"Diamond Learns About Health Insurance" recap
Posted: Mar 11 2010, 10:24 AM
Diamond, remember all of those times that Belding pissed on your face? Remember how some of his piss got trapped in your ears, giving you "swimmer's ear"? Remember when you thought you had an infection so you went to see a doctor? Remember when you informed the doctor that your high school principal had pissed in your ears? Remember when the doctor called you a "Hook-nosed Jewish cocksucking faggot"? Remember when the doctor said, "this should clear everything up" and then jammed a rusty nail into your ear? Remember how the doctor punctured your eardrum and blood gushed out? Remember when the doctor said, "Voila! The blood forced the piss and lots of earwax out of your ear. That will be $350!" Remember when you yelled, "Zoinks!" and said that you didn't have any health insurance? Remember how mad that made the doctor? Remember when the doctor torn off your Zubaz and started whipping you in the nuts with his stethoscope? Remember when the doctor started jabbing you in the nuts with various used hypodermic needles that were in the medical waste bin? Remember how relieved you were when the office door opened because you thought that someone was going to rescue you from your misery? Remember how less relieved you were when you saw Mrs. Powers and noticed that she was fingering herself? Remember when you noticed Mr. Belding standing behind Mrs. Powers? Remember how Belding was doing Mrs. Powers right in the ass? Remember when Belding pulled his cock out of Mrs. Power's ass and blew a huge load into your Jew-fro? Remember when the doctor placed you onto a movable bed and then pushed it, running toward the window at the end of the hall? Remember when the hospital bed crashed through the window and you fell down onto a car in the parking lot 3 stories below? Remember when you managed to look up and saw Belding, the doctor, and Mrs. Powers all giving each other hi-fives? Remember when you temporarily passed out? Remember when you regained consciousness as Belding was lifting you into the nearby trash dumpster and then left you for dead? Remember when you were ass-raped by several bums over the next few days until you finally escaped? You sure learned about the need for health insurance that time!
"Bayside Parent-Teacher Conferences" recap
Posted: Mar 9 2010, 11:00 AM
Diamond, remember that episode where Belding told Mr. and Mrs. Powers what a hook-nosed loser you were during parent-teacher conferences at Bayside? Remember how you showed up with your parents to the event? Remember when you said "Zoinks!" when Belding told your parents what a shithead you were? Remember when Belding got mad for some reason and then pulled down your Zubaz and started viciously ass-raping you right in front of your parents? Remember when Mr. Powers started giving Belding hi-fives and cheering him on while you begged for mercy? Remember when Mrs. Powers started fingering herself during this incident? Remember when Belding pulled out of your ass and then Mr. Powers finished sucking him off? Remember when Belding came and then Mr. Powers spit out Belding's cum into your jew-fro? Remember when Mrs. Powers had a powerful orgasm? Remember when you heard a rumbling sound coming from the ceiling? Remember when you looked up and saw that the entire ventilation shaft was coming down and crumpling? Remember when the ventilation shaft hit Belding's desk and snapped in half? Remember when Mr. Tuttle rolled out and you noticed that Tuttle wasn't wearing any pants and was masturbating vigorously? Remember how Tuttle suffered massive lacerations on his legs and back when the ventilation shaft snapped in two? Remember how Tuttle continued to jerk off at a feverish pace despite massive blood loss? Remember when Tuttle blew his load and then passed out from his injuries and was later transported to a hospital where he was placed on life support? Remember how Mr. and Mrs. Powers blamed you for Tuttle's injuries and grounded you because Belding's review of your performance at Bayside was so bad? You really had a fucked-up family life that time!
"Diamond Learns not to Taunt Tyrone Leakums" recap
Posted: Feb 23 2010, 07:31 AM
Diamond, remember how you were in San Francisco last week to visit your dad on SBTB, Mr. Powers, while he was sucking off random HIV+ dudes at one of the many gloryholes in the Castro District? Remember when you saw the video on youtube of the Epic Beard Man giving a beating to Tyrone Leakums, the black instigator of the altercation on the bus? Remember how Tyrone reminded you of Mylo the janitor, so you hung outside the hospital where Tyrone was sent for medical attention? Remember how you planned on heckling Tyrone when he emerged from the hospital? Remember when he walked out and you yelled, "Yo Tyrone, are you still leakin'? You got your ass whipped! Can you shine my Converse hi-tops! Zoinks!" Remember how mad this made Tyrone Leakums and he decided to teach you a lesson? Remember when Tyrone yanked off your Converse hi-tops and jammed them up your ass and said, "You honkey muthafucka, is they shined to your liking now?" Remember when Tyrone pulled the Converse shoes out of your ass and then raped you prison-style? Remember when he unloaded his HIV+ seed in your ass and then saw some of his jism dripping out of your ass and said, "Ooh, you really be leakin' now!!! Welcome to da world of AIDS, muthafucka!!!" Remember when Tyrone finally let you go and then you ran to the caring arms of Mr. Powers at the rest stop gloryhole? Remember when you tearfully explained what had happened? Remember when Mr. Powers started jerking off and then blew a huge load into your jew-fro? You sure learned not to fuck with people that time!
