole in the box! He had his own 'special topping' on there as well. All the well hung studs in the crib went O.T.T. after seeing it!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 28 Nov 2016 07:48:34 GMT reply Fellow Veteran, is there any truth to the rumor that Jason Heyward went diarrhea on Steve Bartman during the motivational session for the Fortune 100 company? If so, I wish I had been there!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 28 Nov 2016 05:30:05 GMT reply I heard that at a Friday motivational session with a large Fortune 100 company Jason really brought down the house by not only leaving many ridiculously loud motivational farts, but also took a KFC fueled shit right on the stage! The attendees went wild!

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sat, 26 Nov 2016 11:25:40 GMT reply That is the sickest movie ever, neva watch with ur parents

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 26 Nov 2016 02:14:12 GMT reply For the next two hours Jason is having a Black Friday motivation speech sale. Jason is knocking off 10 percent of his normal fees for any Saturday session in December. Hurry this won't last long. Jason said that the holiday feast he ate from Popeyes chicken has given him some gas that is sure motivate even the most difficult groups!

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Fri, 25 Nov 2016 14:04:56 GMT reply ...trust the dust... I thought he was a great actor in PornDogs, the adventure of Sadie! I have it on VHS, minidisc, bootleg and bluetooth! I haven't watched it for days

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 24 Nov 2016 18:12:14 GMT reply Zoinks!

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Thu, 24 Nov 2016 17:46:10 GMT reply Wow, there are a lot of veterans on here with hot stories! This is the CEO speaking. I was intrested in how the chemical training went down...how did J react when he saw all that brusque ass slamming? I also like your screech idea - I have three personal assistants who look exactly like him and thinknig they should be wearing multicoloured shorts in honour of J?

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 24 Nov 2016 06:52:56 GMT reply Maybe that dork who played Screech on the tv could match the scents? As I recall, he had a huge hook nose and must have a heightened sense of smell with a massive conk like that!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 24 Nov 2016 02:08:05 GMT reply I wonder if they have hired a hook nosed goblin to sniff Jason's asshole, then confirm the same scent is within the jar?

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 23 Nov 2016 22:08:53 GMT reply I don't think that they have video of Heyward farting into the jar. However, I heard that the fart jar has somehow been authenticated! I'm not sure exactly how they authenticate an item like this...

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 23 Nov 2016 14:53:17 GMT reply I will be planing my first trip to Cooperstown this year to see the magic farts. Do they have video of him farting into the jar? I want to be sure my trip isn't wasted looking at a jar that the janitor farted into! I really hope the Hall places many armed guards around this new national treasure if a video exists showing Jason farting into the jar on display.

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 22 Nov 2016 07:29:58 GMT reply I heard that Jason donated a jar full of his farts to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. I'm sure that attendance at Cooperstown will explode higher in the coming years as Cubs fans all over the world visit to see the farts which inspired and motivated the Cubs to break their 108-year curse!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 22 Nov 2016 02:29:17 GMT reply Jason is in this for cold hard cash. It's difficult making do on his meager Cubs salary. He will only be ripping his nasty motivational farts when a proper payment is made. Your group will quickly see its value. Today Jason met with the senior executives of a large chemical company. After a few ridiculously loud farts, and a massive belch (thrown in free of charge) the executives began a team building excersise where they ass-slammed each other. Jason motivated them further with some extra farts of encouragement. I'm sure that company will see substantial growth after Jason's motivational performance.

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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Mon, 21 Nov 2016 23:04:57 GMT reply Wtf is wrong with this webpage???

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Mon, 21 Nov 2016 20:52:26 GMT reply To Veteran, I have four or five representatives from a hot dog and chilli sauce factory who were frantic about getting in Jason's motivational farts, but are haggling over the price! One guy suggested a compromise where we take 50% off the price in exchange for Jason to get 5 vats full of out of date chilli sauce and hotdogs (including a 5 minute dip with 5 foaming at the mouth, incorrigible fruity men wild on schlong?? ..If you agree, would you then be in a position to supply some shaky camcorder footage of the action for our 'training' purposes?

Comments from the Jason Heyward Sucks Forum (November 5, 2016 - November 21, 2016)

Here are some nice comments from the Jason Heyward Sucks forum:

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 21 Nov 2016 04:30:48 GMT There will be absolutely no video allowed! We cannot have Jason's motivational speeches being broadcast without proper payment! Jason has a few dates left this offseason. We are very proud of how many companies worldwide are ready to pay Jason to release his motivational gas.

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sun, 20 Nov 2016 13:27:56 GMT *Editor Message* Are you going to answer the gentleman's question veteran?

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sat, 19 Nov 2016 17:40:08 GMT ....hum, I trust you will be there to take shaky camcorder footage veteran?