"Diamond Learns Not to Lecture Belding" recap
Posted: Feb 9 2010, 06:11 AM
Diamond, remember that episode where Belding took you to lunch at a McDonald's? Remember how the McDonald's was still using the old styro-foam containers? Remember when you lectured Belding on the dangers to the environment caused by plastics? Remember how annoying you were being? Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when Belding said, "That's enough, let's go Diamond!" Remember when Belding started driving back to Bayside and he said you and he would continue eating in his rusty 1986 Yugo? Remember when Belding chucked several styro-foam containers out the window while he was driving home just to piss you off? Remember when Belding said, "I'm feeding plastic to the environment, you stupid ass-fucking Jew bastard!" Remember when a policeman saw the garbage fly out the window and pulled Belding's car over to the side of the road? Remember when Belding lied to the policeman and said that you were the one who had littered? Remember when the policeman lectured you on highway safety and then arrested you and sent you to county jail? Remember when you were thrown in a cell with a bunch of racist crackheads who proceeded to call you a "Jew bastard," "pubic head," and "cocksucker"? Remember when you found out that several of the crackheads were related to Mylo the janitor? Remember when they raped you for several hours until your dad, Mr. Powers, showed up to bail you out? Remember when you ran to his arms and told him what the other prisoners had done to you? Remember when that turned him on and then he sucked off several of your rapists? You sure deserved what happened to you that time for being such a shithead!
"Belding Tires to Abort Diamond's Butt-Baby" recap
Posted: Feb 4 2010, 12:11 PM
Diamond, remember that episode where you informed Mr. Belding that you were pregnant with a butt-baby and were scared? Remember when Belding said that you shouldn't worry and that he would purchase a Zubaz-branded product that would abort your butt-baby? Remember how you naively assumed that the Zubaz company must have started selling an abortion pill? Remember when Belding showed up at your house the next day and said the he was going to help you out? Remember how you assumed he was going to give you the abortion pill? Remember how shocked you were when Belding pulled out a cheap coat hanger made of twisted metal and that had word "Zubaz" written in marker across it? Remember when Belding punched you in your hook nose, causing you to collapse onto the floor? Remember when Belding yanked off your Zubaz pants and then violently jammed the coat hanger up your rectum in an effort to kill the fetus growing anally in your colon? Remember when Belding said that he thought he had killed the butt-baby and then pulled out the hanger from your now-bloody rectum and then started whipped you in your tiny nuts with the coat hanger? Remember when you passed out from massive blood loss and then woke up in the emergency room hours later? Remember how the doctor said that you were pregnant with a butt-baby and that Belding's attempts to abort the butt-baby had pierced your liver, appendix, stomach, and colon, but had completely missed the anal fetus? Remember when you had to undergo intensive therapy to regain control of your bowels and heal your internal organs? Remember when you gave birth to young Zoinks Diamond a month into your hospital stay and have had to care for him ever since? Remember how Rod Belding was your nurse? Remember when Rod would viciously ass-rape you when he was supposed to he guiding you through rehab exercises? The Beldings really screwed you over that time!
"Diamond Learns About Drug Abuse" recap
Posted: Jan 25 2010, 09:00 AM
Diamond, remember how Belding, Tuttle, and Mylo the janitor would smoke crack in the Teacher's Lounge at Bayside during lunch break? Remember when Belding told you that Mylo sold the best crack rocks? Remember how you felt left out and asked Belding to score you a hit of some crack rock yourself? Remember how Belding asked for $100 and said he'd get a crack rock for you to smoke? Remember how you had never seen a crack rock before and were excited when Belding handed you a hard black material that he referred to as his "crack rock"? Remember how smelly it was, but Belding said that was to be expected? Remember when you placed it in your Zubaz-brand crack pipe and then smoked it? Remember when you started coughing from the smell and then looked over and saw Tuttle jerking off behind a file cabinet? Remember when Belding said, "How do ya like my crack rock, Diamond? It's a a chunk of shit that was stuck to my matted ass hair - so it's really my 'ass-crack rock,' you Zubaz-wearing cocksucker!" Remember when Belding threw his keyboard at you and then kicked you in the junk? Remember when you fell over and then Mylo jumped out of the closet and started sodomizing you with his mop while Belding lodged his massive cock down your throat? You sure learned about the dangers of drug abuse that time!
"Diamond Learns About Batteries" recap
Posted: Jan 21 2010, 10:05 AM
Diamond, remember that episode where Belding saw Slater rush into the boy's bathroom on taco day? Remember when he ordered you to sneak into the bathroom with a cassette recorder and record the sounds of Slater farting and going diarrhea so that he could listen to the tape later while jerking off? Remember when the batteries in your cassette recorder ran out of power five minutes into Slater's 15-minutes diarrhea session? Remember how the batteries were drained because you had listened to your "New Kids on the Block" tape for 6 hours the previous day? Remember when you informed Belding that you were not able to record all of Slater's bathroom visit? Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when Belding grabbed your cassette recorder and smacked you in the face with it? Remember when the cassette recorder broke into pieces? Remember when Belding grabbed one of the bigger pieces that had a sharp edge and stabbed you in the nuts and ass with it? Remember when he stabbed you in the neck and tried to kill you? Remember when he ass-raped you shortly before you lost consciousness due to massive blood loss? Remember when you regained consciousness a few hours later and woke up in a hospital bed? Remember when a doctor informed you that you were a dirty HIV+ faggot and would need to undergo intensive therapy for the next few months to recover from the attack? You sure learned to use fresh batteries that time!
"Diamond learns about Sex ed" recap
Posted: Jan 19 2010, 10:24 AM
Diamond, remember that time when you Mr. Belding was a special substitute teacher for Health class? Remember how the topic that day was Sex education? Remember when you the class started with Belding eating some greasy tacos from Taco Bell? Remember when your mom on the show, Mrs. Powers, walked into the class 10 minutes later? Remember when Mrs. Powers took off her skirt, panties, shirt, and bra and threw them at you? Remember when Belding said, "Diamond, come over here and I'll teach you about sex? Remember when Belding dropped his 52-inch waist polyester pants? Remember how he wasn't wearing any underwear? Remember how the entire room quickly started to smell like Belding's ass? Remember when Belding started doing Mrs. Powers right in the ass and then Slater pushed your face up against Belding's butt as he thrust his massive cock in and out of Mrs. Powers' cornhole? Remember how sweaty Belding's ass was getting? Remember when Belding ripped a wet fart in your face? Remember when Slater pushed your nose right into Belding's ass crack as he pounded away at Mrs. Powers' butthole? Remember when Belding pulled his cock out of Mrs. Powers and then blew his diseased load all over your face? Remember when he smacked you in the face with his cock and then turned around and sprayed diarrhea right in your face and then wiped his ass clean with your jew-fro and neatly trimmed beard? Remember when Mrs. Powers pushed you onto the floor and then inserted your huge nose into her stank cooch? Remember when she bounced up and down on your face and pleasured herself as your hook nose went in and out of her pussy? Remember when she queefed right in your face and then had an orgasm? Remember when you spent the next six years receiving psychologocal counseling after this incident? You really learned about sex that time!
"Diamond Dresses As a $3 Bill" recap
Posted: Dec 30 2009, 07:39 PM
Diamond, remember that Halloween episode of Saved By The Bell where you asked Mr. Belding for some Halloween costume suggestions? Remember when Belding recommended that you dress up as a $3 bill? Remember how you thought that was a great idea and made up a $3 bill costume? Remember when you wore that costume to Bayside and everyone called you a stupid faggot? Remember when Mr. Dewey said, "Diamond, are you finally out of the closet? You're as queer as a $3 bill!!!" Remember when you started crying? Remember how Belding was dressed as a Department of Treasury agent and said, "Diamond, you are under arrest for trying to pass a counterfeit bill?" Remember when you said, "Zoinks!" Remember when Belding got mad and said, "Stop resisting arrest, shithead!" Remember when Belding handcuffed you to the railing on the Bayside stairs and ass-raped you while about 75 students cheered him on and clapped? Remember how Kevin the Robot rolled through the hallway? Remember how Mr. Tuttle was sitting on Kevin the Robot's head with his pants down around his ankles and was masturbating vigorously? Remember when you heard a loud snap and saw that Kevin's titanium casing had collapsed under the massive stress caused by supporting Tuttle's morbidly obese body? Remember how Kevin was almost as flat as a pancake, except for a few screws sticking out that punctured Tuttle's stomach and lungs? Remember how Tuttle suffered from a collpased lung and almost died? Remember when 15 kids raped you after Belding blew his load up your ass? You sure were as a queer as a $3 bill that time!