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sat, 19 Nov 2016 17:39:10 GMT To veteran, this is some highly erotic information! One of my kpi's is to foster good teamwork. I sure hope those farts inspire my group to drop their yellow gussetted y-fronts and gobble down those juicy dried bits of ass like a dog eating hot chips!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sat, 19 Nov 2016 00:37:47 GMT To below a rookie 01:38:32 there will be no Power Point slides. Jason's ridiculously loud farts speak for themselves. Your team will not be let down, and will leave so motivated you will within days see amazing results.

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 18 Nov 2016 12:14:38 GMT I heard that Jason's agent has drawn up a contract for his services to give motivational speeches. In addition to the standard fee, Jason apparently also makes numerous other demands such as wanting to have chocolate chip cookies to eat during a meal to be provided prior to his speaking engagements. Jason's contract also requires that 10 2-liters of grape soda, 7 buckets of KFC, and 4 bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos be prepared for him!

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Fri, 18 Nov 2016 01:38:32 GMT To veteran, this idea has its merits, I have a cabinet of Japanese and African senior managers - they are very visual and numerate. Is there any scope for a couple of power points and handouts to go along with those juicy farts? If so, please provide a short outline of the PowerPoint mlides and bar charts, so I can pitch it to my training team!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 17 Nov 2016 23:39:20 GMT Rookie 12:33:33 he would be clothed. He would accomodate whatever venue provided. From a large auditorium where he would fart his amazing message into a microphone, to a close gathering of senior executives in a boardroom where he would be able to provide more one on one attention and let people smell his message as well as hear it. He is truly an amazing man.

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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Thu, 17 Nov 2016 19:40:32 GMT This forum, alas, has gone down the tubes like our country. Can't wait for Spring Training.

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Thu, 17 Nov 2016 19:32:46 GMT When he first came up Braves fans were touting him as a future Hall of Famer. Maybe the best has yet to come. Reply-to:Heyward is a lot of things, but great player he is definitely not, at least not during 2016. I dont know if hes gay or anything like that. However, the guy only hit like .104 during the playoffs, which is worse than most pitchers. Heyward also hit a pedestrian .230 during the regular season. Heywards massive contract may be sufficient to prevent the Cubs from winning more World Series as they may lack the available resources to acquire more valuable players.

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Thu, 17 Nov 2016 12:33:33 GMT To veteran. Slow, how would it work?would he be clothed? Where would the staff stand? As a Fortune 500 CEO myself I find this is a very interesting idea!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Wed, 16 Nov 2016 05:14:30 GMT I heard that many Fortune 500 companies are lining up to have Jason stop by during the off season and fire up their employees with one of his patented motivational farts! Some companies are offering dollar amounts based off the decibel level of the fart. Jason could really clean house. After last seasons heroics hopefully the Cubs tear up Jason's unfair contract and pay him the $200 million per year he's worth so he doesn't have to work in the offseason like a slave!

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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Wed, 16 Nov 2016 01:52:43 GMT Heyward is insanely gay. How can one even wonder if he might not be gay?

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 15 Nov 2016 19:35:31 GMT I saw an article in the Chicago Sun Times during August where it was mentioned that Jason and Dexter Fowler snuck a couple buckets of KFC onto the team plane on a flight to California to play the Padres. After they each ate their own bucket, they experienced bad gas and started ripping loud smelly farts for the last hour of the flight. Apparently the cabin of the plane literally smelled like shit by the time they plane landed in San Diego! However, the team swept the 3-game series with the Padres, so I guess the farts somehow motivated the Cubs to up their game!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 15 Nov 2016 03:32:33 GMT This is the new world we live in with Donald Trump as president. Everyone quickly forgets the amazing motivational fart Jason left that propelled the Cubs to World Series glory! All because he's a black man! If Anthony Rizzo had left that insanely loud motivational fart people would still be talking about it non stop!

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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Mon, 14 Nov 2016 15:34:51 GMT I agree on that! Not sure what else he adds to the team either

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Sun, 13 Nov 2016 19:28:17 GMT Heyward is a lot of things, but "great player" he is definitely not, at least not during 2016. I don't know if he's gay or anything like that. However, the guy only hit like .104 during the playoffs, which is worse than most pitchers. Heyward also hit a pedestrian .230 during the regular season. Heyward's massive contract may be sufficient to prevent the Cubs from winning more World Series as they may lack the available resources to acquire more valuable players.

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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Sun, 13 Nov 2016 18:25:32 GMT Rookie 21.53, who you tellin to get off this forum ma'fcka?! Imma here to give Jason my support as he's a damn fine player what you gonna do about it brah? WhAt U gOnNa Do AboUt It bRaH?!?

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sun, 13 Nov 2016 08:22:07 GMT U gon pynch dat Kurt d-dawg already!

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sat, 12 Nov 2016 21:53:42 GMT We've commandeered this website. These are now queers-only forum! If you don't want Jason Heyward to eat out your ass while giving you a vigorous reach-around, then you should probably stop posting here!

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sat, 12 Nov 2016 07:00:16 GMT I heard that Jason's "motivational speech" was actually a really loud fart.

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Fri, 11 Nov 2016 20:19:46 GMT Always got ass on his mind making up all kinds of jive stories that end with ass

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Fri, 11 Nov 2016 20:18:03 GMT Naw mahng, it's the same guy, he's on a few of the other forums

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Fri, 11 Nov 2016 02:45:41 GMT There are legions of queer baseball fans. We tend to hang out in dumpsters near the ballparks and many times run into players. I haven't run into Jason yet but am hoping to over the winter. I want to be having some hot butt love with another fan while Jason gives me one of his patented motivational speeches!

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 21:06:40 GMT I think that a bunch of gay guys found out about these forums and started posting here. I visit these forums every few months and they are usually lame or very quiet. I may come here more often as these posts make me laugh. I don't know whether they are meant as a joke or whether thereare really so many mentally deranged homosexual baseball fans out there. Either way, I'll be back soon myself

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 16:25:02 GMT nearly every post on this site in the last few months have been about fecal matter or taco bell or burping - I am sure this is just one weird dude doing it

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 01:01:12 GMT I heard that Jason Heyward went back to the locker room during the game 7 rain delay to drink from a 2-liter bottle of grape soda he had in his locker. After drinking about a liter, he belched loudly, and then quickly had a sugar high. He gave his motivational speech during his grape soda sugar high!

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Wed, 09 Nov 2016 17:44:02 GMT Is it true that Heyward farts in his teammates' faces to motivate them?

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Wed, 09 Nov 2016 06:31:15 GMT Hi all, I really need to know, what is jason's favourite tv show and fast food eatery? Guys, I need this quick for my school project

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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Wed, 09 Nov 2016 02:27:57 GMT Theo has already had a sit down with heyward and it has been determined he will go on a hardcore doping regimen ala arrieta and Bryant. Look out for the upcoming facial steroid acne as Bryant has exhibited

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Tue, 08 Nov 2016 23:49:49 GMT Yeah what a joke. The cubs only won because of some words from Jason Heyward? Untalented spook that they don't even want on the team? F*ck Hey-tard. He couldn't motivate anyone to take a shit let alone win the world series. He likely stood in the room and ripped a wet fart

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Tue, 08 Nov 2016 18:27:03 GMT I heard that Heyward is planning on having the Cubs players walk on hot coals once at month during the 2017 season to inspire and motivate them!

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 07 Nov 2016 10:00:52 GMT The Chicago Tribune actually credited Hayward's rain delay speech for inspiring the Cubs to win the World Series! It is a travesty that Heyward wasn't named series MVP just for his words http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/columnists/ct-cubs-built-to-last-haugh-spt-1106-20161105-column.html

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 07 Nov 2016 03:27:57 GMT Wow, I thought that Jason Heyward was insanely overpaid if viewed just in terms of his baseball playing abilities, without accounting for his motivational powers. However, according to this Sports Illustrated article from March 2016, Heyward got ripped off by the Cubs and will be underpaid by $85 million over the course of his 8-year contract! http://www.si.com/mlb/2016/03/02/free-agents-overpaid-underpaid-jason-heyward-alex-gordon-ian-kennedy I remember years ago when Sports Illustrated used to have some degree of credibility...

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Anonymous (Veteran) wrote on Mon, 07 Nov 2016 03:22:26 GMT Dexter Fowler declared for free agency and almost certainly won't be back on the Cubs. That mega-superstar, Jason Heyward, should have been the black player on SNL instead of Fowler. Yes, Fowler had a much higher batting average during the regular season and in the playoffs. However, Fowler is not the motivational guru that Heyward is! Heyward is so important to the Cubs' success that his pep talks alone are worth nearly $23 million/season for the next 7 years!

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Anonymous (Sophomore) wrote on Sun, 06 Nov 2016 13:29:55 GMT I was confused. I thought they let Jason heyward on snl. That would have been hilarious. Mr postseason.

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sat, 05 Nov 2016 21:06:20 GMT *she comes home crying.

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sat, 05 Nov 2016 21:05:06 GMT furthermore, I hope you remember your statement when karma bites your daughter and she comes crying.

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Anonymous (Rookie) wrote on Sat, 05 Nov 2016 21:02:14 GMT rookie 21:19:11 A black man and a white woman can't make a white girl. Guess what? your daughter will be a sheboon.