"Belding Teaches Diamond about Recycling" recap
Posted: Dec 18 2009, 08:56 AM
Diamond, remember that episode where you kept pestering Mr. Belding to recycle even though you knew that he hated recycling? Remember when Belding finally agreed to recycle? Remember that time you were in his office and he shoved 10 pieces of Hubba Bubba bubble gum into his mouth at the same time and chewed it for 10 minutes while you organized his files? Remember when he said, "Diamond, come over here a second?" Remember when you walked over and Belding spit a huge wad of gum into your jew-fro and then said, "Diamond, aren't you proud of me? I recycled!" Remember when you started crying and Belding said, "There's no crying at Bayside! Get out of my sight, you little faggot!!!!" Remember when you went outside and sat on a park bench and fell asleep? Remember when you woke up 15 minutes later and your head was itching like crazy? Remember when you discovered that a colony of ants was biting at the gum in your jew-fro and was also biting your scalp and face? Remember when you screamed out, "Zoinks!" and Belding came running? Remember when he said, "I'll save you, Diamond!" Remember when he dropped his pants and then fart right onto your jew-fro, instantly killing the thousands of ants attacking you? Remember when he said, "Now let me get rid of the bodies" and then pissed all over your jew-fro and face, washing the ants away? Remember when you got up and tried to hug Belding while thanking him for saving you? Remember how mad that made Belding because you were soaked with piss and you got some on him? Remember when Belding said, "Get off me, dickhead!" and then launched you face-first into a flag pole? Remember how the force of hitting the flagpole knocked the wind out of you and left you gasping for air? Remember when Belding said, "Suck on this, bitch" and then shoved his enormous cock down your throat? Remember when you suffered lock-jaw, contracted a virulent strain of herpes, and almost died as a result of an infection caused by the ant bites? Mr. Belding really got you good that time!
"Diamond Learns About Littering" recap
Posted: Dec 15 2009, 06:35 AM
Diamond, remember how Mr. Belding enjoyed littering? Remember how he would sometimes take all of the various trash cans in his house and load them up into his car? Remember when he would drive on various highways, include the Pacific Coast Highway, and throw garbage out the window? Remember how he hated recycling and would often drive to the beach and throw old newspapers into the ocean? Remember when you went with him and helped him carry three huge trash cans full of garbage onto the end of the Santa Monica Pier and dumped them over into the ocean during a December rainstorm? Remember when you looked down afterward and saw Taco Bell and Burger King wrappers floating all over the place? Remember when how you thought that you that you had a fantastic bonding experience with Mr. Belding? Remember when you hugged him and then Belding looked down all of the garbage floating in the ocean and saw a half-eaten blueberry muffin floating in the water? Remember how mad that made Belding? Remember when Belding said, "Dammit Diamond! Why didn't you tell me that there was still some uneaten junk food in the trash can before we dumped it into the ocean, SHITHEAD?" Remember how Belding decided to teach you a lesson by punching you in the gut until you fell to the ground in pain? Remember when Belding started kicking and stomping on your head? Remember when he kicked out several of your teeth and then shoved his cock into your mouth? Remember how the warm blood gushing out of your bleeding gums turned on Belding and made him blow a massive load into your mouth within mere minutes? Remember when Belding relaxed for a second to catch his breath and then said he was going to show you a Pele-style soccer kick? Remember when Belding picked you up and then drop-kicked you off the pier into the ocean? Remember how there was a riptide and you floated away from shore in the icy cold waters? Remember how you were near death 20 minutes later when a Coast Guard ship came across your floating body? Remember how you were suffering from hypothermia by then? Remember when the Coast Guard members warmed you up from the inside out by viciously ass-raping you and firing their huge loads up your ass? You sure learned about littering in that episode!
"Belding Teaches Diamond About Sleep" recap
Posted: Dec 1 2009, 11:37 PM
Diamond, remember how Mr. Belding liked to sleep completely naked in his bed? Remember how you would come over to his place periodically so that he could have anal sex with you? Remember how you used to sleep next to him in his bed until he became so morbidly obese that you could no longer fit into bed with him? Remember when you started sleeping on his floor? Remember when it was cold in the house and you asked him to turn on the heater? Remember when Belding refused because he said he was on a tight budget and needed to save his money to purchase greasy fast food and gay porn? Remember when Belding leaned over to the side of the bed and said, "Diamond, this should warm you up," and then unleashed a smelly fart right in your face? Remember how Belding's fart did warm you up initially but then you felt cold again? Remember when Belding informed you that he had not vacuumed the carpet in his bedroom for the past 15 years and that you should use some of his pubic hairs that laying all over the carpet as a blanket? Remember when Belding told you to lay on the floor and then he went down to his garage to get a rake? Remember when Belding raked up a huge pile of pubes and covered you in it? Remember how the pile of pubes looked like a pubic igloo? Remember when Belding kept raking up pubes until his back started to get tired and then he started raking your jew-fro and smashed the rake into your face? Remember when Belding cracked the rake handle across your hook nose and then rolled you over and sodomized you? Belding really taught you about the importance of sleep in that episode!
Monday, June 21, 2010
My "Remember When..." Queer Fantasies - Part VIII
Here are more of my "Remember When..." queer fantasies involving Diamond and the rest of the Saved By The Bell gang: